I think I'm going crazy
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2016
Posts: 3
I think I'm going crazy
need help. My crack addicted boyfriend's 2.5 years walked out on us a month ago today.
I have a 13 year old daughter and this is the only "father" figure she has ever known. They loved each other.
When I first met my love, he was in active addiction. I didn't use, but once every five or so years since I was 17 I had smoked a few times for "fun". This was one of those times. We used together that night.
For months this man would come into my work nearly every day, just to see me. I wouldn't give him the time of day. But his charm won me over and we began seeing each other. He expressed the want to get sober. I supported it and him. I went to every meeting, Dr appointments, job opportunities etc. I held his hand through it all.
He moved in with us, the first few months were amazing, although I started to exhibit some signs of ptsd and was completely unaware. The relationship before him was 7 years of he'll. It was extremely abusive and riddled with unmedicated mental illness. So because I was dealing with those feelings, I began to drink a little more often. Finally it came to a head, we argued, I agreed to stop drinking and sought professional help. I was diagnosed with Ptsd and Gad.
Things were OK. Not perfect but we were doing OK and happy. Fast forward to Halloween. We had a disagreement the night before. I spent the night at a friends. I came home to him gone.
He had relapsed. We discussed it when he came home. He admitted it, agreed it was wrong and decided he wasn't going to use again.
Till Christmas. He works in a homeless shelter. He had a particularly difficult day at work and an argument with a coworker.
He came home, he started drinking. We had dinner, played monopoly opened gifts, etc. It was about midnight and he started calling his old friends. He wanted to see his best friend, a dealer and user, I said he wasn't going anywhere. I didn't trust it. So he began saying so come with me, I just want to have a drink, an hour I promise. So we went. He had the drink as we were sitting in a crack house, then he asked for a stone. My heart broke. He did it, I said we were leaving, we did.
Here's where hell begins. He got a dealer friend a job at his work. The not coming home, sneakiness, lies and money being missing began.
It was horrible. The behaviour tapered off a bit, and he would go after work and then come home but wouldn't be gone for hours.
We would argue, I would cry beg and plead. He detached, physically, emotionally and mentally. It was a very hard thing to watch. A person you love turn into a shell of a person you used to know.
I fell into a depression, sad emotional wreck. My daughter went to camp for a month in July. So at night he was alone, he would go out after I left for work.
By August he was using in our home. Even when my daughter was here. Our arguments continued about his usage, not coming home, all the women calling etc.
On the 26th of August I woke up to him packing his things. We argued and in an attempt to stop him from leaving things got physical. We were yelling and screaming on the front porch, I was tearing bags open and throwing them back in the house. It was ugly, really ugly.
He left. He cut off all communications with me, blocked all my numbers, will not speak to me.
My daughter called him, they spoke. He will talk with her, but not me.
He decided to show up here high on the first night of school at 1:30 in the morning. Calling and banging on the door, my daughter woke was scared but let him in. He grabbed one bag, hugged her said he was sorry and left.
I let him know he had more stuff here and how angry I was he did that to her. We spoke a few times briefly I asked him to meet me to talk. He says yes but then doesn't answer when I call.
Last night I came home and my daughter and I had an argument she was so upset that she told me she wanted to run away and threatening to kill herself. she has been struggling with the abandonment something fierce. After I calmed her down and got her to bed I messaged him. I told him what was going on and how she feels he hates her. I then told him I won't bother him again.
He messaged her this morning telling her he doesn't hate her, he's sorry she got hurt but he has to do what's right for him. He wanted to come get his stuff. She messaged him back explaining how sad she is, how his addiction changed him, how scared she is etc. That he should call me before coming because I was sleeping.
He called I told him how angry I was and I didn't think it was a good idea for him to come today. He hung up.
He then called back and proceeded to yell at me and tell me to throw the stuff out and to never contact him or speak to him in life for anything.
I am so heartbroken. I can't stop crying. I'm mourning the man I love. I worry I will never hear from him, and that she won't either.
I'm so scared for him, I'm beside myself. I don't know what to do.
Why is he so angry with me? I need help. Please
I have a 13 year old daughter and this is the only "father" figure she has ever known. They loved each other.
When I first met my love, he was in active addiction. I didn't use, but once every five or so years since I was 17 I had smoked a few times for "fun". This was one of those times. We used together that night.
For months this man would come into my work nearly every day, just to see me. I wouldn't give him the time of day. But his charm won me over and we began seeing each other. He expressed the want to get sober. I supported it and him. I went to every meeting, Dr appointments, job opportunities etc. I held his hand through it all.
He moved in with us, the first few months were amazing, although I started to exhibit some signs of ptsd and was completely unaware. The relationship before him was 7 years of he'll. It was extremely abusive and riddled with unmedicated mental illness. So because I was dealing with those feelings, I began to drink a little more often. Finally it came to a head, we argued, I agreed to stop drinking and sought professional help. I was diagnosed with Ptsd and Gad.
Things were OK. Not perfect but we were doing OK and happy. Fast forward to Halloween. We had a disagreement the night before. I spent the night at a friends. I came home to him gone.
He had relapsed. We discussed it when he came home. He admitted it, agreed it was wrong and decided he wasn't going to use again.
Till Christmas. He works in a homeless shelter. He had a particularly difficult day at work and an argument with a coworker.
He came home, he started drinking. We had dinner, played monopoly opened gifts, etc. It was about midnight and he started calling his old friends. He wanted to see his best friend, a dealer and user, I said he wasn't going anywhere. I didn't trust it. So he began saying so come with me, I just want to have a drink, an hour I promise. So we went. He had the drink as we were sitting in a crack house, then he asked for a stone. My heart broke. He did it, I said we were leaving, we did.
Here's where hell begins. He got a dealer friend a job at his work. The not coming home, sneakiness, lies and money being missing began.
It was horrible. The behaviour tapered off a bit, and he would go after work and then come home but wouldn't be gone for hours.
We would argue, I would cry beg and plead. He detached, physically, emotionally and mentally. It was a very hard thing to watch. A person you love turn into a shell of a person you used to know.
I fell into a depression, sad emotional wreck. My daughter went to camp for a month in July. So at night he was alone, he would go out after I left for work.
By August he was using in our home. Even when my daughter was here. Our arguments continued about his usage, not coming home, all the women calling etc.
On the 26th of August I woke up to him packing his things. We argued and in an attempt to stop him from leaving things got physical. We were yelling and screaming on the front porch, I was tearing bags open and throwing them back in the house. It was ugly, really ugly.
He left. He cut off all communications with me, blocked all my numbers, will not speak to me.
My daughter called him, they spoke. He will talk with her, but not me.
He decided to show up here high on the first night of school at 1:30 in the morning. Calling and banging on the door, my daughter woke was scared but let him in. He grabbed one bag, hugged her said he was sorry and left.
I let him know he had more stuff here and how angry I was he did that to her. We spoke a few times briefly I asked him to meet me to talk. He says yes but then doesn't answer when I call.
Last night I came home and my daughter and I had an argument she was so upset that she told me she wanted to run away and threatening to kill herself. she has been struggling with the abandonment something fierce. After I calmed her down and got her to bed I messaged him. I told him what was going on and how she feels he hates her. I then told him I won't bother him again.
He messaged her this morning telling her he doesn't hate her, he's sorry she got hurt but he has to do what's right for him. He wanted to come get his stuff. She messaged him back explaining how sad she is, how his addiction changed him, how scared she is etc. That he should call me before coming because I was sleeping.
He called I told him how angry I was and I didn't think it was a good idea for him to come today. He hung up.
He then called back and proceeded to yell at me and tell me to throw the stuff out and to never contact him or speak to him in life for anything.
I am so heartbroken. I can't stop crying. I'm mourning the man I love. I worry I will never hear from him, and that she won't either.
I'm so scared for him, I'm beside myself. I don't know what to do.
Why is he so angry with me? I need help. Please
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
aw sweetie....i know it's painful, but as time goes by you will see that this is truly for the best.....for you and especially for your 13 yr old daughter. crack addiction is an evil, awful place and no child should be around that....no human actually. he was using in the home with your child present.
it doesn't get any worse than that.
you went TO a crack house WITH him. is that really a place for your daughter's mom to be?
you've been thru a lot in the past many years -- in large part as a result of the partner's you have been with. NOW is the time for it to be just YOU and your precious girl. NOW you both begin to heal. counseling for both of you would be highly recommended. and lots of time and distance from your ex. he's done you a big favor.
i'm glad you found us. i hope you stay. i hope this is your turning point.
it doesn't get any worse than that.
you went TO a crack house WITH him. is that really a place for your daughter's mom to be?
you've been thru a lot in the past many years -- in large part as a result of the partner's you have been with. NOW is the time for it to be just YOU and your precious girl. NOW you both begin to heal. counseling for both of you would be highly recommended. and lots of time and distance from your ex. he's done you a big favor.
i'm glad you found us. i hope you stay. i hope this is your turning point.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: Wareham, Mass
Posts: 7,067
Hello and welcome, Hearthurt. This is a great site with lots of people who have been where you are now. No advice, just a thought. As awful and as sad as it is to have the man you love leave, consider that he is giving you a great gift: life without an addict in it. May not seem like a good thing right now, but...give it time.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: America
Posts: 4,136
I've never been personally involved with a crack addict, but my sister once was and she got to a point in that marriage where she was just desperately wanting him out of her life, even if it meant he left her for another woman. She did not feel SAFE and she wasn't safe as his addiction progressed and came to head one terrible night. She managed to get out of it alive, for which we were all grateful for. So, welcome to this site and I say safety is number one here for your and your girl.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2016
Posts: 3
Thank you all for responding. I've been so alone in this, hiding his dirty little secret for far too long.
I feel like I'm mourning, only he is still alive. That sounds crazy, I know, but it's how I feel.
Why is he so angry with me? Do any of you have experience with this?
I know him leaving was the best thing, but it sure doesn't feel that way.
He gets to go to work and pretend he has his stuff together and make me out to be the witch.
I've enabled him and that hurt him more than helped.
I'm trying to be strong for my little girl, but to watch her fall apart is so hard.
Do you think he really meant it when he said he would never talk to me again?
Or is he angry I said no to him for the first time.
I'm so broken and lost. I miss the man he was. Crack stole him from us.
I feel like I'm mourning, only he is still alive. That sounds crazy, I know, but it's how I feel.
Why is he so angry with me? Do any of you have experience with this?
I know him leaving was the best thing, but it sure doesn't feel that way.
He gets to go to work and pretend he has his stuff together and make me out to be the witch.
I've enabled him and that hurt him more than helped.
I'm trying to be strong for my little girl, but to watch her fall apart is so hard.
Do you think he really meant it when he said he would never talk to me again?
Or is he angry I said no to him for the first time.
I'm so broken and lost. I miss the man he was. Crack stole him from us.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Posts: 635
Originally Posted by HeartHurt 
Thank you all for responding. I've been so alone in this, hiding his dirty little secret for far too long.
I feel like I'm mourning, only he is still alive. That sounds crazy, I know, but it's how I feel.
Why is he so angry with me? Do any of you have experience with this?
I know him leaving was the best thing, but it sure doesn't feel that way.
He gets to go to work and pretend he has his stuff together and make me out to be the witch.
I've enabled him and that hurt him more than helped.
I'm trying to be strong for my little girl, but to watch her fall apart is so hard.
Do you think he really meant it when he said he would never talk to me again?
Or is he angry I said no to him for the first time.
I'm so broken and lost. I miss the man he was. Crack stole him from us.
I feel like I'm mourning, only he is still alive. That sounds crazy, I know, but it's how I feel.
Why is he so angry with me? Do any of you have experience with this?
I know him leaving was the best thing, but it sure doesn't feel that way.
He gets to go to work and pretend he has his stuff together and make me out to be the witch.
I've enabled him and that hurt him more than helped.
I'm trying to be strong for my little girl, but to watch her fall apart is so hard.
Do you think he really meant it when he said he would never talk to me again?
Or is he angry I said no to him for the first time.
I'm so broken and lost. I miss the man he was. Crack stole him from us.
I'm sorry for what you're going through, but you really do need to focus on your daughter and yourself right now. He's put you both in so much danger.
Wishing you the best.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: America
Posts: 4,136
Sure he's angry because you said "no", absolutely. If you want to know whether or not an addict is truly in recovery, say "no" and see how they react. Lay down a boundary and see how they accept it.
Addiction of any kind messes with peoples' brain, thus their behavior, but crack addiction is a particularly wicked beast.
Right now, you need to stay strong and maintain the boundary that's been established and focus on you and your daughter. I know it's hard right now, but things could get even WORSE if he remains in your life.
Addiction of any kind messes with peoples' brain, thus their behavior, but crack addiction is a particularly wicked beast.
Right now, you need to stay strong and maintain the boundary that's been established and focus on you and your daughter. I know it's hard right now, but things could get even WORSE if he remains in your life.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
Last night I came home and my daughter and I had an argument she was so upset that she told me she wanted to run away and threatening to kill herself. she has been struggling with the abandonment something fierce. After I calmed her down and got her to bed I messaged him. I told him what was going on and how she feels he hates her. I then told him I won't bother him again.
your daughter is in CRISIS. we cannot expect those that harmed us to help us. he was a crack addict when you met.....crack didn't come in and STEAL him......he brought lots of chaos and upheaval and drug abuse into your home and into your daughter's life. she is telling you she needs you NOW. not him.
your daughter is in CRISIS. we cannot expect those that harmed us to help us. he was a crack addict when you met.....crack didn't come in and STEAL him......he brought lots of chaos and upheaval and drug abuse into your home and into your daughter's life. she is telling you she needs you NOW. not him.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2016
Posts: 3
I know she is in crisis. We both are. I have set up counselling for her. It began that day.
I am trying to make all the right decisions but I have to say it is difficult. I know him not being here is for the best, but it's hard not to miss his presence. For both of us.
I don't have experience in dealing with something like this, this is why I'm here.
I keep reminding myself this is the best thing, but it doesn't feel like it.
I talk with my daughter non stop, I spend as much time as I can, but it's difficult. I work 12 hour days seven days a week.
I'm burning out. That and I don't have anyone to talk to. I'm very isolated
I am trying to make all the right decisions but I have to say it is difficult. I know him not being here is for the best, but it's hard not to miss his presence. For both of us.
I don't have experience in dealing with something like this, this is why I'm here.
I keep reminding myself this is the best thing, but it doesn't feel like it.
I talk with my daughter non stop, I spend as much time as I can, but it's difficult. I work 12 hour days seven days a week.
I'm burning out. That and I don't have anyone to talk to. I'm very isolated
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
Hearthurt....congrats to you that you got your daughter to help, right away! As well as the fact that you are there to talk to her....
working 12hr. days...seven days a week....You have a lot on your plate!
I can relate to the burnout!!!
Please come here and ventilate as much as you need to....Just label it "A Vent"...lol....
That is what we are here for....all of us.....
You must be a tough person....and, that toughness is what will carry you through, in the long run.....
working 12hr. days...seven days a week....You have a lot on your plate!
I can relate to the burnout!!!
Please come here and ventilate as much as you need to....Just label it "A Vent"...lol....
That is what we are here for....all of us.....
You must be a tough person....and, that toughness is what will carry you through, in the long run.....
Member
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Greenville sc
Posts: 137
Originally Posted by teatreeoil007
Sure he's angry because you said "no", absolutely. If you want to know whether or not an addict is truly in recovery, say "no" and see how they react. Lay down a boundary and see how they accept it.
Addiction of any kind messes with peoples' brain, thus their behavior, but crack addiction is a particularly wicked beast.
Right now, you need to stay strong and maintain the boundary that's been established and focus on you and your daughter. I know it's hard right now, but things could get even WORSE if he remains in your life.
Addiction of any kind messes with peoples' brain, thus their behavior, but crack addiction is a particularly wicked beast.
Right now, you need to stay strong and maintain the boundary that's been established and focus on you and your daughter. I know it's hard right now, but things could get even WORSE if he remains in your life.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
its good you sought counseling for your daughter, that is a very wise step. please consider some sessions for yourself. it IS important to have someone to talk to, but it is immensely helpful to have a professional to talk to who can help guide you thru this difficult time.
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