gabriel01

Long story short. I came here 2 years ago. I got help felt happier and stronger. I had 2 years happy time. My addict bf got help and cleaned (That's what I believed). We had 2 happy and normal years. Until last week, I found 4 empty beer bottles and believed his excuse (coworker left them in his car after the company BBQ party). However tonight, when I went downstairs to bring to dog up to sleep. I saw him having a seizure, his face turn purple, barely breathing and not responding. I knew he overdosed. I called 911 and they came and sent him to the hospital. He almost died. I called his parents. They came and told them he is in the hospital. Also I let them know I will not let him come home again. They understand. Now here I am. I don't feel anything. I am not angry or sad. Not even have a tear. Just could not fall asleep and watching TV. What in my mind is when I wake up tmr, I will pack up his stuffs and tell his parents to come and pick them up and the dog (it's his parents' dog, we are just dog sitting during the weekends). No contact after. It's different this time, I don't even want to know when did he start using again or questions like this. I used to want to find out every details. But this time, I just don't feel anything at this moment. Just awake at 2am.

Seren

Hello gabriel,

You have had quite a shocking night!! I'm so sorry and hope you will be able to get some rest today.

I think, sometimes, we just get to a point with our addicted loved ones/partners that we can't take anymore no matter what the explanation, no matter what the promises or actions.

I hope you will stick around here for some support for yourself. Please take good care! Please try to get some extra rest today

Maudcat

Agree with Sere. Try to get some rest. Things will be better then. Sounds like you are done with your SO.

Ann

We each eventually reach an "enough" point and I think you have reached yours. It was similar for me with my son, just one night of crisis and I knew I could not do a single day more and I turned my son's care over to God and began reclaiming my life once more.

You may have been dumb last night, today the reality may hit. But I think your mind knows that this is "enough" and I pray for your courage and strength as you move on.

Hugs

Ariesagain

Sending you a hug. I'm so sorry.

At least now you can move on, not that it's ever that easy.

Refiner

I think your give a damm finally busted. Good for you to start healthy new beginnings. And brace yourself for all the "I'm sorries it will never happen again I am quitting for good this time" BS that will be heaped on.

FeelingGreat

So sorry Gabriel, especially that you found out in such a horrible way. Now you know your own mind at least.
You have some hard times ahead, but at least your way is clear.

gabriel01

I packed his stuffs yesterday and called his parents to pick them up.
I found the left over drug he used on Saturday night in the bathroom. And when I talked to his parents, they told me he said he rather did not wake up that night. It's heart-breaking. But there is no way I can take a chance to see he might die in front of me again. I do not think I can cope with if I wake up one morning and find him died on the couch one day. So I have to let him go.

It is a really bad timing. His parents booked a trip to Bona Island for 2 weeks with friends long time ago, and they are leaving today. I understand why his parents will stay on the plan, because nothing they can really do if he decided to use it again. I don't think they will have a good time. But staying home with him is not a solution as well.

He went to see his previous sponsor and hit up a meeting last night. His mom introduced herself to the sponsor. So if anything happens this couple weeks while they are gone, his sponsor can contact her.

I know nothing I can do or help. The trust I gave him from last time is broken now. I do not want to become a detective again. It was a good 2 years we had, and I learned to trust again. But not to addicts, recovered or not. It's not the chance I am willing to take again. At the same time, I need time to recover the trauma I experienced 2 nights ago. I will leave him to God.

hopepraylove

Sending you big hugs.

gabriel01

Today, I got a text from him saying that he will deposit the mortgage money this Thursday. It's almost the end of the month, most bills dues soon. It feels weird. I am not sure if I should accept it. He owns half of the house legally, but I kicked him out and I don't want to let him come back. But where else can I move?

He lives with his parents right now and going to the meetings everyday now, as far as I know. We didn't contact each other directly, but only his parents informed me. His parents did let him know he should not show up to the house unannounced and without them present. I think in their mind, this separate situation is only for a short term. Yet I don't think I can take another chance he might OD at home again. This is why I wanted him to leave the house that night.

I have not replied his message yet, I am not sure what to say. Of course I need that money to pay bills. Well, I can afford maybe 2-3 months without his portion yet.

AnvilheadII

why shouldn't you accept money for the house?

Steely

Please accept the mortgage, it is his responsibility.

Nelly1

Agreed.... Let him give you the money for the mortgage. This may sound awful....'and I don't mean to sound as harsh as I do, but you not taking it and not making him responsible for his priorities will only leave him with more money for drugs. Every time I tried to bail out my fiancé (cover his half of things and not hold him accountable) he would take that money and use. I would be left scrambling and working overtime to make up the loss.... He was always blissfully free of any responsibility. Take good care of yourself! You are stronger than you think!