Misc72

My lifelong friend has been shooting meth. He is threatening suicide. His wife has thrown him out because of this and that. Well he finally committed to going to rehab. Since he only has medicaid there is a wait list. His wife agreed to take him in last night as long as he hands over the phone and keys to car. He agreed. He is coming down and has severe mood swings. I have had an interventionist helping us along with mediating since there is so much anger between them. Well tonight she has tossed him out again because he wouldn't let her read his past text messages. He agreed to reset the phone and delete them all, but he didn't want to hurt her by reading them, because he did have a girlfriend. ANYWAY she threw him out over it tonight, and now he is back on the streets. He will use again and I'm disappointed at his wife. Because she has every reason to be so upset but I think he is ready and he needs this support and shelter until we can get him a bed. I love her too and my heart breaks for her. And now he will be in his car in the cold and probably numb his pain with drugs. I refuse to send money or buy hotel rooms anymore. I didn't know how bad he was until now. So I guess I don't know what I can do... to help...
I'm trying to work on my own sobriety as well and this is really frustrating, but I don't want to turn my back on him because I'm scared for his life.

Hechosedrugs

This sounds incredibly unhealthy. While he was married (and seeing another girl on the side) you were sending him money and buying him hotel rooms? And you're disappointed in the wife?

Misc72

Yes very unhealthy. I help his wife too if that helps. I love them both. We've been friends for 25 years. They were separated when he had the girlfriend and the wife had a boyfriend too. She even had divorce papers all signed and she never filed. So they are probably done. I'm not disappointed at her because she is in such a horrible situation. But she agreed to house him until the rehab comes through. And because he wouldn't let her read the texts she kicked him to the curb. The interventionist said no good would come of her reading the past. He agreed to reset the phone and go to treatment. So it's very complicated and VERY unhealthy. I'm wondering when to cut my ties myself. But he is so close to going to get the treatment he desparatley needs and to turn my back on him now its hard to swallow.

Sephra

It is a hard line to travel. From your post, it sounds like you absolutely believe that if the wife would just give it a little more time, he can get the treatment he needs. I guess, my question is , how long has this been going on? how much time is she supposed to give him? Living with a meth addict is scary. Chaos and crisis abound. How long do you let that situation go on? I get that you feel this is all about not reading the texts... but the chaos, confusion, pain, hurt and fear are deeper rooted than that, the straw that broke the camels back, was just a straw...

Mountainmanbob

I understand for lately it seems that many I know are running a muck.
I wish to help them -- but, there is a safe zone that I must stay in.
Do what you can do and then leave the rest.
For sometimes these ones can drain us down too far.
If we do not stay healthy in body, mind and spirit
we will be of no hope for anyone.
M-Bob

Misc72

Just to give him until a bed becomes available at the residential facility, maybe a week. He promised not to use and was going to reset the phone. But she couldn't contain her anger. It is understandable. I just wish a lil' more patience, now he is back on the streets and I can't reach him and I can get him to a place today. If he would have been able to stay there then this process would have been easier. She isn't to blame it's just frustrating. I too dated a meth addict for 4.5 years. It is agonizing. But he was mentally ready to go to treatment. But she couldn't calm down and just let it be until he gets there. She wanted to discuss EVERYTHING that has gone wrong while he isn't in his right mind. It doesn't work that way.

AnvilheadII

um.............he has a car right? and could drive himself to treatment?? please don't blame his wife......she reached her limit, she was done. his recovery does not rest on her shoulders.

Ann

I agree with Anvil, this is all on him and he can choose to go to treatment or choose to continue using and his wife has nothing to do with his decision..we cannot love them clean, we cannot shelter them clean, we cannot make all the right moves so that they will follow and get clean...it just doesn't work that way.

I feel your torment and frustration over all of this. What would happen if you just sat back, took a deep breath and let this all unfold on its own? I'll tell you what would happen...exactly the same thing that will happen if you fret yourself sick over it all. Because we can't "worry" them clean either.

I don't mean to sound harsh, believe me I've been there and learned the hard way that the only person who could get my son clean and keep him that way was my son himself. What a hard lesson that is for a mama to learn.

I hope he finds help...on his own...and I hope his wife finds her own peace with all this, she must be broken and exhausted.

Hugs

cynical one

He can always go to a hospital and say he is suicidal and they will house him for 72 hours. And, then do it again at another hospital for another 72 hours. That takes care of 6 days. A case worker at a hospital also might be able to expedite a bed opening up.

Misc72

It's true. He has caused her so much pain and suffering. Just because he is ready she doesn't have to pretend like nothing has happened. I told him he needs to find a new way on his own. So we shall see what happens.

Misc72

Excellent idea...