Add in the violence
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: NORTHFIELD
Posts: 188
Add in the violence
One of my worst fears with stepson has come to pass. He was such a sweet loving kid growing up. I know meth can make people aggressive, psychotic, paranoid, I know violence is such a short step away.
He hurt someone pretty bad the other night. He believes they were stealing from his sister. Maybe they were, maybe they weren't. It doesn't really matter in the end I guess. Broken ribs, stitches, etc. All over facebook, and now people are looking for him. He doesn't seem worried. He's a "junior" (same name as dad) and has our address listed as his even though he hasn't lived here for months. I'm afraid people will show up here for retribution. We live in a small town. I have a fear problem to begin with and have an extremely hard time feeling safe regardless. The main reason I have not wanted him around. This does not help. I'm scared for him. I'm scared for us.
How do you deal when a previously non-violent person falls to this?
He hurt someone pretty bad the other night. He believes they were stealing from his sister. Maybe they were, maybe they weren't. It doesn't really matter in the end I guess. Broken ribs, stitches, etc. All over facebook, and now people are looking for him. He doesn't seem worried. He's a "junior" (same name as dad) and has our address listed as his even though he hasn't lived here for months. I'm afraid people will show up here for retribution. We live in a small town. I have a fear problem to begin with and have an extremely hard time feeling safe regardless. The main reason I have not wanted him around. This does not help. I'm scared for him. I'm scared for us.
How do you deal when a previously non-violent person falls to this?
Guest
Join Date: Jun 2015
Posts: 379
Sephra,
I honestly don't know if there is "a" way to deal with this but I certainly know what you are going through. Last summer, my meth addicted B (brother who is like a son to me) was off the wall psychotic. He was provoking people at home and at meetings. At one point he was in the kitchen getting into his caretaker's personal space and was standing near the knives at the counter. She was scared for her life but as an ABA trained specialist, and a very skilled one, she was able to de-escalate the situation. Scared to no end that he was really going to hurt himself or someone else, intervention was critically necessary. I helped, along with my sister and the caretaker, avoid a tragedy from happening but I know that my actions were not approved of on this forum, by and large. That's how I dealt with it, anyway. It was the right thing to do in order to protect people.
I would call upon every possible resource as you can for assistance. That's what I did last summer so I could live with myself if, god forbid, anything tragic happened. That way I could say to myself that I tried everything I possibly could. We had B's attorney try to convince him to get checked into rehab; I emailed his probation officers; I kept up to date records on his psycho-social condition; I faxed records to his medical team; I faxed letters to his insurance company in an effort to get inpatient care covered (they had kept refusing for months while he was in and out of psych hospitals 4-5 times); I called Senator Cory Booker's office for assistance with the insurance issues; I contacted the Hospital Complaint hotline to complain about the release of him before he was stabilized enough for release; I went to NJ to "be there" with family to be the "go between" my B and father who was away down the shore while this was all happening; I fedexed his full records to the drug court judge; etc. etc. etc.
Would I do this again if he goes off the deep end like this again? No, probably not. If he hasn't learned from last summer, then I am afraid he never will. I honestly have very little hope left.
I would protect your home first and foremost. After experiencing the aggression of my B firsthand, I decided that for my safety and the safety of those around us, I would never drive him in my car anywhere again unless he has been off drugs for a long time and I am certain he is clean and safe to be around. The same would go for inviting him to my home.
Prayers being sent your way.
I honestly don't know if there is "a" way to deal with this but I certainly know what you are going through. Last summer, my meth addicted B (brother who is like a son to me) was off the wall psychotic. He was provoking people at home and at meetings. At one point he was in the kitchen getting into his caretaker's personal space and was standing near the knives at the counter. She was scared for her life but as an ABA trained specialist, and a very skilled one, she was able to de-escalate the situation. Scared to no end that he was really going to hurt himself or someone else, intervention was critically necessary. I helped, along with my sister and the caretaker, avoid a tragedy from happening but I know that my actions were not approved of on this forum, by and large. That's how I dealt with it, anyway. It was the right thing to do in order to protect people.
I would call upon every possible resource as you can for assistance. That's what I did last summer so I could live with myself if, god forbid, anything tragic happened. That way I could say to myself that I tried everything I possibly could. We had B's attorney try to convince him to get checked into rehab; I emailed his probation officers; I kept up to date records on his psycho-social condition; I faxed records to his medical team; I faxed letters to his insurance company in an effort to get inpatient care covered (they had kept refusing for months while he was in and out of psych hospitals 4-5 times); I called Senator Cory Booker's office for assistance with the insurance issues; I contacted the Hospital Complaint hotline to complain about the release of him before he was stabilized enough for release; I went to NJ to "be there" with family to be the "go between" my B and father who was away down the shore while this was all happening; I fedexed his full records to the drug court judge; etc. etc. etc.
Would I do this again if he goes off the deep end like this again? No, probably not. If he hasn't learned from last summer, then I am afraid he never will. I honestly have very little hope left.
I would protect your home first and foremost. After experiencing the aggression of my B firsthand, I decided that for my safety and the safety of those around us, I would never drive him in my car anywhere again unless he has been off drugs for a long time and I am certain he is clean and safe to be around. The same would go for inviting him to my home.
Prayers being sent your way.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
Sephra.....I agree that to initiate as many safety safeguards as possible is the first line of defense......
There are websites that can fill you in on as to all the ways to do this...ways that you probably nave never thought of.....
I read that the house is in your name and that y ou are the main breadwinner.....
So, you could look at it as an investment in your property........
some of the obvious things are....
judicious use of lighting.....like sensor flood light around the o utside of the house.....
Locks on windows and doors....
burgular alarms...there are some good ones, these days....
a barking type dog....terriers are the best for this...lol....
installation of cameras....
I see the fact that you and your husband are not on the same page as a major issue......
In fact, in my post to you on the 18th of July....It was predicted that the situation was likely to worsen if something was not done.....
the fact that he (your husband) is not ameanable to any kind of help for this family issue is not a good sign.....
You seem unwilling to have any kind of separation....temporary, or otherwise...leaves you pretty much stuck in a corner......
It looks like things have evolved into a nightmarish crisis point......
It always goes back to...."If nothing changes...nothing changes.....".
It looks like you are the one who is coming in third in this triangle.....
Your husbands wishes and your stepson's behaviors seem to be driving the situation...
There comes a point when you have to think of yourself first....because, nobody else is going to!! (remember what your therapist said?......
This is a tough situation.....but, no use to put your head in the sand and hope that it is going to get better on it's own......
So sorry.......
dandylion
There are websites that can fill you in on as to all the ways to do this...ways that you probably nave never thought of.....
I read that the house is in your name and that y ou are the main breadwinner.....
So, you could look at it as an investment in your property........
some of the obvious things are....
judicious use of lighting.....like sensor flood light around the o utside of the house.....
Locks on windows and doors....
burgular alarms...there are some good ones, these days....
a barking type dog....terriers are the best for this...lol....
installation of cameras....
I see the fact that you and your husband are not on the same page as a major issue......
In fact, in my post to you on the 18th of July....It was predicted that the situation was likely to worsen if something was not done.....
the fact that he (your husband) is not ameanable to any kind of help for this family issue is not a good sign.....
You seem unwilling to have any kind of separation....temporary, or otherwise...leaves you pretty much stuck in a corner......
It looks like things have evolved into a nightmarish crisis point......
It always goes back to...."If nothing changes...nothing changes.....".
It looks like you are the one who is coming in third in this triangle.....
Your husbands wishes and your stepson's behaviors seem to be driving the situation...
There comes a point when you have to think of yourself first....because, nobody else is going to!! (remember what your therapist said?......
This is a tough situation.....but, no use to put your head in the sand and hope that it is going to get better on it's own......
So sorry.......
dandylion
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Years ago, just before he disappeared, my son messed with the wrong people, the motorcycle gang organized crime killer kinda people, and I knew that one way for them to get to him was to get to me.
We moved (we were moving anyway) and I stay off all social media. If you google my real name you won't find me anywhere. I also have made sure my residence was secure, safe and I am always aware of who is around me or anyone who calls for any reason including telemarketers.
It's sad that it comes to this, we didn't do anything wrong and yet we have to protect our physical safety and live with an awareness that she should not need to fear.
Protect yourself however you can. Take his state of mind very seriously and the threat of retribution as well. If you instincts say you are in danger, you are, trust that.
Hugs
We moved (we were moving anyway) and I stay off all social media. If you google my real name you won't find me anywhere. I also have made sure my residence was secure, safe and I am always aware of who is around me or anyone who calls for any reason including telemarketers.
It's sad that it comes to this, we didn't do anything wrong and yet we have to protect our physical safety and live with an awareness that she should not need to fear.
Protect yourself however you can. Take his state of mind very seriously and the threat of retribution as well. If you instincts say you are in danger, you are, trust that.
Hugs
Guest
Join Date: Jun 2015
Posts: 379
"Protect yourself however you can. Take his state of mind very seriously and the threat of retribution as well."
Agreed.
I know it was very hard for our father to grasp how very real the danger was with B, as he didn't witness his behavior firsthand, so there was an element of him not taking my sister and me seriously. I also went down there not believing for a moment that my B would ever hurt me (not in a million years could I imagine him doing so), but I was in for a rude awakening when I spent time with him and he got scarily aggressive with me. Your husband needs to understand what grave danger a meth head poses to anyone and everyone around. Do whatever you can to convince him that this extremely serious and is for real, no joke.
Agreed.
I know it was very hard for our father to grasp how very real the danger was with B, as he didn't witness his behavior firsthand, so there was an element of him not taking my sister and me seriously. I also went down there not believing for a moment that my B would ever hurt me (not in a million years could I imagine him doing so), but I was in for a rude awakening when I spent time with him and he got scarily aggressive with me. Your husband needs to understand what grave danger a meth head poses to anyone and everyone around. Do whatever you can to convince him that this extremely serious and is for real, no joke.
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