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How long sober before seeing child

Old 07-07-2016, 02:32 PM
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How long sober before seeing child

My husband has been in and out of rehab/recovery for over a year and continues to relapse. I'm in the process of separation and wondering if anyone knows a recommended timeframe for him to see our 4 yo daughter? My therapist says 30-90 days sober. Right now he's not in any treatment not even meetings. TIA
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Old 07-07-2016, 02:39 PM
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I would lean towards the 90 days end of that. Free of substances isn't the same as sober. The longer time period, the more emotionally stable and less likely to say or do anything harmful, in my opinion. Maybe before that if it were supervised.
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Old 07-07-2016, 02:43 PM
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Originally Posted by lggirl View Post
My husband has been in and out of rehab/recovery for over a year and continues to relapse. I'm in the process of separation and wondering if anyone knows a recommended timeframe for him to see our 4 yo daughter? My therapist says 30-90 days sober. Right now he's not in any treatment not even meetings. TIA
Hi...I'm in a similar boat and am currently separated from my husband and we have two small children. I am currently living with my parents and he stayed in the house. I was advised by a lawyer to only allow him supervised visitation until he can submit to a clean hair follicle test. To date he is not agreed to go take the test, so he has been seeing the children over at my parents house while I or my parents are here. Once I decide to proceed with the divorce I am going to request the same thing from the judge and my lawyer seems to think that would not be a problem. My lawyer is very adamant though that I need to allow him to see the children...supervised of course. She states "withholding" them from him would not look good in front of the judge. Have you consulted a lawyer yet or are you not even looking to go in that direction yet?
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Old 07-07-2016, 06:10 PM
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I did start the legal separation process but the lawyer is fighting for full custody also meaning I get to decide if I want drug testing and when he can visit. Visits would definitely be supervised. I'm trying to figure out more from a psychological stand point what's best for my daughter. He's been gone most of the past year and she only asks for him once in a while. Thanks for responding!
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Old 07-07-2016, 06:34 PM
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Originally Posted by lggirl View Post
I did start the legal separation process but the lawyer is fighting for full custody also meaning I get to decide if I want drug testing and when he can visit. Visits would definitely be supervised. I'm trying to figure out more from a psychological stand point what's best for my daughter. He's been gone most of the past year and she only asks for him once in a while. Thanks for responding!
I go back and forth with that as well. My daughter is 3 and my son is 4 months. My daughter asks for him occasionally but doesn't seem to dwell on the idea of him for long. I would love for him to be present in their lives, but not if its going to be inconsistently and under the influence of anything, obviously. We are mama bears and of course only want the VERY best for our children. It's such a tough spot to be put in. I've read full custody can be hard to get so I'm preparing myself for joint. However, it won't be without drug testing. You said he's been gone for most of the past year, so maybe he won't even show up or fight for custody for that matter.
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Old 07-08-2016, 04:17 PM
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We are in NY and my lawyer said it should go through since he's been in and out of rehab and currently refusing treatment. Best of Luck! I wish things were different for all of us!
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