what should I do
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2016
Posts: 2
what should I do
My gf is an Egyptian and she lives in Egypt, We have known each other for 8 years, she was so nice person in the first few years, but after 2012 she changed so much, because I am not in Egypt, we are long time separated, so it makes it much easier for her to lie to me before, and i chose to trust her and helped her whenever she had troubles, finally I felt something must be wrong. And she confessed to me that she was drug addicted, I sent her some money for rehab, she took the money and just disappeared, I was so angry and didn't talk to her for 10 months.
In last month, she sent me a very long email, she confessed to me so many lies and mistakes she made before, and she said she wants to find herself back. I was so moved by her attitude and we kept talking for a month, but recent two weeks her mood is again going so down and kept complaining that she needs money to pay some debt, she said she owns a drug dealer some money and has to pay her, otherwise she would be in big trouble. That feeling of this could be another circle as before come up to my mind. I managed to find the way to contact her sister, but her sister does not understand english.
I don't know what to do now, she needs money immediately in recent 3 days to pay the first installment she agreed with the drug dealer, and today she even told me if I can not help, she can only seek help from the guy who propose to her family.
I don't know if I should trust her this time or not. She sounds desperate, she said she want to clear the troubles first so she can find herself back.
Does anyone who speaks Arabic can help me translate some questions to Arabic, I need to first make things clear by confirming some things with her sister.
In last month, she sent me a very long email, she confessed to me so many lies and mistakes she made before, and she said she wants to find herself back. I was so moved by her attitude and we kept talking for a month, but recent two weeks her mood is again going so down and kept complaining that she needs money to pay some debt, she said she owns a drug dealer some money and has to pay her, otherwise she would be in big trouble. That feeling of this could be another circle as before come up to my mind. I managed to find the way to contact her sister, but her sister does not understand english.
I don't know what to do now, she needs money immediately in recent 3 days to pay the first installment she agreed with the drug dealer, and today she even told me if I can not help, she can only seek help from the guy who propose to her family.
I don't know if I should trust her this time or not. She sounds desperate, she said she want to clear the troubles first so she can find herself back.
Does anyone who speaks Arabic can help me translate some questions to Arabic, I need to first make things clear by confirming some things with her sister.
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Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: Northwest
Posts: 4,215
Do not send her money. You're being blackmailed by someone you haven't even talked to for ten months before she suddenly became all contrite...and then suddenly she's asking for money. Surprise.
You seem like a very kind person. Please find someone who appreciates that instead of taking advantage of it?
You seem like a very kind person. Please find someone who appreciates that instead of taking advantage of it?
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Posts: 468
NotASavior - She sounds desperate because she is. She has to reach a level of disparity, though, that will cause her to look forward only toward sobriety, and not back. We all love or have loved addicts/alcoholics. We have all been scammed out of money and promised that "this is the last time." That is the nature of addiction. I am so sorry you are going through this. But she is reaching out to you because she knows deep down you might "help" and give her money. This is not the help she needs.
Make your own choices, but I would advise that you cut ties for now and let her find her way.
Make your own choices, but I would advise that you cut ties for now and let her find her way.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2016
Posts: 2
she used "this is last time" trick many times before, I don't buy that now. This time it seems a bit different, I asked her some questions she would not resist the questions so much as before, though still she is sensitive and would say I don't trust her. I will take all your words into consideration, thanks all, really appreciate all the replies.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 5,103
That feeling of this could be another circle as before come up to my mind.
Do no provide her more money so she can put more poison into her body with the drugs.
Drug addicts lie, they manipulate people and use your feelings to get what they want - money for more drugs - period.
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
she doesn't sound like a GIRLFRIEND at all...in English its called being a MOOCH. someone who uses others to get or do things for them. please do not send her anymore money. i'd consider cutting off contact.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: Australia
Posts: 109
Please please don't send her money. It's not good for you and it's not actually helping her either. She needs to feel the consequences of her addiction so she has a chance to stop. If you keep rescuing her, you're actually hindering her recovery, not helping her. I hope you can stay strong for her sake, and yours. All the best
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: USA
Posts: 574
I wish I could count how many drug dealers I paid off for exABF.
What was really happening was .... after setting things up, like "I owe a dealer and they have my company car, if I don't pay them by 11pm, they are keeping my car" - - OR - - "I owe 200 to a dealer, if I don't pay him, he is going to my daughters house and threatening them until I show up" ... etc.
being the dutiful rescuing codependent that I was, I fell for it every time.
I would watch him pay someone, but it was actually for his DOC, not the car or debt. He would pocket his DOC secretly and then come back to the car saying how sick he was and needed something from someone ... and would proceed to another dealer to do that. Afterwards, he would disappear with his TWO scores for a day or two, refreshed and happy with himself. What a sickening cycle.
Watch thru the eyes of the people who have gone thru this before you - we learned the hard way. She is using you, and maybe several others around the world. I agree with the above .... find someone who appreciates you for whom you are - face to face
Cut all ties with this girl.
Hugs
Joie
What was really happening was .... after setting things up, like "I owe a dealer and they have my company car, if I don't pay them by 11pm, they are keeping my car" - - OR - - "I owe 200 to a dealer, if I don't pay him, he is going to my daughters house and threatening them until I show up" ... etc.
being the dutiful rescuing codependent that I was, I fell for it every time.
I would watch him pay someone, but it was actually for his DOC, not the car or debt. He would pocket his DOC secretly and then come back to the car saying how sick he was and needed something from someone ... and would proceed to another dealer to do that. Afterwards, he would disappear with his TWO scores for a day or two, refreshed and happy with himself. What a sickening cycle.
Watch thru the eyes of the people who have gone thru this before you - we learned the hard way. She is using you, and maybe several others around the world. I agree with the above .... find someone who appreciates you for whom you are - face to face
Cut all ties with this girl.Hugs
Joie
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