Ilovemysonjj

Hello Family, Just wanted to update you that the "No Hover Contact" is still in action! I have only exchanged one brief Facebook message with JJ for the last 14 days. I have not responded nor inquired on his job status, though he told me he has a job.

I am not reaching out to see where he is staying. He is my friend on Facebook so I have seen him with a girl (of course) and they look normal.

SO, Anvil's words really hit home. Stop breathing through his lungs. I am letting him grow up and see what kind of life he wants to live.

No more job hunting on his behalf, no more suggestions on going to rehab, no more Spanish Inquisition on his daily movements.

I do have a few heart spasms from time to time where I just want to get mad and ask him why I don't matter anymore to him, but I let those pass.

I really truly appreciate all of the support from you all in keeping this point of view and outlook. It has helped me so much.

Love you all!
TT

Refiner

And no more renewing of bus passes! If he has a job, he can pay for his own!

AnvilheadII

I do have a few heart spasms from time to time where I just want to get mad and ask him why I don't matter anymore to him

rubs hands together like mad scientist.....AHA!

your worth as a mother is NOT directly proportional to the number of times he calls NEEDING something!!! the umbilical cord attaches at both ends.....and DETACHES as well.

you are doing well in NHC!!! all is at it should be!

Anaya

Mine was a friend on FB until not so long ago when he dumped other family members and me because we didn't dance to his tune, lol. But that's ok.

Out of the blue, son stopped by to see me the other day; he looks good, seems motivated, is taking care of his "own stuff," and I am happy for him.

Prayers for JJ, you and your family. Take care.

Ilovemysonjj

thank you everyone! Keeping on in my side of the street

Kindeyes

Oh man....I understand how hard it is not to cross the street and start pulling weeds in the neighbor's garden. You're doing great T!!
Hugs
KE

again2016

GREAT JOB T !!!! So proud of you, so very proud of you

Ilovemysonjj

LOVE the pulling weeds in the neighbors garden

GardenMama

Great work! Love the "no hover" and now the "not tending the weeds of others" analogy--well, of course I love that one, being GardenMama.

JimC60

Ilovemysonjj,

"Hello Family,....." nice! Thanks for the update.

Keep coming back,

Jim

Ann

I am so darn proud of you, I could burst. No more "Beam me up, Codie!", no hovering, no weeding gardens that aren't ours to weed...wait, let me get my sunglasses because your recovery is shining, T.

I love what Anvil said, your worth as a mother is not related to his neediness (she said it so much better). You are a wonderful mother who doesn't hover but allows her adult son to grow on his own.

No Hover Contact may be a new recovery tools here, I like the concept and coming from me that is big, I was the Queen of Hover in my day, I hovered in the mothership!

Well done, T.

Mama size hugs
Ann

needingabreak

Teresa that is such good news. I know it isnt easy but I have to ask-do you FEEL better not hovering? D you feel that release of weight?
Gardenmama when I saw the weeding in your neighbor's yard I thought you'd like that lol
Keep up the good work. I think you will see a change in JJ as well because now he has to figure it out on his own. Amazing how they fly when we allow them to! HUGS

Ilovemysonjj

Thank you for all the encouragement. I don't feel that much better BUT I do feel more empowered that I can and will live my life. I really miss my son. No Hover contact doesn't mean I am skipping down the path of life. Apparently JJ had to go the the ER on the 11th (we got mail from the hospital). I sent him a note asking why he had to go. He stated he had an infection. I didn't jump at the bait, but I did remind him that I loved him. I don't know if he will seek rehab again. To be honest, what is different than the last 4 times he has gone?
Its super hard today, I will be honest. I want to swoop in and fix it but I am not going to.

Love you all
TT

Ann

It's hard, T, but it's the right thing, the healthiest thing for both you and for him too.

This mama is cheering you on, with our feet on the ground and our eyes on the path...our path of recovery.

peacelovesober

You may not be skipping but you sound like you have a little of your sanity back. Its a hard situation and you are doing the best you can and that's what matters. Good for you. Keep loving from a distance. The phrase at a safe distance takes on a whole new light when you love an A.

Hugs and peace

Ilovemysonjj

JJ is in full blown relapse. All windows, doors locked, and no contact.
Pray please.

atalose

Lots of prayers for the both of you and the strength in doing what you know is right but hardest to do.

((hugs))

Ilovemysonjj

Thank you, I really need the prayers and strength. EVERY nerve and bone in my body is screaming to do something.

atalose

I know!!! Do you go to al-anon? If so, maybe try and find a meeting to go to today.
Try and keep busy.

Ann

I agree, now is the time when finding a meeting and showing up at the door will bring you more support and relief than you could ever know.

Al-anon, Nar-anon, CoDA, any family group that is for those like us who are knocked to our knees by addiction.

Please reach out and find one today.

My prayers continue for JJ. That he finds his own way to recovery and is willing to do what needs doing.

Hugs