Nelly1

As some of you know my fiancé has been back in rehab for quite some time..... his third rehab this year (yes I'm aware of how insane that sounds)! He's coming home Friday and I'm slowly but surely starting to freak out..... it's insane how peaceful life can be when they are institutionalized! I feel so much more pressure this time around; after the first rehab I felt hopeful, oblivious to addiction and I felt that was the end of the road! "He's cured now lets move on with our lives". The second rehab stint left me feeling a little less hopeful but none the less I was sure that "okay, relapses happen so this will surely be the last time and he will learn his lesson"!!!!! The third rehab stint..... I feel like I have been dragged through the mud and can't possibly take another let down...... I guess I'm just feeling like if another relapse happens he's done for...... and that thought kills me more than anything. After all of this trying and effort I can't imagine seeing him high again..... I'm petrified!! I feel like this his his last chance and that's why I'm struggling with fear so bad. That mixed with the fact that I desperately do not want to go through this again.... I no longer want to sit with counselors and go over "how he's doing" "what he's thinking" "what his plans are" it's the same song and dance every single time! Nor do I want to be crippled by the fear that he will be high when I get out of work or worse..... his counselor says there's only three places you end up in active addiction jails, institutions, or dead and none of these three options are something I want to be apart of..... here's praying the third time is the charm.

Pillow

Don't forget to take care of yourself. It's so hard to lose yourself in your loved ones addiction; I know I have.

Praying for you

Seren

Hi Nelly,

I think most of us hoped that Rehab would be the magic, silver bullet that would 'cure' our loved ones addiction. Kind of like going to the hospital with pneumonia--all better now!

Sadly, and as you have learned first hand, that is not how it works with addiction. Unless and until the addict really wants sobriety more than the comfort they get from their drug of choice, the addiction will continue with relapse after relapse.

Do you have a limit? What is your plan for yourself if he relapses again? What is acceptable behavior around you? Many of us wait around for the addicts in our lives to decide what they are going to do. We also have a choice.

Sending hugs and prayers for you and your fiance! S

Maudcat

Nelly1, Hi. I don't have a lot of experience with substance abuse. I know someone who was addicted to opiates, then heroin. They went through rehab 3 times, maybe 4 now that I am thinking about it. Now clean and sober 6 years. It does happen. Sometimes it just takes a while. I believe the odds of staying off drugs are better if the person has a program, like NA or AA. Good luck.

atalose

My experience was 3 times and you are out, time to end the cycle before it’s 4 times or 5 times. At some point it all stops being about him and his addiction and him getting better in order for YOU to be happy. And it becomes about you and your future and your happiness right now today, not some dream that may or may not happen down the road.

No one should live in fear and anxiety WAITING for someone else to ease those feelings. You need to be in charge of your feelings and act accordingly on them. If you no longer want to live with stress, anxiety and constant waiting for that relapse to happen then you shouldn’t be pinning your future and your happiness on a drug addict, especially one who’s already showed you repeatedly who exactly he is.

It stinks but the reality isn’t going to change. He will always be a drug addict and even if he manages to have some real clean time he will always and forever be just one bad decision away from using.