Tension thick enough to drown in
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 5,103
Sadly it really is no different dealing with the enabler or the addict. I have to agree with your past therapist, you do need to get “selfish” for your own survival.
Offering to leave your own home for a night so an addict can stay comfortably– falls into that people pleasing role where the only thing that grows is resentment.
BE SELFISH and find a new therapist or go back to your old one.
When an addict says they are not interested in stopping - believe them. When an enabler says they are not interested in stopping - believe them.
Offering to leave your own home for a night so an addict can stay comfortably– falls into that people pleasing role where the only thing that grows is resentment.
BE SELFISH and find a new therapist or go back to your old one.
When an addict says they are not interested in stopping - believe them. When an enabler says they are not interested in stopping - believe them.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Manitoba, Canada
Posts: 168
Originally Posted by Sephra 
husband goes back and forth, logically he knows his son is an addict. For a loooong time, it was "he's just dabbling". When he happens to catch him on a day that he is not totally out of it, he jumps to "the problem is solved." When we talk about it, not under pressure, he can admit that his son is addicted.
I've tried really really hard, since getting with husband over a decade ago to respect his relationship with his children and let him raise them. I have one bio son and know that I would not want someone telling me how to raise him.
The problem comes in, that this affects me too much now to be able to do that.
I feel like I have been the bad guy (in this situation) no matter what. I hate conflict in general. My default mode seems to be doormat. I am angry that after all this time, (youngest child in family just turned 18) that "an Adult" at 25 has a good chance of ruining my relationship of over a decade. I am really worried that if I put my foot down, I will be left. I could survive it, but just thinking it , breaks my heart.
I've tried really really hard, since getting with husband over a decade ago to respect his relationship with his children and let him raise them. I have one bio son and know that I would not want someone telling me how to raise him.
The problem comes in, that this affects me too much now to be able to do that.
I feel like I have been the bad guy (in this situation) no matter what. I hate conflict in general. My default mode seems to be doormat. I am angry that after all this time, (youngest child in family just turned 18) that "an Adult" at 25 has a good chance of ruining my relationship of over a decade. I am really worried that if I put my foot down, I will be left. I could survive it, but just thinking it , breaks my heart.
I have no experience with relationships I can offer, much less a marriage. I wish you the best.
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