Coworker with past drug issues, am I being too hard on her?
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Coworker with past drug issues, am I being too hard on her?
I work in a retail beauty supply store.
We have a 20-year-old girl who has been working here for about a month. She has bipolar disorder, PTSD from a "sexual trauma" that happened to her two years ago, ADHD and who knows what else. She goes to an IOP class three times a week. She says it's for her "trauma" but I wonder if it's for drug addiction.
Her mom keeps her on a really short leash. They share a car, so her mom always drops her off and picks her up. In addition to this, her mom comes into the store regularly, usually it's to bring her daughter something. The last time it was to bring her cigarettes, even though she doesn't like her smoking.
Wednesday of last week, her mom pulled the car up to the curb in front of the store to drop her off for her shift. I could see that they were in the car arguing. The girl finally came in sobbing crying, clocked in, and went to the back.
A few minutes later she told me how her mother had forced her and her boyfriend to break up, how her mother went to her boyfriend's mom's workplace and threatened to file a restraining order against him.
She says her mom doesn't trust her ever since her "trauma"...she was raped and sexually molested by her drug dealer when she was a freshman in college.
I have no idea if she's still using drugs. She makes me nervous because I feel like she might steal.
We have a 20-year-old girl who has been working here for about a month. She has bipolar disorder, PTSD from a "sexual trauma" that happened to her two years ago, ADHD and who knows what else. She goes to an IOP class three times a week. She says it's for her "trauma" but I wonder if it's for drug addiction.
Her mom keeps her on a really short leash. They share a car, so her mom always drops her off and picks her up. In addition to this, her mom comes into the store regularly, usually it's to bring her daughter something. The last time it was to bring her cigarettes, even though she doesn't like her smoking.
Wednesday of last week, her mom pulled the car up to the curb in front of the store to drop her off for her shift. I could see that they were in the car arguing. The girl finally came in sobbing crying, clocked in, and went to the back.
A few minutes later she told me how her mother had forced her and her boyfriend to break up, how her mother went to her boyfriend's mom's workplace and threatened to file a restraining order against him.
She says her mom doesn't trust her ever since her "trauma"...she was raped and sexually molested by her drug dealer when she was a freshman in college.
I have no idea if she's still using drugs. She makes me nervous because I feel like she might steal.
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I wouldn't automatically assume she will "steal."
She could be working recovery but have an overbearing and co dependent mother who isnt working recovery.
I would probably keep an eye out as I would for any employee. Most retail stores are equipped to catch thiefs, counting drawers, cameras, etc.
Since you and her seem to have conversations about her past, i would stress that this is a work environment and personal issues must be checked at the time clock.
She could be working recovery but have an overbearing and co dependent mother who isnt working recovery.
I would probably keep an eye out as I would for any employee. Most retail stores are equipped to catch thiefs, counting drawers, cameras, etc.
Since you and her seem to have conversations about her past, i would stress that this is a work environment and personal issues must be checked at the time clock.
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Originally Posted by Refiner 
You bet she'll "steal" and also cause a lot of drama. Steer clear of that mess. Sounds like Mom's trying her best to set her straight. Sadly that usually doesn't stick.
And so far, the worst she's doing is being driven around by her mom and having some mild relationship drama.
I'd steer clear of her but I'm supposed to be training her.
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Originally Posted by choublak
Why'd you put "steal" in quotes?
And so far, the worst she's doing is being driven around by her mom and having some mild relationship drama.
I'd steer clear of her but I'm supposed to be training her.
And so far, the worst she's doing is being driven around by her mom and having some mild relationship drama.
I'd steer clear of her but I'm supposed to be training her.
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if you are training her, you should NOT have had such personal discussions in the first place. the workplace is not where we openly discuss things like addiction and rape. NOT because they are things that should be swept under the rug, but because it is not the appropriate venue.
so if you are training her, TRAIN her. teach her. make it about the job, the work environment, the rules, expected behavior.
she's 20, she's been messed up, she's trying. i trained a woman from Ethiopia with very limited english (but good skills) in our accounts receivable system, and general ledger processes. at her six month probation, i almost let her go as it was slow going, but i gave her a chance and she is still with our company 20 years later. AND her husband works there as well. they are paid good wages comensurate to their skills.
so if you are training her, TRAIN her. teach her. make it about the job, the work environment, the rules, expected behavior.
she's 20, she's been messed up, she's trying. i trained a woman from Ethiopia with very limited english (but good skills) in our accounts receivable system, and general ledger processes. at her six month probation, i almost let her go as it was slow going, but i gave her a chance and she is still with our company 20 years later. AND her husband works there as well. they are paid good wages comensurate to their skills.
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Originally Posted by AnvilheadII
if you are training her, you should NOT have had such personal discussions in the first place. the workplace is not where we openly discuss things like addiction and rape. NOT because they are things that should be swept under the rug, but because it is not the appropriate venue.
so if you are training her, TRAIN her. teach her. make it about the job, the work environment, the rules, expected behavior.
she's 20, she's been messed up, she's trying. i trained a woman from Ethiopia with very limited english (but good skills) in our accounts receivable system, and general ledger processes. at her six month probation, i almost let her go as it was slow going, but i gave her a chance and she is still with our company 20 years later. AND her husband works there as well. they are paid good wages comensurate to their skills.
so if you are training her, TRAIN her. teach her. make it about the job, the work environment, the rules, expected behavior.
she's 20, she's been messed up, she's trying. i trained a woman from Ethiopia with very limited english (but good skills) in our accounts receivable system, and general ledger processes. at her six month probation, i almost let her go as it was slow going, but i gave her a chance and she is still with our company 20 years later. AND her husband works there as well. they are paid good wages comensurate to their skills.
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Originally Posted by choublak
She's becoming difficult because she doesn't do anything, she doesn't do the tasks assigned to her.
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I know you mean well, but I have to ask
Is she your co-worker or subordinate?
You can always tell her that you are not comfortable discussing personal matters at work - that should cut out some of the drama.
I had to train several people, and when they don't perform - it is really more of a manager concern. At some point you have to let them swim (or drown I suppose). If they don't do tasks assigned to them and it affects you - bring it up to manager in a way "I would like to work on better process of XYZ" and this is where you can carefully work in your concerns with your co-worker
If she is your subordinate - just give her a list of things that you want to improve. I am amazed at a number of folks in management who dance around the issues when if would benefit both parties just to lay it all out there. And mention that she should not discuss personal matters in a workplace. If she gets her feelings hurt - it is not your issue.
Is she your co-worker or subordinate?
You can always tell her that you are not comfortable discussing personal matters at work - that should cut out some of the drama.
I had to train several people, and when they don't perform - it is really more of a manager concern. At some point you have to let them swim (or drown I suppose). If they don't do tasks assigned to them and it affects you - bring it up to manager in a way "I would like to work on better process of XYZ" and this is where you can carefully work in your concerns with your co-worker
If she is your subordinate - just give her a list of things that you want to improve. I am amazed at a number of folks in management who dance around the issues when if would benefit both parties just to lay it all out there. And mention that she should not discuss personal matters in a workplace. If she gets her feelings hurt - it is not your issue.
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I don't know. I kind of empathize with her, because I recently opened up to another mom at my kids' school, who I thought I was becoming friends with. I told her about all the drama in my life- how I'd gotten a restraining order against my ex, his drug use, etc. I soon found out that she'd blabbed to all the other moms, and that she'd told them she was certain I was also a meth addict, because otherwise I would never have stayed in that situation (I'm sure the fact that I'm thin and have acne scars doesn't help). Anyway, I really regret opening up to her. She seemed so kind and non-judgmental, and at the time I really needed a friend. I imagine this girl feels the same way about you, which is why she speaks so freely. Still, she is wrong to burden you with this information. It puts you in quite a predicament. I agree with the above comment- your job is to train her, and that includes telling her what does and does not constitute proper workplace behavior. I'm sure it can be hard to tell her to leave the drama to her mama, but you need to (in the politest way possible, of course). Yes, you should watch her around money, as you should any employee. Oftentimes, those who steal are the ones we trust the most. I remember when I worked as a waitress a very well-respected staff member was caught by ATM camera draining a customer's bank account with a stolen debit card. He was definitely the last anyone would have expected this from.
Take care.
Take care.
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Originally Posted by Nata1980
Is she your co-worker or subordinate?
Originally Posted by Nata1980
At some point you have to let them swim (or drown I suppose). If they don't do tasks assigned to them and it affects you - bring it up to manager in a way "I would like to work on better process of XYZ" and this is where you can carefully work in your concerns with your co-worker
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This is all really disturbing.
You are not her manager. You don't have authority over her (yet). You need to let the actual managers manage.
You know her info- how, I don't know- and you are incredibly judgmental, putting " " around her sexual abuse alone screams disbelief and criticism (to which you freely admit re people with addiction)....and assuming her attack is indeed true, is yet another kind of trauma victims experience- you are dealing that out in spades.
A saying in AA that would apply to you is to keep YOUR side of the road clean. It can be hard to "back off from" info that we don't want or, truly, NEED to have - esp in the work place- but that is exactly what you need to do. It certainly doesn't sound like you want to be of support to her, so you need to worry about you, not her.
The BB also says we are not supposed to give advice. But I feel strongly about this as I would be challenged to successfully handle someone clearly against me, in the workplace myself. I am fortunate to have bosses who know I am in recovery (and I work in a restaurant, so some others see and hear some amount of conversation about how I don't drink) but they do NOT know or need to know the details and finer points of what I have done, been through, or am dealing with.
You are way in the wrong here. Unless and until you become her boss, you need to steer clear of her if you can't get along, are judgmental and basically....up in her business - regardless of how you found out or if she shared, workplace practices (such as limits on a parent showing up) should be the focus. Further, you don't know how worried her mom is, where this (seeming) inappropriate and infringing behavior is coming from (possibly a panic about her daughter's stability, life, everything??) or need to be concerned about it.
SMH.
You are not her manager. You don't have authority over her (yet). You need to let the actual managers manage.
You know her info- how, I don't know- and you are incredibly judgmental, putting " " around her sexual abuse alone screams disbelief and criticism (to which you freely admit re people with addiction)....and assuming her attack is indeed true, is yet another kind of trauma victims experience- you are dealing that out in spades.
A saying in AA that would apply to you is to keep YOUR side of the road clean. It can be hard to "back off from" info that we don't want or, truly, NEED to have - esp in the work place- but that is exactly what you need to do. It certainly doesn't sound like you want to be of support to her, so you need to worry about you, not her.
The BB also says we are not supposed to give advice. But I feel strongly about this as I would be challenged to successfully handle someone clearly against me, in the workplace myself. I am fortunate to have bosses who know I am in recovery (and I work in a restaurant, so some others see and hear some amount of conversation about how I don't drink) but they do NOT know or need to know the details and finer points of what I have done, been through, or am dealing with.
You are way in the wrong here. Unless and until you become her boss, you need to steer clear of her if you can't get along, are judgmental and basically....up in her business - regardless of how you found out or if she shared, workplace practices (such as limits on a parent showing up) should be the focus. Further, you don't know how worried her mom is, where this (seeming) inappropriate and infringing behavior is coming from (possibly a panic about her daughter's stability, life, everything??) or need to be concerned about it.
SMH.
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Originally Posted by August252015
You know her info- how, I don't know- and you are incredibly judgmental, putting " " around her sexual abuse alone screams disbelief and criticism (to which you freely admit re people with addiction)....and assuming her attack is indeed true, is yet another kind of trauma victims experience- you are dealing that out in spades.
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I think this is a place where people come to seek support and advice for our addiction and for people in our lives that we love and care for who are dealing with addictions. I don't believe you actually love or care for this girl and so I don't think this is the spot for you to be. Perhaps discuss it with your manager, if you haven't already. i have to be honest, I find it a little upsetting that you're so quick to assume and judge. If you really cared for her it would be understandable to ask questions and seek advise in order to help her and yourself. But it's seems to me that you're only interested in knowing her business and judging her for it.
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