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The worst betrayal

Old 12-08-2016, 10:02 AM
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The worst betrayal

Alright well so much has happened since Tuesday! Upon finding the needle in my fiances truck I dug deeper, searched through our house and found his journal outlining his affair with a 19 year old girl he met in rehab (she's a heroin addict too)! I packed all of his things and left them on the porch.... he left and gave me the key to our house. That night I went into his Facebook and discovered almost 20 sexual relationships with all known heroin addicts I've confronted most of them (some I knew from our hometown) and they've all confirmed they've had sex many times. I am speechless, I don't know how I'll ever get over this. I feel like one of those women who just found out their husband is a serial killer. This is the love of my life. The guy who was totoalky normal before Iraq and kinder than mother Theresa. I literally feel like I've been beaten to death! To dig the knife deeper I now have to go and get tested for every STD on earth...... I'm so ashamed and embarrassed. What do I tell people? I've relentlessly defended him and the truth is more than I can bare. I had enough heartache with the drugs now it's the cheating! How does a person just swallow this?? I don't even want my engagement ring I'd rather sell It then keep it and all of these awful memories! I'm so lost hurt and confused.... this is the worse cheating story I've ever heard from any woman. What the hell!!!
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Old 12-08-2016, 10:11 AM
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Oh, how awful. What you tell your doctor (and anyone else you think actually needs to know)is the truth: "I was in a monogamous relationship. He wasn't."

In a way, maybe this will in time be one of those backhanded blessings in that you aren't going to be tortured with guilt or second thoughts about saving the marriage the way so many codependents are.

What has happened is inarguable. Chances are he's addicted to sex as much as anything else, but this crosses the line between endangering himself to now endangering you. No, just hell no.

NOT YOUR FAULT.

Sending you a huge hug.
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Old 12-08-2016, 10:27 AM
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Hey...

I am so sorry. This is awful, and it's especially awful to find out in the way that you did AND during this time of year. I'm not sure if this will be of any help or comfort, but I'm going to say it anyway.

When we're dealing with people such as your husband, one of the things we need to remember is we cannot take their behavior personally. And that's because in this case, your husband is an exceptionally sick man doing exceptionally sick things. It may feel clichéd to say, He's an addict, and it's what addicts do, but the reason it's clichéd is because it's true.

To dig the knife deeper I now have to go and get tested for every STD on earth
Been there, too. Don't wait on this. Do it ASAP.

I don't even want my engagement ring I'd rather sell It then keep it and all of these awful memories!
I bought a ring for my AXGF as a birthday gift. When we broke up, she left it at my door. I waited for one of my buddies to come over before walking outside and dropping the ring in a sewer. It radiated evil, in my thinking, so the sewer was the perfect place for it. Mind you, I'm not recommending you do something similar. But I do understand that you're associating this ring with him, and with his betrayal of you, that ring is an unpleasant reminder of him. So perhaps you can take it off and put it in a safe place where you don't have to look at it and, when you're ready to, you'll decide what to do with it.

I am speechless, I don't know how I'll ever get over this.
Here's the good news. You will get over this. Why? Because you're much stronger than you realize, and you know and understand exactly what your husband is. The hours, days and weeks to come are going to be a challenge, Nelly, so I'm not going to (to quote a line in Top Gun) blow sunshine up your ***. There is no ducking what's about to happen. There will be moments where it will feel unbearable. So the first thing you'll have to do is decide that, yes, you will get through this, and then hunker down and ride out the storm. Do what you need to do in order to do this. And remember, Nelly, we've got your back.
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Old 12-08-2016, 01:20 PM
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Originally Posted by Ariesagain View Post
Oh, how awful. What you tell your doctor (and anyone else you think actually needs to know)is the truth: "I was in a monogamous relationship. He wasn't."
I agree, you have done nothing wrong and have nothing to be ashamed of. Hold your head high girl, and keep looking ahead to better days.

I am so sorry you are going through all this, really I am.

Hugs
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Old 12-08-2016, 02:37 PM
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Hey Nel, I'm really sorry to hear that. I agree with the above, you have nothing to be ashamed of. He is a sick man.

Again, this is terrible and I hope that you have friends and family to be around. It will get better. Take care x
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Old 12-08-2016, 11:16 PM
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I am so so sorry for all that you have been through. Stay strong. You have friends here and you WILL get through this!
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Old 12-09-2016, 12:13 AM
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Nel- what a crap story. What a crap man. Drugs/alcohol do that - people change (I did for the worse- booze). You are grieving the person you once knew- not the crappy person who did this to you. I am not going there with advice on what to do. I agree with the testing stuff. I suggest that NO ONE needs to know your private stuff- you are not a reality TV show. You did nothing wrong- you loved someone who through terrible experiences (?) in war- and drug use turned into something else. Your are not stupid, backward or too innocent to know reality. You have what normal people have- trust. This story has you as collateral damage. Stay away from the crappy guy. Keep safe- block your phone, ignore email, facebook- don't engage with him. Get /keep support- a therapist or priest. Someone who is outside your narrative. I would not share this with anyone if I was not happy to do so. Your plight does not mean you have to 'fess up. You did nothing wrong. Keep sharing and posting. SR is a safe and welcoming community. Lots of prayers to you/for you. PJ
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Old 12-09-2016, 01:45 AM
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Nelly

I am speechless, too. Please keep coming here for support!! Betrayal like that, in such in intimate way, really is just so painful. Unfortunately, many of us here on this board know exactly how painful, and I'm just so sorry!!

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Old 12-09-2016, 02:21 AM
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i am sorry that have has happened to you. keep us posted. must be one of the hardest time for you.
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Old 12-09-2016, 05:01 AM
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You must be in shock, give it a little time to settle. Such a slap. I'm sorry. Be gentle with yourself and give yourself time to find your footing. You will find it. I'm just sorry for your pain right now.
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Old 12-09-2016, 07:37 AM
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Sending you a big hug.
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