Sephra

The roller coaster of addiction. Your sweet one minute and at fault for the world the next. Try not to take it to heart. I know it's hard. You sound like you have a clear head. Your doing great.

Newlifebeginnin

Thank you! I'm really trying my best! I've tried to take the things he says to me with a grain a salt. Anytime I bring up needing to move on (with my life-not necessarily be with someone else), he doesn't want me to. It's hard, but I think it's what bat the more I think about it. I don't want him to chose to be with me out of guilt, or for the kids. I want him to chose me because he loves me. If he can't handle seeing me go on without him then that should show him what matters most. He's been at his moms house the last 3 days crashing. I was going to go see him tonight but he fell asleep. I'd be so proud if he even went a week without. I just want the best for him, but I know he'll come back once he gets clean. He's got A LOT to prove though. I'm not giving my heart back to him so easily.

Sephra

When I say that it is a rollercoaster please believe me and steel yourself for the ride ahead. Its an awful ride and there will probably be plenty of times ahead when you feel you can't go on. Just focus on those babies it will get you through. Love doesn't always equate to a healthy relationship. Sadly.

Newlifebeginnin

I'm thinking he'll be moving with his mother, an hour or so away from here. She's going to push him to rehab, I know it might not be ideal but he knows he needs help, he's just too ashamed to admit it! I can read his face when I speak to him. I feel like a stronger person in these last 3 1/2 weeks. It's really opened my eyes to what I could have done if I kept up with being on medication the way I was. I'm prepared for anything at this point. I will be going to a lawyer still, I'm going to go through with that. I've tried to contact narconon to get into some online meetings (the only meeting I could even go to is over an hour away, which I couldn't do) and I'm also reaching out to my family.

Sephra

All good things.

Newlifebeginnin

Well I thought everything would go well today, but he's majorly peed off about me not coming to talk to him last night. He has no way to contact me and he said he's done trying to play my games.. he said he shouldn't even give me a second chance. It's funny though, he left ME. Who's giving out chances here? He's been at his moms for 5 days (or so he says) so I'm trying not to take anything to heart.. it's just real hard... cause I love him.. he says he wishes he can go back to normal. Like that will ever happen... he chose to do this... I'm tired of being drug around like I'm just a rag doll..

Sephra

Ah sorry. Rollercoaster. Rollercoaster. Hang on for the ride. I know it sucks. It is going to get better than this. Expect the ups and downs from him with all contact right now unfortunately its transition time and hes flailing.

Newlifebeginnin

I'm really nervous to talk to him later on today, I'm hoping for the best and expecting the worst at this point.

dandylion

Newlifebeginnin....until he realizes that he will have to put his sobriety/clean as the first priority in his life...and be willing to do the work that it takes....which includes working a diligent program--working the 12 steps...having a sponsor and a therapist, in addition....then, I think that you had better expect the worst.
If he doesn't get that he has to put his whole self into becoming permanently clean....then all the hoping in the world will not do one bit of good.

Those are hard words, I know. If you doubt it..ask any long recovering addict or alcoholic.
Can you afford more disappointment in your life?

Especially, if he had an abusive childhood--he has a lot of work to do and a few years of therapy ahead of him.

Now, he will probably be willing to make all kinds of promises and cry. The thing is (and what he may not know), that, he is incapable of making promises to himself and keep them, right now. How in the world can he hold up his promises to others.
Addiction is a cruel mistress.
The thing is..you need to know what he doesn't know!!
Knowledge is power.
He is not capable of putting you and the kids first, right now.

Ask yourself where you want you and the kids to be in, say, three years from now? What do you want their life to look like?
You are the one who will be responsible to make that happen.....whatever it takes to do that!
You may have to love him from a distance. That is what it boils down to, much of the time.

Sorry to have to say all this to you...but, I feel that we owe you the unvarnished truth. Rose colored glasses don't work with addiction. Addiction turns all the usual rules of relationships topsy turvey......