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So nervous about mediation...

Old 11-28-2016, 08:32 AM
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So nervous about mediation...

I have mediation this week and my nerves are at all all time high. Any time I have to face anything that has to do with my STBXAH I can feel my heart race and I literally start to walk in circles. I hate that he can intimidate me. Up until this point it's been a lot of back and forth between the attorneys and basically just trying to prove everything he has been submitting is a lie. And it's all a BIG fat lie! It feels like a cat and mouse game and I think he in some sick way is enjoying this. I just want my kids...I don't care about anything else. Their safety is all I will ever care about. Need advice on how to get through our first mediation. Any tips from those who have been through it? I have a hard time seeing us come to any agreement.
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Old 11-28-2016, 11:30 AM
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I'm so sorry. I know how nerve-wracking it is. I don't feel I can give any advice, because I failed miserably in mediation. My biggest mistake was interrupting X. I got put out in time out, essentially, while X worked his narc magic on the mediator. So I guess that's all I have to offer you- DO NOT interrupt. I knew this, and I never thought I would have, being as there was so much at stake. But it's very hard not to correct blatant lies.

Also, don't cry. I knew this, too, but failed to hold in the tears. I guess the lesson is;

It's all about self-control.

Best of luck.
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Old 11-28-2016, 11:40 AM
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well a lot of things COULD happen.....none of which you control. chances are likely, this is me guessing here, that it won't all get resolved in a one hour meeting. so try not to fantasize about walking away with the Golden Ticket.

i have heard it is possible to not have to be in the same room with the other party. i have no first hand knowledge of this.

i think your statement: I just want my kids...I don't care about anything else. Their safety is all I will ever care about is what you hold on to.

good luck! i know this isn't easy!
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Old 11-28-2016, 04:33 PM
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My ex was in another state and attended via teleconference. He and his lawyer (who was there in person) were in one room and I was in another. The mediator went back and forth.

One thing that helped me focus during mediation and the trial (we agreed on everything except sobriety monitoring and went to court over that) was to have a notebook and pen. I wrote down all the lies to keep track of them and conferred with my lawyer about the best way to address them. Sometimes it's best to let them just keep talking. My ex and his wife did more harm than good with their testimonies, so that worked in my favor. I know it's hard when the emotions are high. Sending strength your way. You can do this.
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Old 11-28-2016, 04:46 PM
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Will your lawyer be there with you? That would be helpful. You could talk to him, rather than the mediator or your ex and he could filter what needs to be said and what does not.

Think positive, remind yourself that you are a good person and deserve this to go well. Try to detach emotionally from anything he says.

Crossing my fingers for you.
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Old 11-28-2016, 06:55 PM
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Thankfully, my attorney and I will be in one room and him and his attorney in another. Anvil you are right I'm trying to tell myself this is most likely not going to get resolved in one meeting...keeping my expectations low. I will take all of your advice to heart...and try my best to remain stoic and professional. I'm so grateful for all of you on here!
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Old 11-30-2016, 09:22 AM
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I think ladyscribblers idea of writing responses/keeping track of lies is a good one.
I agree that keeping your emotions in check (not responding, interrupting) are the most important things, (almost impossible not to react) I am glad you wont be in the same room.
The biggest lesson I learned from treading the mess, was he CAN NOT SEE in your head. Don't let him. Get ready to become a great actress. You can be jumping out of your skin (ON THE INSIDE) and still put forward that you have it all together on the outside. (YOU CAN pull it off.) Don't give him the satisfaction or the ammunition. I know its hard. This is just one part. This first meeting will be over by the end of the day. Hang tough.
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