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Old 09-07-2016, 07:31 PM
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OT: Personal News

It's been a very long time since I've done an original post. I guess time flies when you're busy living life.

My family is putting the house we grew up with on the market very soon, in accordance with both the wishes of our late mother and the agreement we had amongst us regarding the timing of its sale. While I could conceivably buy my family out, I've opted not to because the house needs a lot of work to get it up to 2016 standards. After a lot of thinking, I determined that wasn't how I wanted to spend my time, or my money.

Short term, I have signed a year long lease for a loft in the next city over. The loft is approximately 1,330 square feet with 16 foot high ceilings, huge windows, and a lovely view of one of our local waterways immediately below. Hardwood floors, modern kitchen including stainless steel appliances, breakfast bar, and granite countertops, large bedroom and a room with a washer and dryer made this an easy decision. If this goes well, I'll look for a similar place to buy next year. I'm certain that my loft over the next year is going to be a place for parties, good times, and good cheer.

Things with my girlfriend have progressed to the point where we are openly discussing our future. We had a ball this summer. But the times when we've had to have a serious talk, we were able to do so without raising a voice, or accusing the other person of something, or really getting angry with each other. We just communicate really, really well. And I think it's because I had four years between my AXGF and my girlfriend that I've been able to look at myself honestly in terms of my strengths and flaws. None of us bat 1,000. If we can recognize that, and recognize that all relationships have to make room for what British philosopher Peter King has called the "accommodation of difference", chances are those relationships -- whether it's with family, or friends, or significant others or spouses -- will be strong over the long haul.

It's hard to believe that I'm closing in on five years removed from my AXGF. What do I feel? No anger. No sadness. No resentment. Just the understanding she is a sick person, and I was her willing enabler for a year. Big mistakes were made on my part. But it doesn't eat at me anymore. She's a faint blip now, and I am largely indifferent as to her well being and her fate.

Selling the family home brings 56 years of history to an end. My parents loved this house. It's seen its share of good times and heartache. Letting it go is not easy.

Then again, I've dealt with worse. As have all of you.

Hope everyone is well.
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Old 09-07-2016, 07:53 PM
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I hope this will be a great new chapter for you Zoso

D
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Old 09-07-2016, 08:35 PM
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Letting go of the wood, doors & windows but getting to keep the memories - a difficult process but still a blessing. Such a great attitude.
Wishing you the best!
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Old 09-08-2016, 04:45 AM
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Lovely update, Zoso! Wishing you the very best in your new place!
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Old 09-08-2016, 05:45 AM
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Your recovery just shines, Zoso, and I am so happy that life has moved forward in such a wonderful way for you.

I agree with Ms. Pink about the family home...it's the memories we cherish, of the way it was when we grew up. The child in you can go back any time, with your memories and good feelings that house brought you.

I love your updates, from sadness and chaos comes joy and peace...life's gifts are abundant.

Hugs
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Old 09-08-2016, 10:09 AM
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wow, Zoso...you sound really grounded, and happy. I am happy for you.
I too am selling the family home. I bought it from my father some time ago, and now will be putting it on the market. It is difficult, and I can't imagine how I will feel at the closing.
I was raised here, and I raised my kids here. Throw in a couple of grandkids and wow...the memories...
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Old 09-08-2016, 10:25 AM
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Originally Posted by cece1960 View Post
wow, Zoso...you sound really grounded, and happy. I am happy for you.
I too am selling the family home. I bought it from my father some time ago, and now will be putting it on the market. It is difficult, and I can't imagine how I will feel at the closing.
I was raised here, and I raised my kids here. Throw in a couple of grandkids and wow...the memories...
I don't think it's totally hit me yet, CeCe. My makeup is really convoluted in that I'm both a pragmatist (by virtue of my education and my profession) AND very sentimental. For now, my pragmatic side is winning the day, but I'm honest enough with myself to know that when I leave the house for the final time, it's going to be emotional. Everyone in my family and our relatives have their own memories of the house. Fifty six years in one house is a long time. But nothing lasts forever.

The past seven years in that house have been up and down for me for a lot of reasons. One thing I'm thankful for is in the nine months my girlfriend and I have been together, we've made some very tender, precious memories in that house. So I'm leaving it on an up note.

My loft is beautiful. It's bright, it's open, and it's perfect for entertaining. I'm really looking forward to moving in.

Good luck on the sale of your house, CeCe.
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Old 09-08-2016, 01:30 PM
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Zoso you sound so...happy, hopeful and more than anything at peace.
The above posters are correct, while difficult and emotional, you leave behind walls, windows and floors but your memories will stay with you. Your new place sounds amazing and I wish you the very best and utmost happiness making new memories there.
This life is a journey. I look at my time dealing with my son's addiction as learning very valuable lessons, like learning not to be an enabler. I now believe we go through these tough times to help us with our new experiences because we are so much wiser (one hopes).
Thanks for the update. I am really happy for you!
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Old 09-08-2016, 02:18 PM
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Congratulations on new beginnings!
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Old 09-09-2016, 07:06 AM
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I also had an emotional response to selling my mother's home after she died,
but it sounds like you have a lovely new chapter beginning and a great partner to enjoy it with.
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Old 09-10-2016, 01:16 PM
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Zoso, i so value your posts. You have a way with words and are clearly doing well in your recovery so i do respect what you have to say. It sounds like you are simply writing a new chapter. If we look at life as a series of chapters we realize that as new chapters come together the old ones are still there but affect us in different ways.

I am sure that you family home has a lot of nostalgia and its difficult to ignore. I feel that way everytime i drive down the road I grew up on. My mom and lots of my family still live there and its such an awesome place of memories and it was where i first started to be me.

I pray that you love the new place, and I pray that like you my AH will be a less significant part of my life one day. I know that change is difficult but as we like to say Nothing changes if nothing changes. Best of luck in all of your endeavors personal and professional. You have been a source of inspiration to me since i joined SR and am so happy that things are going well for you and yours.
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Old 09-12-2016, 01:54 PM
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I have watched your progress over the years, and it has been a joy!

Here's to a new chapter in your life and many more blessings!
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Old 09-13-2016, 01:07 AM
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Hi Zoso,

I'm so happy to hear that things are going well for you, you totally deserve it!

I'm also very attached to my childhood home. I haven't lived there in over 20+ years, but it's still in the family. The memories and experiences are such a huge part of our lives.

Think of it this way.......soon it will be time for a new family to come in and make their own memories. It's like you're now passing the torch on to someone else. Hopefully they, too, can find a lot of joy and comfort in that home.

Your new home sounds wonderful and if we could, many of us would send you a housewarming gift. You sound excited about this next chapter in your life and I'm glad you have a special lady by your side to share it with.

Over the years you have shown so much kindness to the members of this forum and many of us have gained a lot of insight from your posts. Thank you for continuing to take the time to post and share, it is very much appreciated. I hope that your new home will be a place of peace, joy and comfort for you and your loved ones.

Last edited by Sara21; 09-13-2016 at 01:09 AM. Reason: typo
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Old 09-16-2016, 11:50 PM
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Cheers to new beginnings Zoso!
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Old 09-18-2016, 12:41 PM
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I took pictures of the house we grew up in when it was empty. We moved mom to our town so that it was easier for everyone. I treasure the memories and the emptiness. All a part of life. With her gone 4 months tomorrow - it's all so bittersweet. I'm happy to hear that you are living life again. A wiser more open man. For all the bad that addiction brings, there must be some great stuff that we learn from helping someone. I choose to harness that and become stronger. You have done this also. Best to you and your gf. And moving to your new place. Hugs to you my friend, Joie
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Old 09-18-2016, 03:40 PM
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Zoso...congrats to you and on to your new chapter. Although I'm sure it's so hard to say goodbye, there's something so nice about a fresh new start. Thank you for all your wisdom that you have shared and for the help you have given to me over the last few months since I joined SR. You took a difficult time in your life and turned it into helping others. I wish you lots of happiness in the new place. To new memories!
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Old 09-26-2016, 01:19 PM
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Postscript

So I'm all moved in. The past 5 days have been a bit of a blur between packing, trying to clean the family house, and moving into my new place.

And it's strange.

I worked at my business unit's headquarters today which is only 4 miles from my loft, and then decided to work the rest of the day from my loft. So as I'm typing this, I'm working at my breakfast bar while my television is tuned to Pandora and I'm listening to a jazz guitar station (I'm a hard rock/metal guy and guitarist, but those genres are not exactly conducive for work). In many ways, this is the perfect place for a guy like me, and yet, it's not "home" yet. I'm having a housewarming party on Friday that's doubling as a birthday party for one of my friends, so I'm guessing that'll help make this place feel like home.

For being in the downtown section of this city, it's surprisingly quiet here, save for the sirens here and there.

Hope all is well with all of you.
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Old 09-26-2016, 01:55 PM
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So nice to read this post, after all it is possible to be happy again thank you for sharing

Wishing you all the best
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Old 09-26-2016, 02:06 PM
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Thanks for the update Zoso. Sounds like things are moving forward and going well. I think any new place takes time getting used to. Your setting sounds great with the jazz in the background and working from home. I wish you the very best in your new place and hope the birthday party is very successful and a lot of fun.
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Old 09-26-2016, 02:39 PM
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Zoso, I just moved too so I know the exhaustion that goes with it, but new places are just waiting for us to make new memories.

I too like classical or jazz music in the background when I am working around the house.

Enjoy your new place and all it brings to you. May it be blessed with peaceful serenity and joy unlimited.

Hugs
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