Old 11-06-2016, 12:50 PM
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Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: New England
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Last month, my dh (who has been sober 3 years I have been as well) did not come home from work, stayed out all night, shut off his phone...all behaviors I dealt with when he'd go on a coke binge prior to sobriety. When he failed to come home - and because of his sobriety, I really got scared. I thought something horrible had happened. When he was missing for 12 hours, I called the police - fearing the worst. The police came to our home (where we have 2 small children) & began the process which would lead eventually to a silver alert. A few hours later, the police pulled him over. He wasn't arrested for anything because he passed the field tests. He still did not return home, 6 hours later.

I found out that he had been taking adderal without a rx for about a month, behind my back, leading up to this episode. I was devastated. He told me he got rid of all the pills.

Yesterday I found bags full of pills which were generic adderal, and visine in his work bag. I confronted him and now he's angry, accusing me of snooping on him & saying he hasn't touched them, forgot they were there etc. his behavior has been funny, which is why I went "snooping" - glassy eyes, chatty, won't make eye contact with me, shakey hands....

So what am I supposed to do? Did I do something wrong? I'm so frustrated. Now he won't talk to me or when he does it's stilted...I really don't want to deal with this all over again.
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Old 11-06-2016, 12:58 PM
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dandylion's Avatar
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Posts: 15,891 didn't do anything wrong.
You have some important decisions to make, though......
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Old 11-06-2016, 01:52 PM
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Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: New England
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Thank you - I appreciate hearing that. I really feel like he is trying to sabotage our marriage with this behavior.
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Old 11-06-2016, 01:59 PM
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It isn't you. Not that that helps, but it isn't. You don't have to figure everything out this minute. Trust your gut. You will know whhat to do.
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Old 11-06-2016, 03:11 PM
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Location: W Washington
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trust your gut and trust what you SEE. he IS using.

you did nothing wrong. he is an addict who has relapsed. and he thought he could get away with it. and he made some really bad decisions, disrespected you, got close to getting arrested, and is now LYING to your face.

no addict forgets a bag of pills. in their work bag that they use every day. i'm sorry, you may not want to deal with this again, but here it is. it is best to accept, so you can deal with this rationally and clear headed. it won't just go away. now he's cornered and going to be defensive and more secretive.
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