marbles71

Hi all,

I believe my GF is using Crystal Meth, I don't know where she does it? how long it takes her to do it... I know she uses a meth pipe (sometimes) but are there any other 'quick ways' to do it?

I am a little naive as I drink VERY little, never smoked and have had a very healthy lifestyle all my life...

I guess my point is; I know nothing about the way she consumes it and when, I only notice differences in her behaviour. Like yesterday, she came back from work with stomach pain, vomited, diarrhea... so she came straight to bed... at night; her body was really hot... which is not uncommon as the blankets we use are think and I am even hot but she gets unusually hot and I believe this may be caused by the 'hit'. Despite her feeling 'sick', she was ok to talk and a couple of hours later she was feeling 'a little better'.
If you guys believe these were symptoms of her having a 'hit'...

How long before did she take it? 1-2-3-8 hours?

Are these symptoms 'normal' or an overdose?


She has not yet opened up to her using it but I know she is (found a meth pipe twice and a bag with the drug once in her purse); as expected, it was someone else's - yeah right!

I would like to know;

1.More details on what behavioural and physical signs to look for...

2. Where do meth addicts hide this stuff?

3. How quickly can they do a 'hit' and methods?

4. What will it take her to come clear and admit she is using it?

I have been clear to her that 'I can handle anything as long as she is honest however I feel she's been close to admit it but has not... why? is there anything - encouragement, reduce criticism or anything I need to do or stop doing so she can come clean and admit it?

5. When she has taken a hit, how long should I expect her to be on a high?

6. What should I do if I believe she is taken meth? stay away, stay close, ignore her? we live together. how should I behave?

7. In Australia, how expensive is a hit of ice?

8. I have the better job and earn more than twice compared to her salary however I give her money here and there but I am concerned this is actually allowing her to have more $$$ for the drug... should i just stop it?

I really hope you guys can help me understand this better and try to help her more... and I hope this is not too late...

Nata1980

Hello!

One thing that strikes me from your questions - you are trying to find ways to monitor her consumption. When there is a will to hide drug consumption - there is always a way. It is not your job to know whether she is high or sober. She will lie about it anyway.

How about a straight conversation with her along the lines "I found drug paraphernalia, it's unacceptable" and ask her to move out until she gets herself together?

This way you don't have to worry about her condition or how much drugs set her back in terms of money....

Good luck

Hechosedrugs

1) Behavioral and physical signs vary. Like I said, some people are able to hide their addictions pretty well. But the one thing you can almost always count on is that an addict will always be short on cash, and money will go missing. Also, if they're using a debit card at the grocery store, they're almost certainly going to get cash back. It took me a long time to figure out why my AX would go to the store for a red bull and some chips and the charge would be $40+.

2) They'll hide it wherever they think you can't find it. And they're really good at it most of the time. Expect that now that you've found it, she'll be extra cautious. This is her lifeline at this point! Her precious!

3) How long does it take? Can't answer this one, but I'd expect it not to take too long. And meth can be snorted, drank, shot up, eaten. The possibilities are endless!

4) What will it take for her to admit she's using? Probably a desire to stop. Until then, she'll lie as much as she has to to keep her addiction going. You've said your supporting her financially, or at least helping out- this funds her addiction. She may love you, but understand her addiction comes first. It's not personal- it's just how addicts operate.

5) The answer varies according to how the drug is taken.

6) I don't feel it's my place to answer for you, but I've personally made the decision to stay away from anyone under the influence of hard drugs, especially meth. They are unpredictable and quite frankly, I'm terrified of them (and experience has taught me I'm right to be!)

7) Don't know

8) Yes, you are most definitely funding her drug habit. Whether you should stop or not? Well... you're funding her drug habit...

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I was in your position not too long ago, and I can tell you- you're not going to save her. She'll make the decision to get sober if and when she's ready. DO NOT try to force it!

I know it's hard to accept that we're the ones who need help when our loved ones are the ones using, but you are displaying some classic signs of codependency. Believe me, you don't want to take on the role of the enforcer. Don't start drug testing. Don't start searching. Don't look at her pupils every time she comes in the door. She'll hate you for it. Instead, get yourself help. Go to NarAnon or Coda or CR meetings. Be diligent about your recovery. If you are determined to stick it out with her, expect that she is using until her actions tell you otherwise.

It's such a difficult position, and I really feel for you. But don't let her sickness drag you down with her.

Best wishes.

marbles71

I am not really trying to monitor her consumption as such however I want to know when she is on a high or a low so I can help her accordingly; why engage in certain activities "let's go out, let's do this or that" if she is on a high or low?
My 'monitoring' is more to help her that to judge her... if I was really judging, I would have left by now.

Ann

Marbles, she is incapable of being honest, that's how it is with addiction. Her actions will tell you far more than her words ever will.

If love could save an addict, not one of us would be here. Addiction is just so much bigger than anything we can say or do or not say or not do...we simply have no power over addicts and/or their addiction..none.

Take a good read around, and then perhaps make a new list of questions that will help you...

What will I allow addiction to do to my life?

Where are my boundaries with this?

If/when she steals from me am I willing to report it, as I would if anyone else stole from me? If not, why not?

Why am I drawn to a relationship with someone who is incapable of taking responsibility for her life and all that happens?

I am not judging you, I was where you are for years and years with my own son, I just wanted so much to save him from himself...if only...and in the end I ended up very sick myself and had to let go.

Good luck with all this, it's not going to be an easy road for you no matter which path you take.

Hugs

Seren

Hello marbles, welcome!

I am sorry for what brings you here. It sounds as though you want to know how to plan your time doing things together around those periods when she is not too high or too "jonesing" to do something.

Is it OK with you that your entire life/relationship/time together with your girlfriend is being constructed around her drug use? Is this something you plan on doing for your entire life together?

I'm truly not judging here because addiction runs in my family like a thread that binds the generations. These are just questions you might want to consider for your own happiness. You do deserve to be happy!

Sephra

Hi Marbles,
Just a couple of responses to your post...
2.) Where do they hide it? Any and everywhere. I've had my step daughter hide it up inside herself if you know what I mean. Its gold and they keep it safe, no matter what. I can guarantee if you found it in her purse, she has a new hiding place, probably several.
3.) How long does it take to use. No matter the method, its quick. A quick trip to the bathroom. A " I have to step outside to take this phone call" etc. It is NOT like she is going to disappear for an hour and then you'll know. It unfortunately got to the point with my ss that anytime he is in another room of my home alone, I worry. Especially during bathroom breaks over a couple min., or .."I need to go find something in the garage" etc.
3. Admitting she's using... You've already caught her with the stuff, and deny deny deny... will she ever admit it? What happens if she does? My ss admitted using from the start. At first the family said he was dabbling in it, then realized the problem, but even with him admitting using, it didn't really matter, no one could convince him not to. Everything went to hell anyway. I know that you probably think that if she comes clean about it you can support and help her. You can't help someone who does not want to be helped. Admitting it doesn't always solve the problems. With my ss it got bad enough that he pulled out a pipe and smoked it in front of his MOTHER, cause he'd already admitted it anyway, as she cried and begged him not to. My ss was always an extremely honest kid, but at this stage, he is no longer capable of telling the truth and lies about things that don't matter.
6.) What should you do if you know shes high? You wanna know what I did? Research. I learned everything about meth and its effects that I could. So I would know what I was in for. And it scared the heck out of me. Psychosis, aggression, paranoia etc. Get informed. Another thing that I have learned, is that (for my ss) crisis came quick, Every interaction with him at this point, there is a crisis, someone stole from him, he doesn't have food, he needs money, he's losing his license, he doesn't have a place to sleep, he lost his job, etc etc etc.
In my world it has also gotten to the point, where when people have tried to stop enabling ss by giving him money, he has turned to taking things that don't belong to him and selling them/trading them for drugs. The decision to cut off an addict (financially) is tough, but then to go through and do so, and have them steal from you when you are trying to help them, its bad, really bad.
I don't know about the cost in Australia, but here in the states it's cheap. Really cheap. 20-40 bucks will keep him happy for a couple days easy.

For years now I have watched people trying to "help" this kid, but in all of it, I have not once seen him want help, or want to change his ways. You can't help her if she doesn't admit it, see it as a problem or want to change.
If a person is in active addiction, their and their families lives do not head in a better direction unless they get out of active addiction, but man can things go south really really fast.
sorry that you are dealing with meth. its so so awful.

AnvilheadII

here is something i would like you to think about.....RIGHT NOW you have very little experience with drugs, either in knowledge or from personal use. and this is a GOOD THING, that your life has not been tainted.

you have a GF who has been cold busted with a pipe and baggies and dope in her purse. but instead of recoiling from the DRUG nature of it all, you now want to know all you can ABOUT this drug....how its used, how long it lasts, where you get it, etc etc etc.

why does HER life with drugs have to become YOUR life with drugs?

you didn't even know she WAS using. or that she has been lying to you and leading a double life behind your back. trust me kiddo, when you are carrying the pipe around WITH you, it's a BIG problem. and there isn't one thing you can say or do to pry that glass out of her hands....to be blunt, you have NOTHING equal or better to offer.....not in the mind of a meth addict.

everything will only get worse from here. she's already lost, sad to say.

Sara21

Hi Marbles,

Welcome to the board, but I'm sorry for what you're going through. Meth is a horrible, horrible drug and the farther you can get away from it, the better off you'll be.

My AXH used meth and at first, I didn't know what was going on. I didn't have any prior experience with any type of drugs or addiction so it took me a while to figure out what was going on.

In my case, my XAH would disappear for hours at a time and then when he got home, he would lock himself in the bathroom for a very long time. It was obvious just by looking at him that he was high. He would be awake for long periods of time and then crash and fall asleep for hours. During this time he wouldn't have much of an appetite either. He would become very argumentative and talk for hours, but he wouldn't make a lot of sense.

I also found evidence of his drug use, which he flat out denied. He was very convincing and I found myself doubting what I had just seen with my own eyes. I felt like I was going nuts, which is pretty much what he wanted. If I was questioning myself, the focus would be off him and he was free to do what he wanted.

Someone once told me that for an addict, their drug is like their baby and they will do everything they can to protect it: lie, steal, cheat, etc. Honesty and addiction don't go together (unless the addict is ready to quit). Pay a lot of attention to what she does and not to what she says.

My ex was the kindest, nicest person you'd ever meet. He would take the shirt off his back to help anyone. But when he was high, he didn't care about anything, not even a loved one who was hospitalized and fighting for their life.

Think long and hard about this relationship.........can she really be the partner you deserve? Someone that will be honest with you and treat you with love and respect?

marbles71

Hi Sara21,
I appreciate your words and I am already thinking long and hard... very hard... I do feel addicts are very good manipulators and know well "how to get out of these things".
I know there's a lot of evidence to 'prove' there's something really wrong going on and - being a good and kind person as I am - it feels wrong to make a decision without a (so to speak) smoking gun...
I still don't know where she does it or exactly when, which is what makes me hesitate.
I hope I am not "falling for it" as the comments above are overwhelming

Hechosedrugs

Just be forewarned that you are entering the twilight zone- cost of admission: your mind. Most of us have been there, though we didn't know it at the time. We began to question what was right there in front of us, plain as day. We believed our addicts at all costs- and the costs were exorbitant. And many of ended up eating the costs while our addicts got off scott free (take for example my ex, who racked up $70,000 in debt without me knowing... and that's just the financial cost...)

Please, if you are going to continue this relationship, protect your identity and finances. You won't believe what an addict is capable of.

ladyscribbler

You found drugs and paraphernalia in her purse on at least 3 occasions. What do you consider a "smoking gun?"

My ex could be staggering around, reeking of booze, holding a drink in his hand and would swear to me that he wasn't drunk/drinking. Should I have believed his words, or my 5 senses that told me what was going on?

I had more than my share of "gotcha" moments from snooping and sniffing drinks and breath and listening for how his footsteps sounded when he came in the door and watching for a certain expression in his eyes. All those little telltale signs that he'd been drinking. And all it did was make me crazy. Because for whatever reason it wasn't enough for me to just know what I knew and saw was the truth. I kept waiting for him to admit it, because I was sure the next step would be acknowledging that he had a problem and hopefully getting help.

If I had stuck around I'd still be waiting, wasting my time and energy while he continued his addiction. I wasted 5 years of my life on that, which is about 4 years and 364 days too long. And as soon as I left he found someone to help him continue his addiction, because drinking was his first priority.

nytepassion

Marbles,

I sent you a private message. I think you will find it to be very helpful.

Passion

marbles71

We just broke up for "different reasons" however it is being difficult for me as I do have feelings for her and (rightly or wrongly) I thought I could help her; even today she never accepted she is using it.
I feel my heart is aching and my head is thanking it but such is life I guess.
I appreciate all your help and comments...

zoso77

I don't think there's anything wrong with caring about her. But just because you care about her doesn't mean you should be with her.

Now is a time to reflect, to post-game, if you like. The hardest moments in life are often ones we learn stuff from. Your situation is no different. So wish her well in your heart, and look forward.

needingabreak

Hi Marbles Ive read your thread and am so sorry you are hurting. For some reason drug addicts find those who are caring an always want to help them, fix them, make it better. You can't. Only she can help herself and by her denial it doesn't sound like she is ready. Trust me when I tell you you have dodged a bullet and down the road will be thankful. I know that doesn't help you feel much better right now. Please continue to post and read. Everyone here is very kind and caring. I wish you the very best.