Tired of living a life of " what if"
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2016
Posts: 16
Tired of living a life of " what if"
I keep finding myself heavily debating the what If factor...
What if he is telling the truth this time
What if he is going to change
What if I get a divorce and regret it
What if I get a divorce and he is clean
All my suspisicons and my gut tell me I'm right
Enormous amounts of money gone ( September alone 4000 in withdraws of 200, 400, etc). We don't share accounts and the account he has is linked to his fathers account so he takes money that isn't even there.
He refused to take drug test and put it back on me that I should trust him
In recent months he has been in the garage all night sometimes found in there next day asleep
Not consistently at work
Bad friend comes around that I have told him I do not want anywhere near here
And another friend of his is in rehab
He also states someone ( bad friends ex) is spreading rumors that he is doing or selling Heroin
None of this makes for an innocent bystander. So why do I keep going back to what If??
Help me please
What if he is telling the truth this time
What if he is going to change
What if I get a divorce and regret it
What if I get a divorce and he is clean
All my suspisicons and my gut tell me I'm right
Enormous amounts of money gone ( September alone 4000 in withdraws of 200, 400, etc). We don't share accounts and the account he has is linked to his fathers account so he takes money that isn't even there.
He refused to take drug test and put it back on me that I should trust him
In recent months he has been in the garage all night sometimes found in there next day asleep
Not consistently at work
Bad friend comes around that I have told him I do not want anywhere near here
And another friend of his is in rehab
He also states someone ( bad friends ex) is spreading rumors that he is doing or selling Heroin
None of this makes for an innocent bystander. So why do I keep going back to what If??
Help me please
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2016
Posts: 16
I should add I directly asked his dad and he wouldn't give me a clean cut answer. He is an enabler and avoider who refuses to recognize that his son has a problem.
I would think and appropriate response to finding out your account is being charged in excess of 1000s of dollars would be something along the lines of anger upset and frustration. Not calm and cool and barely adding to the possible scenarios other then. He has been known to do things for business without asking ( they own a business together )
My response to that was have you happened to see anything st the shop turn up in recent months that is 4000 dollars worth. Again nothing
His dad changes the ownership status last year when I threatened to leave the first time so my husband has little percentage of ownership therefore the money and finances are my father in laws
I would think and appropriate response to finding out your account is being charged in excess of 1000s of dollars would be something along the lines of anger upset and frustration. Not calm and cool and barely adding to the possible scenarios other then. He has been known to do things for business without asking ( they own a business together )
My response to that was have you happened to see anything st the shop turn up in recent months that is 4000 dollars worth. Again nothing
His dad changes the ownership status last year when I threatened to leave the first time so my husband has little percentage of ownership therefore the money and finances are my father in laws
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 5,103
Always trust your gut instinct. What you see is what you see, what you hear is what you hear……don’t ever let anyone talk you out of what you see and hear!
A pretty good indicator of someone’s future behavior is with their past behaviors. And unless something amazing has happened to him like a long term rehab, countless therapy and an all-out effort on his part to change his life……….chances are, he won’t.
What if…….two words with endless possibilities both good and bad. How about you start thinking of the what if of all the positive things that can happen in YOUR life when you no longer have to deal with an active addict.
A pretty good indicator of someone’s future behavior is with their past behaviors. And unless something amazing has happened to him like a long term rehab, countless therapy and an all-out effort on his part to change his life……….chances are, he won’t.
What if…….two words with endless possibilities both good and bad. How about you start thinking of the what if of all the positive things that can happen in YOUR life when you no longer have to deal with an active addict.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
We dream of how we would like our lives to be, how lives are supposed to be...what if I could live a normal happy life?
Sadly, addiction turns the dream into a nightmare and there is nothing normal about our lives once addiction is in the picture.
The only life we control is our own, sometimes that means leaving the addict behind to figure their life out all by themselves and pay the consequences for their actions.
I lost my son to addiction, I know how hard it is to watch a loved one self-destruct. I was beginning to self-destruct myself, just trying to save him and the time came that I had to leave the "what if's" behind and face head on the "what is!" Only then could I face the hard truth that I couldn't save him but I could and should save myself.
Hugs
Sadly, addiction turns the dream into a nightmare and there is nothing normal about our lives once addiction is in the picture.
The only life we control is our own, sometimes that means leaving the addict behind to figure their life out all by themselves and pay the consequences for their actions.
I lost my son to addiction, I know how hard it is to watch a loved one self-destruct. I was beginning to self-destruct myself, just trying to save him and the time came that I had to leave the "what if's" behind and face head on the "what is!" Only then could I face the hard truth that I couldn't save him but I could and should save myself.
Hugs
Member
Join Date: Apr 2016
Posts: 293
I second what atalose said. It's so very easy to get all caught up in their words and manipulation but just go with ACTIONS only. My gut screamed to me my entire realtionship to RUN but instead I stayed, married the guy and had two kids with him. I will never again not listen to my gut. Refusing to take a drug test screams GUILTY! My ex won't take one and now lawyers are involved so I'm taking him to court to get one. Stand your ground and don't let anyone tell you any differently.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Greenville sc
Posts: 137
I stayed for 9 years. I should've listened and left far before I did. Now Ah is in another rehab lawyers and court are involved and its not how I ever imagined. Life with an addict stays the same unless they are sober for the long term. When drugs are involved it just progresses and we have that cycle of hope and let downs.
Please listen to your gut and if you think there is use again it is 99 percent likely to be. I know its hard but you have to look at the actions and take care of yourself. If you keep believing lies they will keep lying and we have that how did we ever get here again feeling.
Hugs. And what if life is so great for you that you never look back.
Please listen to your gut and if you think there is use again it is 99 percent likely to be. I know its hard but you have to look at the actions and take care of yourself. If you keep believing lies they will keep lying and we have that how did we ever get here again feeling.
Hugs. And what if life is so great for you that you never look back.
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