hopepraylove

I heard through the grapevine that my ex moved back to our small town. I haven't seen him in over a year now, I know he's not sober, really hoping that I won't bump into him or see him at all.

Any advice on how you handled/avoided your exes if you lived in a small area? What did you do if you bumped into one another?

Thanks in advance.

dandylion

Helpful hints.....stay off of facebook.
Tell your best friends that you don't want to hear "reports" or gossip.
You know his habits.....so don't go where you know, for sure, that he is going to go.....
Change churches if you know where he goes.
Don't go to his local grocery stores, gas stations, etc. Don't go at the times he is l ikely to go.....
for example...if he goes to the grocery right after work hours....you go on Sat. morning before 9 a.m......
etc.
Change around your old, usual traveling streets and routes....
Pretend that you are in the victim witness program...lol...

do you, secretly, want to see him, again...?

dandylion

another trick....Get in the habit of wearing dark sunglasses...those ones with the mirror finish...so you can always pretend that you didn't see him...and, he can't tell!

oldsoul112249

If I was in your situation I wouldn't change a thing. Why should you alter your lifestyle because he's on your "turf" or live in fear? Go on about your usual life and if you run into him a short hello should be enough and walk away. Don't engage in a conversation or get sucked into anything. In other words ignore him. Don't give him any power. Treat toxic people with benign neglect.

hopeful4

If you know he has a specific hangout I would avoid that. Other than that, I would not change anything. I absolutely hate seeing my X, but I have to all the time (we share children), so I talk myself through the anxiety it causes me. I hate that I have to do that, but in all it has made me a stronger person.

I also second telling your friends/family you don't want to hear about him.

hopepraylove

Dandylion,

Thank you for the response.

This seems like a lot of "changing my schedule" to not bump into him. I've already walked on egg shells and tiptoed around him enough, I don't want to change my life entirely to avoid him. Any thoughts on that?

Absolutely do not wish to see him, whatsoever. Luckily, I'm moving 15 minutes away next week, so hopefully that's a big enough wedge between the two towns.

hopepraylove

Thank you, I appreciate your feedback and agree. I don't intend to change my schedule to avoid him. I'd actually prefer to not even say "hello" though. I think if I saw him, I'd just continue walking as if he didn't exist. Strange how someone so important to you in the past is someone you'd avoid eventually.

hopepraylove

I'll avoid some of the local bars I think. Fortunately, because he's an addict too, a lot of the places he'd frequent are quite seedy. I wouldn't be there regardless. Thank you for your response.

dandylion

HopPrayLove.....Perhaps I misunderstood your how much/or not.....you mind running to him.
When you said that you were "hoping that you would not bump into him or see him at all"---I took your words literally.....thinking that you did not ever want to see him on ANY occasion. So, I tailored my response to wipe out all possibility of that.
I now see that you weren't that adverse to seeing him. Just that it wasn't a preference...?
Recently, there was a person who ran into her ex in traffic and she was so upset that she had a ptsd type reaction and was upset even a day later...she felt actually sick......
I guess that I assumed that you might have a reason such as that for not wanting to "see him at all". for some people, running into their ex can be very triggering for them......

I retract my suggestions.....

dandylion