The First Day of The Rest of My Life.....
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Join Date: May 2016
Location: My Hive
Posts: 81
The First Day of The Rest of My Life.....
I finally officially filed for divorce.
That single event has unearthed in me an unknown deeper level of hurt and longing. Today is supposed to be the "first day of the rest of my life". And yet my mind is fixated on the past. I thought I was progressively getting past this stage of grief, but here I'm stuck into it thick.
My mind endlessly plays a movie reel of my husband, our relationship, decisions I could of or should of made. I keep asking myself, Did I do this to us????
My husband is an everything addict. Alcohol, pills, meth, but his favorite is crack. After constant drinking, pill popping, meth use, staying out all night, anger problems, lies, and a whole host of other things I kicked him out.
After I kicked him out he got worse. Much worse. I never told him anything that he needed to do to come back home. I simply stated that his drinking, drug use and staying out all night wouldn't be tolerated. Should I have said if you do A B & C you can come home? Would it had made a difference?
I think about all the things he said he wanted with me. All of the plans we made. I see the life we were supposed to have, the life we could of had. I mourn that life. It was real to me. It breathed and existed, even if only in my mind and heart.
Here I sit alone, in pain, obsessed about a man who just can't..........
He gets the easy way out. A numb mind. A numb heart. While I feel each and every breath I take because it hurts so bad. The tears in my eyes sting my soul. Does he even have a soul?
My marriage meant something to me. It mattered. He mattered. Does a rock and a pipe really have more value then a living, breathing, feeling person?
Was I really just a faceless enabler to him? Easily replaceable? Any woman will do? The thought of him with another woman makes me ill. I can't just replace him. I loved him and still do. Shouldn't he value that? Isn't that valuable? Isn't love valuable?
Thursday I was a woman moving forward, Friday I filed for divorce and Saturday I feel like I emotionally back slid.
Everywhere I go I think of him. Each moment I experience, I think of him. Every car that drives by I look to see if it is him.. Every couple I see I think "that should be us".
Is obsession my new form of denial?
The addict doesn't have to feel or care or love. They get to numb out, move on and let go. It's not fair.. Why can't life be fair.
When I was a little girl reading stories at night before bed EVERY one ended with telling me "And they lived happily ever after".
I wanted my happily ever after
That single event has unearthed in me an unknown deeper level of hurt and longing. Today is supposed to be the "first day of the rest of my life". And yet my mind is fixated on the past. I thought I was progressively getting past this stage of grief, but here I'm stuck into it thick.
My mind endlessly plays a movie reel of my husband, our relationship, decisions I could of or should of made. I keep asking myself, Did I do this to us????
My husband is an everything addict. Alcohol, pills, meth, but his favorite is crack. After constant drinking, pill popping, meth use, staying out all night, anger problems, lies, and a whole host of other things I kicked him out.
After I kicked him out he got worse. Much worse. I never told him anything that he needed to do to come back home. I simply stated that his drinking, drug use and staying out all night wouldn't be tolerated. Should I have said if you do A B & C you can come home? Would it had made a difference?
I think about all the things he said he wanted with me. All of the plans we made. I see the life we were supposed to have, the life we could of had. I mourn that life. It was real to me. It breathed and existed, even if only in my mind and heart.
Here I sit alone, in pain, obsessed about a man who just can't..........
He gets the easy way out. A numb mind. A numb heart. While I feel each and every breath I take because it hurts so bad. The tears in my eyes sting my soul. Does he even have a soul?
My marriage meant something to me. It mattered. He mattered. Does a rock and a pipe really have more value then a living, breathing, feeling person?
Was I really just a faceless enabler to him? Easily replaceable? Any woman will do? The thought of him with another woman makes me ill. I can't just replace him. I loved him and still do. Shouldn't he value that? Isn't that valuable? Isn't love valuable?
Thursday I was a woman moving forward, Friday I filed for divorce and Saturday I feel like I emotionally back slid.
Everywhere I go I think of him. Each moment I experience, I think of him. Every car that drives by I look to see if it is him.. Every couple I see I think "that should be us".
Is obsession my new form of denial?
The addict doesn't have to feel or care or love. They get to numb out, move on and let go. It's not fair.. Why can't life be fair.
When I was a little girl reading stories at night before bed EVERY one ended with telling me "And they lived happily ever after".
I wanted my happily ever after
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Western US
Posts: 8,982
Originally Posted by Queenbee7 
I finally officially filed for divorce.
That single event has unearthed in me an unknown deeper level of hurt and longing. Today is supposed to be the "first day of the rest of my life". And yet my mind is fixated on the past. I thought I was progressively getting past this stage of grief, but here I'm stuck into it thick.
My mind endlessly plays a movie reel of my husband, our relationship, decisions I could of or should of made. I keep asking myself, Did I do this to us????
My husband is an everything addict. Alcohol, pills, meth, but his favorite is crack. After constant drinking, pill popping, meth use, staying out all night, anger problems, lies, and a whole host of other things I kicked him out.
After I kicked him out he got worse. Much worse. I never told him anything that he needed to do to come back home. I simply stated that his drinking, drug use and staying out all night wouldn't be tolerated. Should I have said if you do A B & C you can come home? Would it had made a difference?
I think about all the things he said he wanted with me. All of the plans we made. I see the life we were supposed to have, the life we could of had. I mourn that life. It was real to me. It breathed and existed, even if only in my mind and heart.
Here I sit alone, in pain, obsessed about a man who just can't..........
He gets the easy way out. A numb mind. A numb heart. While I feel each and every breath I take because it hurts so bad. The tears in my eyes sting my soul. Does he even have a soul?
My marriage meant something to me. It mattered. He mattered. Does a rock and a pipe really have more value then a living, breathing, feeling person?
Was I really just a faceless enabler to him? Easily replaceable? Any woman will do? The thought of him with another woman makes me ill. I can't just replace him. I loved him and still do. Shouldn't he value that? Isn't that valuable? Isn't love valuable?
Thursday I was a woman moving forward, Friday I filed for divorce and Saturday I feel like I emotionally back slid.
Everywhere I go I think of him. Each moment I experience, I think of him. Every car that drives by I look to see if it is him.. Every couple I see I think "that should be us".
Is obsession my new form of denial?
The addict doesn't have to feel or care or love. They get to numb out, move on and let go. It's not fair.. Why can't life be fair.
When I was a little girl reading stories at night before bed EVERY one ended with telling me "And they lived happily ever after".
I wanted my happily ever after
That single event has unearthed in me an unknown deeper level of hurt and longing. Today is supposed to be the "first day of the rest of my life". And yet my mind is fixated on the past. I thought I was progressively getting past this stage of grief, but here I'm stuck into it thick.
My mind endlessly plays a movie reel of my husband, our relationship, decisions I could of or should of made. I keep asking myself, Did I do this to us????
My husband is an everything addict. Alcohol, pills, meth, but his favorite is crack. After constant drinking, pill popping, meth use, staying out all night, anger problems, lies, and a whole host of other things I kicked him out.
After I kicked him out he got worse. Much worse. I never told him anything that he needed to do to come back home. I simply stated that his drinking, drug use and staying out all night wouldn't be tolerated. Should I have said if you do A B & C you can come home? Would it had made a difference?
I think about all the things he said he wanted with me. All of the plans we made. I see the life we were supposed to have, the life we could of had. I mourn that life. It was real to me. It breathed and existed, even if only in my mind and heart.
Here I sit alone, in pain, obsessed about a man who just can't..........
He gets the easy way out. A numb mind. A numb heart. While I feel each and every breath I take because it hurts so bad. The tears in my eyes sting my soul. Does he even have a soul?
My marriage meant something to me. It mattered. He mattered. Does a rock and a pipe really have more value then a living, breathing, feeling person?
Was I really just a faceless enabler to him? Easily replaceable? Any woman will do? The thought of him with another woman makes me ill. I can't just replace him. I loved him and still do. Shouldn't he value that? Isn't that valuable? Isn't love valuable?
Thursday I was a woman moving forward, Friday I filed for divorce and Saturday I feel like I emotionally back slid.
Everywhere I go I think of him. Each moment I experience, I think of him. Every car that drives by I look to see if it is him.. Every couple I see I think "that should be us".
Is obsession my new form of denial?
The addict doesn't have to feel or care or love. They get to numb out, move on and let go. It's not fair.. Why can't life be fair.
When I was a little girl reading stories at night before bed EVERY one ended with telling me "And they lived happily ever after".
I wanted my happily ever after
Please take care of yourself and keep posting. It will be some time before you are okay. Unfortunately the healing takes time.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Nothing you did or didn't do, nothing you said or didn't say would have made one lick of difference. An addict hell bent on using drugs is way beyond our reach. If love could save our addicted loved ones, not one of us would be here.
The pain of accepting the loss of a relationship hurts and requires some grief time, but it doesn't hurt near as much as staying in a toxic relationship that includes active addiction. Work through your grief but try not to stay in the darkness too long at any one visit, it serves no useful purpose and can keep you stuck in the "what if's" and "if only's" that begin to gnaw at your serenity.
I promise, cross my codie heart, that one day you will get your "happy ever after", it just wasn't now and this relationship. What you have learned from all this will become a strangely wrapped gift that will bring you clarity and wisdom in days to come.
Sending hugs because you sound like you could use some.
The pain of accepting the loss of a relationship hurts and requires some grief time, but it doesn't hurt near as much as staying in a toxic relationship that includes active addiction. Work through your grief but try not to stay in the darkness too long at any one visit, it serves no useful purpose and can keep you stuck in the "what if's" and "if only's" that begin to gnaw at your serenity.
I promise, cross my codie heart, that one day you will get your "happy ever after", it just wasn't now and this relationship. What you have learned from all this will become a strangely wrapped gift that will bring you clarity and wisdom in days to come.
Sending hugs because you sound like you could use some.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
Should I have said if you do A B & C you can come home? Would it had made a difference?
nope. it's not your call, hon. as ann said, there is NOTHING you could have done or said, or thought or conjured, that would have made one whit of difference. he's deep in addiction.
which really isn't the easy way......crack ain't no picnic. it's brutal, tortuous, and nothing but lies. but the pull.........damn.........i know that pull. the insanity.....the voices. and for so long it "seems" the only thing that will make it all stop is to use again.
addicts are not to be envied.
you just crossed the threshold of a major life milestone. and that doesn't come without a price of admission. it's ok to mourn what could have been, should have been, might have been. but also to recognize that it was Not any of those things.....only in hopes and dreams.
real life is not a fairy tale and it isn't all neatly wrapped up by page 23. it's messy and grimy, but also glorious.....there is always a new day, as long as we breathe. new opportunities, new chances, new experiences.
nope. it's not your call, hon. as ann said, there is NOTHING you could have done or said, or thought or conjured, that would have made one whit of difference. he's deep in addiction.
which really isn't the easy way......crack ain't no picnic. it's brutal, tortuous, and nothing but lies. but the pull.........damn.........i know that pull. the insanity.....the voices. and for so long it "seems" the only thing that will make it all stop is to use again.
addicts are not to be envied.
you just crossed the threshold of a major life milestone. and that doesn't come without a price of admission. it's ok to mourn what could have been, should have been, might have been. but also to recognize that it was Not any of those things.....only in hopes and dreams.
real life is not a fairy tale and it isn't all neatly wrapped up by page 23. it's messy and grimy, but also glorious.....there is always a new day, as long as we breathe. new opportunities, new chances, new experiences.
Blue Belt
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Soberville, USA
Posts: 4,174
Addiction is a monster.
You did the right thing.
You know that until he decides to quit, his addiction is going to override all efforts you cold have made to help him.
Move forward. Move on.
There will always be a light on for your husband. I can see that in your post.
You are not alone.
You did the right thing.
You know that until he decides to quit, his addiction is going to override all efforts you cold have made to help him.
Move forward. Move on.
There will always be a light on for your husband. I can see that in your post.
You are not alone.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Posts: 635
Queenbee,
I'm so sorry for what you're going through. So much of this is familiar to me. I think for me it was more about losing who I thought I was than losing him. I THOUGHT I was the love of his life, the woman he would do anything for. I'd gotten so used to giving ultamatums and having him "obey" (for a while) that I was completely blindsided when I threatened divorce and was met with an "okay". Okay? That's not how this game is played! I tell you what I want and you do it!
I didn't know who I was anymore. Every now and then I'd have moments of strength and clarity, but he was always able to knock me right back down into misery. I dwelt on our past constantly- I didn't know how I'd go on!
But now...
And I can only speak for right now, because I know he probably does still have some power over me (though he may not... it's been a few months now of not missing him one bit!)...
I am so excited for my new life! I am so excited to find a new man and to have the relationship I deserved all along. I know I won't fall into the same traps again- I've learned so much. I know this experience has made me a better woman, and a better mother, and I'm so grateful for it.
This Monday, I'll be celebrating MY independence day. Won't you celebrate yours, too?
I'm so sorry for what you're going through. So much of this is familiar to me. I think for me it was more about losing who I thought I was than losing him. I THOUGHT I was the love of his life, the woman he would do anything for. I'd gotten so used to giving ultamatums and having him "obey" (for a while) that I was completely blindsided when I threatened divorce and was met with an "okay". Okay? That's not how this game is played! I tell you what I want and you do it!
I didn't know who I was anymore. Every now and then I'd have moments of strength and clarity, but he was always able to knock me right back down into misery. I dwelt on our past constantly- I didn't know how I'd go on!
But now...
And I can only speak for right now, because I know he probably does still have some power over me (though he may not... it's been a few months now of not missing him one bit!)...
I am so excited for my new life! I am so excited to find a new man and to have the relationship I deserved all along. I know I won't fall into the same traps again- I've learned so much. I know this experience has made me a better woman, and a better mother, and I'm so grateful for it.
This Monday, I'll be celebrating MY independence day. Won't you celebrate yours, too?
Member
Join Date: Apr 2016
Posts: 293
Just wanted to send you hugs as I can hear how painful this is for you. You made a huge step to a new and healthy life for yourself. You pulled the trigger. I am in limbo and want to pull that trigger too, but I am scared of how he will react. You are a strong person! Allow yourself the time to grieve your loss and to go through all of the emotions you are feeling. Then pick yourself up, dry off your tears and move on to your new life. Just think of the newfound freedom you will have that will be full of honesty and sanity. No more second guessing what he's telling you...no more chaos. Here's to your future...you made a great decision! Hugs!!!!
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Today I feel much better. I guess I needed a day or so to process such a major life event. Especially because I'm divorcing not because of falling out of love with him, but I love myself too and that self-love and my children's safety and happiness comes first. And the fact is that will always come before putting a person in active addiction first. They don't need us to put them first because they are already doing it for themselves.
Like I said before it's not the real relationship I'm mourning. It's the hoped-for-version that is hard to let go of.
Like I said before it's not the real relationship I'm mourning. It's the hoped-for-version that is hard to let go of.
Last edited by Queenbee7; 07-05-2016 at 10:31 AM. Reason: Typo
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Originally Posted by Hechosedrugs
Queenbee,
I think for me it was more about losing who I thought I was than losing him. I THOUGHT I was the love of his life, the woman he would do anything for.
I dwelt on our past constantly-
I am so excited for my new life! I am so excited to find a new man and to have the relationship I deserved all along.
I know this experience has made me a better woman, and a better mother, and I'm so grateful for it.
I think for me it was more about losing who I thought I was than losing him. I THOUGHT I was the love of his life, the woman he would do anything for.
I dwelt on our past constantly-
I am so excited for my new life! I am so excited to find a new man and to have the relationship I deserved all along.
I know this experience has made me a better woman, and a better mother, and I'm so grateful for it.
This is what I need to learn how to stop doing, CONSTANTLY thinking about him, him, HIM! I hate it big time....
I'm happy for you that you are at a good place.. I'm on that same path just a few miles behind. lol
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Join Date: May 2016
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Originally Posted by Sunshine1234
No more second guessing what he's telling you...no more chaos.
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Manitoba, Canada
Posts: 168
Props to you for kicking him out. Doing what's right is never easy, but you did it. Don't forget to pat yourself on the back everyone once in awhile for that,
I've been on both sides of the wall - I have an addicted LO, and I'm a recovering addict. It's easy to assume that the using addict doesn't experience pain (I've been through it and yet still I'd look at my LO and mistakenly think she had it so easy), but the main reason that addicts come into recovery is because the pain has become unbearable. When I was the active addict, I remember looking at everyone thinking they had it easy, and not seeing the damage I was causing.
I just want to emphasize how much respect I have for you for doing what's right for you and your children. You've got this.
I've been on both sides of the wall - I have an addicted LO, and I'm a recovering addict. It's easy to assume that the using addict doesn't experience pain (I've been through it and yet still I'd look at my LO and mistakenly think she had it so easy), but the main reason that addicts come into recovery is because the pain has become unbearable. When I was the active addict, I remember looking at everyone thinking they had it easy, and not seeing the damage I was causing.
I just want to emphasize how much respect I have for you for doing what's right for you and your children. You've got this.
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
This is a very healthy statement. Hugs.
Originally Posted by Queenbee7
Today I feel much better. I guess I needed a day or so to process such a major life event. Especially because I'm divorcing not because of falling out of love with him, but I love myself too and that self-love and my children's safety and happiness comes first. And the fact is that will always come before putting a person in active addiction first. They don't need us to put them first because they are already doing it for themselves.
Like I said before it's not the real relationship I'm mourning. It's the hoped-for-version that is hard to let go of.
Like I said before it's not the real relationship I'm mourning. It's the hoped-for-version that is hard to let go of.
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Originally Posted by PlasticInsanity
Props to you for kicking him out. Doing what's right is never easy, but you did it. Don't forget to pat yourself on the back everyone once in awhile for that,
I've been on both sides of the wall - I have an addicted LO, and I'm a recovering addict. It's easy to assume that the using addict doesn't experience pain (I've been through it and yet still I'd look at my LO and mistakenly think she had it so easy), but the main reason that addicts come into recovery is because the pain has become unbearable. When I was the active addict, I remember looking at everyone thinking they had it easy, and not seeing the damage I was causing.
I just want to emphasize how much respect I have for you for doing what's right for you and your children. You've got this.
I've been on both sides of the wall - I have an addicted LO, and I'm a recovering addict. It's easy to assume that the using addict doesn't experience pain (I've been through it and yet still I'd look at my LO and mistakenly think she had it so easy), but the main reason that addicts come into recovery is because the pain has become unbearable. When I was the active addict, I remember looking at everyone thinking they had it easy, and not seeing the damage I was causing.
I just want to emphasize how much respect I have for you for doing what's right for you and your children. You've got this.
Thank you!
And thanks for your personal insight
Curmudgeon, Electrical Engineer, Guitar God Wannabe
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Where the mighty arms of Atlas hold the heavens from the Earth
Posts: 3,403
When I was a little girl reading stories at night before bed EVERY one ended with telling me "And they lived happily ever after".
I wanted my happily ever after
I wanted my happily ever after
Granted, it won't be the form of what you expected when you married him. But the truth is none of us never really know what's around the bend. The best we can do is make the best decisions we can in the here and now such that we have a chance to be healthier and, with luck and God's grace, happier in the long term.
By filing for divorce, you've taken a step towards reestablishing your balance. But the hours, days, and weeks to come are going to be difficult for you, Queenbee. There will be moments when you think you're fine, and then out of nowhere the enormity of your decision will hit you like a ton of bricks.
And that's normal. You're going to grieve, and you're going to experience a lot of pain and a lot of second guessing. It's part of the process that, unfortunately, you're going to have to go through. Some days, it's going to be difficult to have hope or to be optimistic. But it's also true that if you had decided to stay with him, you'd be guaranteed more of the same sh!t you've been coping with for too long already.
As a personal aside...with respect to love and the idea of happily ever after...a year ago this time I had ruled that out for me. I was dealing with the death of my mother, and that loss opened up a lot of wounds, both old and recent. And I went through a period of wondering if there was something wrong with me and believing that I was damaged goods.
I'm happy to say I was wrong about both of those things. I've been with a wonderful woman for the past 7 months, and we're very much in love. We're both hardened enough to know that a lot of things can happen, but a constant in our relationship is our ability to honestly communicate...even when it's uncomfortable. But that's how you build trust with each other. So if I can get to this place when I didn't think it was possible, why can't you down the road?
Keep that in the back of your mind somewhere.
In the meantime, do your best to just get through the day. Post here when necessary. Reach out to friends. Keep yourself healthy physically. And plow through this as best you can.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
transparency and honesty
ya know, even those two positive elements aren't always enough to propel a relationship forward. there is no magic combination, no alignment of compatabilities.....people grow and change....some more than others.......and even if we do everything "right" THIS TIME, there are NO guarantees of an Ever After, much less a Happy one.
here is an interesting insightful article about long-term relationships and their "secrets" - spoiler alert - Humor and Respect are the top two.
https://www.bostonglobe.com/metro/20...hfL/story.html
ya know, even those two positive elements aren't always enough to propel a relationship forward. there is no magic combination, no alignment of compatabilities.....people grow and change....some more than others.......and even if we do everything "right" THIS TIME, there are NO guarantees of an Ever After, much less a Happy one.
here is an interesting insightful article about long-term relationships and their "secrets" - spoiler alert - Humor and Respect are the top two.
https://www.bostonglobe.com/metro/20...hfL/story.html
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2016
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Posts: 81
Originally Posted by AnvilheadII
transparency and honesty
ya know, even those two positive elements aren't always enough to propel a relationship forward. there is no magic combination, no alignment of compatabilities.....people grow and change....some more than others.......and even if we do everything "right" THIS TIME, there are NO guarantees of an Ever After, much less a Happy one.
here is an interesting insightful article about long-term relationships and their "secrets" - spoiler alert - Humor and Respect are the top two.
https://www.bostonglobe.com/metro/20...hfL/story.html
ya know, even those two positive elements aren't always enough to propel a relationship forward. there is no magic combination, no alignment of compatabilities.....people grow and change....some more than others.......and even if we do everything "right" THIS TIME, there are NO guarantees of an Ever After, much less a Happy one.
here is an interesting insightful article about long-term relationships and their "secrets" - spoiler alert - Humor and Respect are the top two.
https://www.bostonglobe.com/metro/20...hfL/story.html
Its not that i feel honesty and transparency are the one secret to a happy healthy relationship. It's more i feel the lies upon lies, deceit, deflection, hiding nature of the addict is abusive and obviously helps to destroy any real relationship.
So next time i want to be with the type of person who has nothing to hide so to speak......
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Originally Posted by zoso77
And who says you won't get that "happily ever after"?
But it's also true that if you had decided to stay with him, you'd be guaranteed more of the same sh!t you've been coping with for too long already.
I've been with a wonderful woman for the past 7 months, and we're very much in love. We're both hardened enough to know that a lot of things can happen, but a constant in our relationship is our ability to honestly communicate...even when it's uncomfortable. But that's how you build trust with each other. So if I can get to this place when I didn't think it was possible, why can't you down the road?
Keep that in the back of your mind somewhere.
.
But it's also true that if you had decided to stay with him, you'd be guaranteed more of the same sh!t you've been coping with for too long already.
I've been with a wonderful woman for the past 7 months, and we're very much in love. We're both hardened enough to know that a lot of things can happen, but a constant in our relationship is our ability to honestly communicate...even when it's uncomfortable. But that's how you build trust with each other. So if I can get to this place when I didn't think it was possible, why can't you down the road?
Keep that in the back of your mind somewhere.
.
I'm glad you found love and happiness......thank you for sharing that with me
Yes i look forward to my happy ending, i know its out there for me!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Posts: 635
Also, not to toot my own horn or anything, but my goodness, I seem to be irresistible to men lately! It goes against all common sense- I mean, of course I'm nowhere near as attractive as I was 7 years ago, before I met my husband. I have wrinkles and my hair isn't as voluminous and I have this c-section scar and stretch marks- so how in the world is it that I am getting more attention now than before? I think it must have something to do with karma, I really do. I was a good wife to him, and he walked all over me and spit in my face. So now the universe is offering me my pick. And you better believe I'll be choosing carefully this time around!
But this didn't happen right away- oh, man, was it lonely. Just to say- wait it out. Good things are coming!
But this didn't happen right away- oh, man, was it lonely. Just to say- wait it out. Good things are coming!
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Posts: 81
Originally Posted by Hechosedrugs
Also, not to toot my own horn or anything, but my goodness, I seem to be irresistible to men lately! It goes against all common sense- I mean, of course I'm nowhere near as attractive as I was 7 years ago, before I met my husband. I have wrinkles and my hair isn't as voluminous and I have this c-section scar and stretch marks- so how in the world is it that I am getting more attention now than before? I think it must have something to do with karma, I really do. I was a good wife to him, and he walked all over me and spit in my face. So now the universe is offering me my pick. And you better believe I'll be choosing carefully this time around!
But this didn't happen right away- oh, man, was it lonely. Just to say- wait it out. Good things are coming!
But this didn't happen right away- oh, man, was it lonely. Just to say- wait it out. Good things are coming!
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