Moving On
 

My boys and I moved out this past Saturday to a beautiful town house. They love their bedroom, bunk beds, TV etc... I'm glad they find their new place very exciting. Their dad will pick them up from school today and I won't see them until Sunday. This is going to be difficult. Strange, empty house all to myself. I never thought I'd feel this way but I miss my stbxh a lot. I miss our family being together.
Coming home from work tonight will be hard. No little voices, no little boys playing, arguing over toys, no homework to do. I'm telling myself to use this time to focus on myself but I'm thinking tonight will be full of tears.... and that's okay. I heard you have to feel it to heal it...
I know it will get better. I'm praying for my boy's to get through this difficult time and transition.
I have set myself up to just relax and have some wine tonight. Tomorrow I see my therapist, Friday night I'll go shopping, working Saturday then Saturday night I have a birthday party. Trying to stay busy.
Life certainly throws curve balls but things can always be worse. Thank God for my health, the boy's health and their father's... thank God for my career, my family and wonderful friends.
I'm gonna miss my peanuts so much over the next 4 days.

Hey mama, glad you and your guys are settling in to the new place. I had a hard time this summer when my youngest was gone for 9 weeks. It felt almost unreal. Be kind to yourself and maybe do a little "mommy" splurge. Something you don't really get to do much when the kids are there. Like watch a movie or show you actually want to see all the way through or take a hot bath without a million interruptions or actually getting to eat two or three of the cookies out of the bag you bought, lol. Maybe hit the thrift store to check out some fabulous decor for your new home. Really go nuts, single mom style. You know what I mean. Sending hugs your way.

Awww. Thanks.

He continues to say things in our marriage were bad even before his relapse. Says he has felt so alone all these years, unloved due to lack of intimacy and that's what drove him to his relapse. Maybe it's all true but he could have gotten help. I told him I was having a hard time with the separation and he said just tell your friends and they will remind you of all the bad things I did. Then you'll be glad you left me...you've wanted to leave for so long. You despise me he said. So far he is clean....but not working a program.

Sorry it took me a minute to reply, my eyes were rolling uncontrollably for some reason...

Poor baby, it must be a huge burden to have the entire world revolving around him. We have a name for that kind of nonsensical babble on the F&F of Alcoholics forum- quacking- meaningless noise in other words.

There's actually quite a collection. This is part 1 of 4 or 5.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-quackers.html

I found that what I missed wasn't actually my ex or anything he actually provided, it was more about missing my DREAM of having that sweet little family unit. The reality was never really that pleasant, except for some fleeting moments, which got fewer and farther between as time dragged on.

Wowwww....Same here. I miss the family unit for sure more than anything else. I feel pretty guilty about that too. He called me out on it and it makes feel sorry for him. I hate having all these feelings

It just takes time.

I'm thankful that my STBAXH is steadily confirming all of my suspicions. He's thoroughly enmeshed in this little druggie circle. He's not at all the man I thought he was. Him and his junkie friends all hole up in a room in his new house and smoke cigarettes (and probably other things) while the kids watch movies and play video games. It would be so much more difficult to get over if he'd settled down and was living some nice, quiet life with a sweet girl. But nope, he's proved to me that he is not at all the husband I deserve, and certainly not the father of the year he'd convinced everyone he was.

I was just reading something an addict wrote about opiates (X's DOC). He said that while under the influence, you can't really think about how you need to quit, because you're in such a state of bliss. The only time you can, theoretically, think about quitting is when you're sober- but in those moments you're in excruciating pain from withdrawals, so all you can really think about is making that pain go away through drugs. So in reality, the only answer is time. You have to give up the bliss and muddle through the pain. Then you have to remind yourself that when memories of the bliss pop back into your head they are not worth the pain. Now, isn't that so true of codependency, too?

Hang in there.

his name isn't EEYORE is it?

Yes his name is EEYORE!

mama he probably is not the best person to confide in about your feelings over the separation (or anything else). If you're looking for bread, go to the bakery, not the hardware store. :)

Hi Mamaof3, I cordially invite you to come on over to the Women's Forum and post on the thread "What did you do for yourself today?". If you are home alone, you will have the time but possibly, not the habit, for some self indulgence.

Many of us are super good at taking care of others but not ourselves. If you fall into this category, I double-dog-dare-you to break open a can of self-care :wink3:

PS I super-suck at self-care. sigh.

I'm just checking in to send a hug and my hope that once you process this all, you will take special time for yourself every single day, just some self-care because you deserve it.

About what he said? PPFFFFFFFTTTTTTTTT! That about sums it up. Poo on him still throwing blame and shame your way...neither of those are yours to own.

You're a great mama, a great woman, and don't ever lose sight of that. Your kids are so lucky to have you and a happy safe home to live in.

Hugs

That about sums it up! Best of luck to you all. :grouphug:

Thank you ♡♡

You are a wonderful mom, and you tried and tried.

My X just last night told me I was responsible for all of his behavior. While I certainly am struggling, I am not in such a fog that I will fall for that.

Hugs and more hugs!