Bekindalways

Yes!!!

alcoholics wife

Schopenhauer was himself a man who used sex to an excess. He believed it was human nature to be guided by irrationality whether it would be addiction to something (substances, behaviour) or someone (codependency). For Schopenhauer he believed that to be able to minimize our addictions, we need to detach from that type of lifestyle and instead immerse ourselves with a different type of lifestyle. Eg. If you are addicted to sex, then practice complete abstinence. In doing so, you will live a happier existence.

Same goes for our codependency. We know that it is irrational to live with an addicted spouse who keeps hurting us. Therefore we must do what is rational which is detachment. In doing so, we free ourselves from the negative and destructive force. Therefore we become happier. But also after doing so, we would have a greater appreciation for the good side because we have already lived through hell.

alcoholics wife

I think insight to ourselves and our environment gives us enlightenment. With enlightenment comes steps towards rational thinking.
We cannot gain insight if we don't take the time to allow for this eg. Educate ourselves, work a program (like Al-anon), spend time to get to know YoU etc.

I think we live in a society and time that immersing so much time and attention to yourself feels unnatural. We live in a time and place where the norm is to work 8-10 hour days, take care of the finances, mortgage, the kids and the dog. An imaginary check-list of things to do that needs to be fixed or crossed off our list of duties are constantly hanging over our heads like a dark cloud. We do have a lot of responsibilities that we feel helpless and out of control if we can't manage the people and things around us. Well sometimes we need to take a step back and spend time on ourselves. Monks are viewed to be wise. They spend most of their days not surrounded by the superficial aspects of this world. They spend a lot of time with their thoughts, with themselves and knowing who they are and thus the insights of what is important. Giving the preciousness of life to focus your attention and energy on others and not yourself is a waste of life. Of course getting to this state is easier said than done because we need to bypass our human emotions of guilt and fear that drives us to stay codependent.

alterity

For the responsible among us, this rings true. On the other hand, however, I observe many, many, many people deeply immersed in selfish pursuits who expect others to take care of them.

alcoholics wife

We must not mistake superficial selfishness with a deeper knowledge, respect and love for our true selves, our souls. What does our souls need to be happy? I gaurentee its not material things, power, money, immediate gratifications.

alterity

oops.... mistakenly posted something... but removed it.

lol

Freedom1990

My sponsor told me many years ago that we live in a dysfunctional society. I didn't understand at the time but surely do now.

alcoholics wife

I believe we do live in a dysfunctional society. Getting in touch with our individual pure souls is so important to get a sense of grounded-ness and what is truly important aside from all the chaos surrounding us (capitalism, self-indulgences, societal expectations, etc).

WeakGirl

For me, this is an important idea in breaking my co-dependent behaviors. Self-searching questions that have been important for me:

A.) Can the love of my addicted loved one actually fulfill my spirit? Can anyone's love? B.) Or is it more important to know that I am doing no harm?

Unfortunately, at the moment, I can't have both A & B. Going along with my brother's behavior was a self-indulgence because I got to enjoy the idea of a perfect family, even if he was slowly dying.

thequest

Addiction should not be equated with cancer. That doesn't mean effort and support shouldn't be given to someone who really wants to change their ways. One tends to 'catch' a disease while an addict tends to 'manufacture' their addiction over time. Also a chemical does not tell someone how to act like a criminal. It might make crossing the line from law abiding to criminal easier but it does not place an addict on wrong side of the law, they do that themselves.

Again doesn't mean someone shouldn't support another who really wants to change their ways.

alterity

No equivalence, only comparison, was made. No one "catches" cancer [that is an antiquated way of thinking about cancer] unless you are referring to those types that are related to oncogenic virii such as Epstein Barr Virus, cytomegalovirus, and hpv, &c. And even those don't end up causing cancer unless the autoimmune environment is conducive to its development. People wreak havoc on their immune systems by unhealthy living. Many, many, many people with cancer don't really want to "change their ways" when it comes to diet and taking care of themselves, in fact would rather die from it than be cured. I know someone who died from a completely curable colon cancer who did not change her ways in terms of diet and left behind two young children.

Not sure why addiction is equated with criminality.... I was an addict for many years and the only "crime" I committed was drug possession.

alterity

Here is a really neat tutorial on the basics: https://www.cancertutor.com/what_causes_cancer/