Take it to the limit, one more time
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Join Date: Oct 2016
Location: Auburn
Posts: 40
Take it to the limit, one more time
This song always makes me think of my daughters father.
He showed up for trick or treating last night, and he didn't look good. He just got his hair cut, but his skin. His skin screams "I am worse than I lead on'
His eyes are starting to cave in, his cheek bones more prominent ...his hug had no love. I know if he doesn't get help, it's only a matter of time. I love him, I love him so much. I want to grab him and keep him here with me and keep him safe. But he doesn't want that, so nothing I can do but watch from afar. Let him chose his destiny without intervening.
All I do is listen to this song and pray for this nightmare to be over.
'All alone at the end of the evening
And the bright lights have faded to blue.
I was thinking 'bout a woman who might have loved me
I never knew.
You know I've always been a dreamer
Spent my life runnin' 'round
And it's so hard to change
Can't seem to settle down
But the dreams I've seen lately keep on turning out
And burning out and turning out the same.
So put me on a highway and show me a sign
And take it to the limit one more time.'-Eagles
He showed up for trick or treating last night, and he didn't look good. He just got his hair cut, but his skin. His skin screams "I am worse than I lead on'
His eyes are starting to cave in, his cheek bones more prominent ...his hug had no love. I know if he doesn't get help, it's only a matter of time. I love him, I love him so much. I want to grab him and keep him here with me and keep him safe. But he doesn't want that, so nothing I can do but watch from afar. Let him chose his destiny without intervening.
All I do is listen to this song and pray for this nightmare to be over.
'All alone at the end of the evening
And the bright lights have faded to blue.
I was thinking 'bout a woman who might have loved me
I never knew.
You know I've always been a dreamer
Spent my life runnin' 'round
And it's so hard to change
Can't seem to settle down
But the dreams I've seen lately keep on turning out
And burning out and turning out the same.
So put me on a highway and show me a sign
And take it to the limit one more time.'-Eagles
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Join Date: Nov 2015
Posts: 635
Music is powerful and can reinforce emotions.
That's a great song, but I don't know if you should be listening to it right now, or letting your mind go there if it comes to you. I'd switch that dial, whether on the radio in your head.
That's a great song, but I don't know if you should be listening to it right now, or letting your mind go there if it comes to you. I'd switch that dial, whether on the radio in your head.
Curmudgeon, Electrical Engineer, Guitar God Wannabe
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Where the mighty arms of Atlas hold the heavens from the Earth
Posts: 3,403
Ugh...
I'm a musician, so I can appreciate the arrangement, and how Randy Meisner hit all those high notes in the fade out of the song. Frey, Henley and Meisner wrote a gem when they wrote "Take It to the Limit", and I can appreciate the connection you have with the father of your daughter via this song.
That said, I'm not sure it's in your best interests to listen to stuff that's going to trigger you.
There was a girl I dated before I stumbled into a relationship with my AXGF, and I kid you not when I say that there are still songs I associate with her that I simply have to stay away from because it's not safe for me emotionally. Two of those songs I've dealt with, one of which my current girlfriend helped me deal with in a humorous (and profane) way. But the rest? I need to stay clear of them, and this is almost 7 years after the fact.
At this moment in time, you're raw. Now's a time to set up some boundaries in order for you to be safer. Maybe one day you'll be able to appreciate "Take It to the Limit" as simply a great song, but today's not that day. Stay clear...
I'm a musician, so I can appreciate the arrangement, and how Randy Meisner hit all those high notes in the fade out of the song. Frey, Henley and Meisner wrote a gem when they wrote "Take It to the Limit", and I can appreciate the connection you have with the father of your daughter via this song.
That said, I'm not sure it's in your best interests to listen to stuff that's going to trigger you.
There was a girl I dated before I stumbled into a relationship with my AXGF, and I kid you not when I say that there are still songs I associate with her that I simply have to stay away from because it's not safe for me emotionally. Two of those songs I've dealt with, one of which my current girlfriend helped me deal with in a humorous (and profane) way. But the rest? I need to stay clear of them, and this is almost 7 years after the fact.
At this moment in time, you're raw. Now's a time to set up some boundaries in order for you to be safer. Maybe one day you'll be able to appreciate "Take It to the Limit" as simply a great song, but today's not that day. Stay clear...
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Location: Auburn
Posts: 40
Thanks all for the support. Truth be told, you are probably wise to advise to steer clear of this song. Seeing him look the way he did last night, brought me to a new level of hell. I stayed strong for our daughter, and he left and asked for pictures I took of them so I sent them. I didn't say anything after that. I put my daughter to bed, and silently cried for him alone. He has nobody that knows him like I do. Before I got pregnant we were best friends. It wasnt a relationship. I saw him in all forms of life, and I know when its bad. However back then fentanyl wasn't remotely as bad as it is now. He was an addict before, and was clean for nearly a year when I got pregnant. A year later, and he is getting back to that point. Nothing I can do to stop him. Especially since I live an hour away. I tried everything. I tried screaming at him, crying to him, guilting him, lecturing him, threatning legal action, taking away time with him and his daughter alone, offering him to come here with me...told him he could even go to rehab and I would obviously not be upset he couldn't contribute with our daughter. Nothing has worked to stop this from happening. Not one thing. So now all I can do is sit here an hour away and pray for him. This song will forever be my song to him. And maybe I will save it for another time.. my heart is broken
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and of course his friend messages me today to inform me he just got arrested.
for dv assault on his 'ex gf'
oh, and SHE IS POSTING HIS BAIL.
He'll be out of jail Friday...but he told me he's been staying with this girl the last week, and he's confirmed that he's been using heroin. Now, hes in jail for DV ASSAULT ON HER
I can't even handle it anymore
for dv assault on his 'ex gf'
oh, and SHE IS POSTING HIS BAIL.
He'll be out of jail Friday...but he told me he's been staying with this girl the last week, and he's confirmed that he's been using heroin. Now, hes in jail for DV ASSAULT ON HER
I can't even handle it anymore
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Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Wilmington, DE
Posts: 393
Littlemess25,
"I can't even handle it anymore" and you should not even try.
Remember the 3 C's about his addicton .......you did not Cause it, you cannot Control it and you cannot Cure it.
On the topic of DV, my daughter (heroin addict) was in an abusive relationship and kept going back -- I cannot understand that phenomena. Sometimes I can justify it, but still not understand -- like if the abusive partner is the only breadwinner but frequently, that is not the case.
Keep coming back,
Jim
"I can't even handle it anymore" and you should not even try.
Remember the 3 C's about his addicton .......you did not Cause it, you cannot Control it and you cannot Cure it.
On the topic of DV, my daughter (heroin addict) was in an abusive relationship and kept going back -- I cannot understand that phenomena. Sometimes I can justify it, but still not understand -- like if the abusive partner is the only breadwinner but frequently, that is not the case.
Keep coming back,
Jim
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Domestic violence is a deal breaker that sadly goes with addiction, be lucky it wasn't you or your child.
The world is painting you a picture, take a good look at the reality of what is and be grateful you weren't the one getting hit...this time.
Hugs
The world is painting you a picture, take a good look at the reality of what is and be grateful you weren't the one getting hit...this time.
Hugs
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Join Date: Oct 2016
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I don't even know this guy anymore...
we have lived together on and off over the course of 10 years, including when he's been on drugs, and he has never laid a hand on me.
Now, he's out doing all this insanely crazy stuff and this is the man I had a child with? It's so incredibly embarrassing to me, and I just feel pity for him at this point. He is actually back to heroin, and he did lie about that. Now, he's sitting in jail and who knows what's to come of it. In a way, I feel happy that he's in jail...is that wrong of me? I feel like I know he's safe...and it comforts me knowing that. She isn't pressing any charges 'supposedly' tho a part of me wishes she would. I know that seems crazy, but he refuses to see he needs rehab and in jail he's safe. I can't believe this is the man I made a father. He has a little girl and this is what's become of his life.....this is not who I had a baby with. This is some strange drug crazed woman beating lying betraying mind melted fool, and I kind of feel sick that this is who I made a father...
:'(
we have lived together on and off over the course of 10 years, including when he's been on drugs, and he has never laid a hand on me.
Now, he's out doing all this insanely crazy stuff and this is the man I had a child with? It's so incredibly embarrassing to me, and I just feel pity for him at this point. He is actually back to heroin, and he did lie about that. Now, he's sitting in jail and who knows what's to come of it. In a way, I feel happy that he's in jail...is that wrong of me? I feel like I know he's safe...and it comforts me knowing that. She isn't pressing any charges 'supposedly' tho a part of me wishes she would. I know that seems crazy, but he refuses to see he needs rehab and in jail he's safe. I can't believe this is the man I made a father. He has a little girl and this is what's become of his life.....this is not who I had a baby with. This is some strange drug crazed woman beating lying betraying mind melted fool, and I kind of feel sick that this is who I made a father...
:'(
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Join Date: Jan 2012
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Posts: 3,403
I don't even know this guy anymore...
I can't believe this is the man I made a father. He has a little girl and this is what's become of his life.....this is not who I had a baby with. This is some strange drug crazed woman beating lying betraying mind melted fool, and I kind of feel sick that this is who I made a father...
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Thank you for that, I don't mean to sound so hard on myself, but truly this is all too crazy for me. My life is very sheltered right now. I work from home, and at night I have my daughter, we eat dinner and I give her a bath put her to bed, wake up get her breakfast and bring her to family while I work. That is basically my mon-friday, weekends I take her and we do something, maybe see one of my sisters, or a friend who has kids as well my daughters age or he comes here at my home to visit with our daughter. That is about the life I live right now...and an hour away...
this man I made a father, using drugs, getting dv assault charges, partying with friends, blowing through money...it is so incredibly polar opposite. I haven't even so much as had a sip of alcohol to relax in a month. Yet here he is flying off the chain-ending up in jail. I feel he deserves to be there though. Truly, it is what is best for him right now....maybe if he gets out soon he can finally see he needs to go to rehab...there is a big fentanyl epidemic in the area he is in, and it's not secret heroin use...death is what's next. Just praying he can recover.
this man I made a father, using drugs, getting dv assault charges, partying with friends, blowing through money...it is so incredibly polar opposite. I haven't even so much as had a sip of alcohol to relax in a month. Yet here he is flying off the chain-ending up in jail. I feel he deserves to be there though. Truly, it is what is best for him right now....maybe if he gets out soon he can finally see he needs to go to rehab...there is a big fentanyl epidemic in the area he is in, and it's not secret heroin use...death is what's next. Just praying he can recover.
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I actually had warned this girl many of times about how bad of addict he is, and that she should not be contributing to his downfall if she cared about him...
she used drugs with him many of times. and I could not help but reach out to tell her to stop. But look what good that did. Both of them use drugs and it all transpired to this. Out of control incredible juvenile nonsense. He knows better than this, and my hearts broken over his heroin use he lied about. But he is where he should be. If he actually did hurt that girl, drugs or no drugs, I cannot condone assault. That is why I kind of wish she would press charges. But the state will pick it up anyways and decide. Being in jail, may quite of possibly just saved his life....
she used drugs with him many of times. and I could not help but reach out to tell her to stop. But look what good that did. Both of them use drugs and it all transpired to this. Out of control incredible juvenile nonsense. He knows better than this, and my hearts broken over his heroin use he lied about. But he is where he should be. If he actually did hurt that girl, drugs or no drugs, I cannot condone assault. That is why I kind of wish she would press charges. But the state will pick it up anyways and decide. Being in jail, may quite of possibly just saved his life....
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Join Date: Jul 2016
Posts: 91
Little, your befuddlement at the actions of both of these people is somewhat due to the fact that you can't look at a brain scan of them to see how addled their minds have become. Active addicts do not reside on the same planet as you and I and do not follow the same rules and mores that sober people do. We cannot stop our loved ones from ruining their lives if that's what their diseased minds are telling to do. But we should not allow ourselves to be dragged down with them. Easier said than done.
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Join Date: Jun 2016
Posts: 773
Little - hugs to you. I can totally relate. But this is what addicts do. Of course he lies about heroin use. And addict "couples" are prone to slapping each other around - no surprise there.
XAH is not drinking/using right now, but is still in early recovery and appears just as crazy. All but abandoned his son, acts like a child, lives with his brother 300 miles away, works a few hours per week (when he could work however many hours he wants - he does not have to take care of our son anymore).
He most certainly does not reside in the same universe as I do - I gave up trying to understand him years ago.
I wish him well and good luck in his recovery.
Hang in there
XAH is not drinking/using right now, but is still in early recovery and appears just as crazy. All but abandoned his son, acts like a child, lives with his brother 300 miles away, works a few hours per week (when he could work however many hours he wants - he does not have to take care of our son anymore).
He most certainly does not reside in the same universe as I do - I gave up trying to understand him years ago.
I wish him well and good luck in his recovery.
Hang in there
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