Scattered, worried, anxious... getting closer
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: Delray Beach, Florida
Posts: 215
Scattered, worried, anxious... getting closer
I took possession of my new place on August 1st. I'm in the process of ordering furniture and housewares. Today my kids started school...2nd and kindergarten. New school for my little one.
The boys and I took a vacation last week to see family out of state. They had a great time but all they thought about was their Dad. It breaks my heart to think in a few weeks I will be taking them out of their home into a new one. They are going to resent me. They missed their Dad so much on vacation whereas in the past when we vacationed they never mentioned their father once.
This is going to be hard. I don't know if I'm ready for this. Are my kids going to be ok?
I continue to say it but I'm scared. I'm scared he will fight me for the kids and there is no visitation plan in writing to back it up. He will try very hard to get what he wants and it will be ugly. Please give me guidance on how to handle this.
I've been taking the smallest steps bc I don't know what else to do
My plan is to move by my birthday...9-13.
I'm thinking of having someone present when I tell him about us leaving. A mediator, counselor etc... I can't stand the manipulation and don't think I can do it alone. I'll cave.
I just needed to vent guys...thank you. Just feeling awful today. Thanks for listening
The boys and I took a vacation last week to see family out of state. They had a great time but all they thought about was their Dad. It breaks my heart to think in a few weeks I will be taking them out of their home into a new one. They are going to resent me. They missed their Dad so much on vacation whereas in the past when we vacationed they never mentioned their father once.
This is going to be hard. I don't know if I'm ready for this. Are my kids going to be ok?
I continue to say it but I'm scared. I'm scared he will fight me for the kids and there is no visitation plan in writing to back it up. He will try very hard to get what he wants and it will be ugly. Please give me guidance on how to handle this.
I've been taking the smallest steps bc I don't know what else to do
My plan is to move by my birthday...9-13.
I'm thinking of having someone present when I tell him about us leaving. A mediator, counselor etc... I can't stand the manipulation and don't think I can do it alone. I'll cave.
I just needed to vent guys...thank you. Just feeling awful today. Thanks for listening
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
You are very wise to have someone there when you tell him and I would move quickly after that, again with someone to be with you. Leaving is a very dangerous time, please keep yourself and your kids safe.
Your boys probably sense something is up and they may be scared, if just at the change ahead. At some point please talk to them and let them know this is not their fault and that they are loved.
My prayers go out for you, this is an emotional and scary time but one day soon you will find peace in your life and be glad you did it.
Hugs
Your boys probably sense something is up and they may be scared, if just at the change ahead. At some point please talk to them and let them know this is not their fault and that they are loved.
My prayers go out for you, this is an emotional and scary time but one day soon you will find peace in your life and be glad you did it.
Hugs
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
kids adapt! try not to DISASATERFY quite so much....sure, any change is going to be different and require adjustment, but always remember you aren't leaving because you don't like the wallpaper.............having someone with you, either a friend, a cop or an advocate is very wise.
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
Sweetie, I am so sorry. I can feel your anxiety, and I know that is a miserable place to be. What has an attorney said about visitation? If there is no plan in place, what is keeping him from showing up and taking custody of his children. Thing is, you cannot kidnap your own children if there is no custody order. I would get that into place, immediately.
The chances are very very low you can just keep your children from him. The best thing to do is speak to an attorney who can advise you on how the judges in your area handle issues like this, if a GAL will be appointed, etc. Go for supervised visitation if possible, which will enable your children to visit their father in a controlled situation, while keeping them safe.
Tight hugs friend. No one on this forum can or should tell you what to do. You have to make these decisions for yourself, but be smart about it. Keep your kids protected, that has to be your #1 priority.
Tight hugs.
The chances are very very low you can just keep your children from him. The best thing to do is speak to an attorney who can advise you on how the judges in your area handle issues like this, if a GAL will be appointed, etc. Go for supervised visitation if possible, which will enable your children to visit their father in a controlled situation, while keeping them safe.
Tight hugs friend. No one on this forum can or should tell you what to do. You have to make these decisions for yourself, but be smart about it. Keep your kids protected, that has to be your #1 priority.
Tight hugs.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: Delray Beach, Florida
Posts: 215
Originally Posted by AnvilheadII 
kids adapt! try not to DISASATERFY quite so much....sure, any change is going to be different and require adjustment, but always remember you aren't leaving because you don't like the wallpaper.............having someone with you, either a friend, a cop or an advocate is very wise.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: Delray Beach, Florida
Posts: 215
Originally Posted by hopeful4
Sweetie, I am so sorry. I can feel your anxiety, and I know that is a miserable place to be. What has an attorney said about visitation? If there is no plan in place, what is keeping him from showing up and taking custody of his children. Thing is, you cannot kidnap your own children if there is no custody order. I would get that into place, immediately.
The chances are very very low you can just keep your children from him. The best thing to do is speak to an attorney who can advise you on how the judges in your area handle issues like this, if a GAL will be appointed, etc. Go for supervised visitation if possible, which will enable your children to visit their father in a controlled situation, while keeping them safe.
Tight hugs friend. No one on this forum can or should tell you what to do. You have to make these decisions for yourself, but be smart about it. Keep your kids protected, that has to be your #1 priority.
Tight hugs.
The chances are very very low you can just keep your children from him. The best thing to do is speak to an attorney who can advise you on how the judges in your area handle issues like this, if a GAL will be appointed, etc. Go for supervised visitation if possible, which will enable your children to visit their father in a controlled situation, while keeping them safe.
Tight hugs friend. No one on this forum can or should tell you what to do. You have to make these decisions for yourself, but be smart about it. Keep your kids protected, that has to be your #1 priority.
Tight hugs.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2016
Posts: 293
Here for you! It's hard, I know. But you will be happier in the long run. Keep your eye on the prize...peace for you and your boys! During my separation I got my AH to agree to supervised visits until a clean drug test. Well it's months later and he has yet to submit to a drug test. Attorney says after the divorce we can request the same. I'm requesting hair follicle (not urine since is easy to fudge). Not surprisingly though my AH has shaved all of his body hair. Attorney says we can request nail test if he doesn't have any hair which goes back about 6 months as well. Keep us posted on your journey.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: East Coast
Posts: 1,235
I read this today and thought of you...
The Women in My Family Had to Be Good With Money ? Narratively
To steal directly from the story, you have strength, resourcefulness, and gumption. You go mama!
The Women in My Family Had to Be Good With Money ? Narratively
To steal directly from the story, you have strength, resourcefulness, and gumption. You go mama!
Curmudgeon, Electrical Engineer, Guitar God Wannabe
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Where the mighty arms of Atlas hold the heavens from the Earth
Posts: 3,403
I'm thinking of having someone present when I tell him about us leaving. A mediator, counselor etc... I can't stand the manipulation and don't think I can do it alone. I'll cave.
Stay steady.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: Delray Beach, Florida
Posts: 215
Originally Posted by PuzzledHeart
I read this today and thought of you...
The Women in My Family Had to Be Good With Money ? Narratively
To steal directly from the story, you have strength, resourcefulness, and gumption. You go mama!
The Women in My Family Had to Be Good With Money ? Narratively
To steal directly from the story, you have strength, resourcefulness, and gumption. You go mama!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2016
Posts: 91
Sweet prayers for you and yours, Mama. Your're doing the right thing and and time will prove it to you. The children will understand the wisdom of your actions someday if not today so may patience be yours. Hugs galore!
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