maysmile

its been exactly one year since I found out the man I loved more than anyone before was a crack addict. I've spent the last year fighting with myself and him on what could be done and what I could expect. He was never mean, unfaithful or aggressive to me, but I was always second to his drug. He loved me as much as he could but never enough.
It angers me that he let me believe we had a future for so long before I found out his truth from his ex.
He has never tried to stop. He wants me to love him as he is. To accept he has a disease and let him move in with me so he can heal. Away from his mother who is also addicted and enables him.
I chose to leave him behind. I have my children to protect. I don't think I can trust or believe him.
He's 40, has a good job but it's right across the street from the home he shares with his mom and where he gets high.
I feel so bad and yet so free.
I feel lost and heartbroken too.
Today is 30 days since I told him he could not come live with me and I changed my number. It's the longest I've gone without any contact from him.
How long will this pain last in my heart? How do I stop myself from looking for him to see how he is? I don't need this in my life. I have a great life. But how could I have fallen in love with a drug addict?!?

kittycat3

Do not beat yourself up. You loved someone, that shows you are able to care about someone else. That's a good thing! But it is important that you recognize that you fell for someone who cannot be a partner and isn't what you deserve. I do recommend trying to find out what it was that attracted you to him. Most healthy people would not be in a relationship with an active addict. Have you been to Al Anon? Therapy? It could really help you sort this out. You did the right thing by breaking contact. Now get yourself the help you need and deserve. Hugs.

Bekindalways

^^^^ Man oh man, many years ago I felt/thought the same thing. Mine was into meth. It certainly is like having a rug pulled out from under you.

Congrats for having the gumption, wisdom and endurance to get away and stay away

For me the pain lasted a long, long time. Everyday you get through is just a bit closer to healing.

Big hug to you

CodeJob

Hugs and well wishes to you!