Adzee

Co dependency any advice ?

I'm a heroin addict who recently had my first lapse in over 3 years I'm in a new relationship with someone who has been a co dependant in other relationships and my recent lapse and behaviour ( lies ,blame etc ) has really affected her as she promised she wouldn't get involved with another addict. This is new to me and any help and advice or experiences with co dependency would really help me understand what it is like and to help me......thanks...

biminiblue

The best thing you can do is focus on yourself and getting help to stay clean.

Sounds like the two of you both need to do some thinking. What caused your relapse?

Adzee

I only used once, it was offered free and caught me out as I was weaker than I thought even after 3 years but I'm also worried for my current girlfriend as its hurt her so much .

biminiblue

I hope the two of you can work through this, but she's going to have to work on her addiction (which is to be the "helper/fixer") and you'll have to work on yours.

Complete transparency on your part (open phone, open facebook, being available when you say you will be, honesty, etc.) is your side of the street. Learning to trust without giving too much is her side of the street.

I wish you luck. It's going to take time. It will take as long as it takes, and she's going to be (rightfully) angry for a while. She's afraid. You can understand that, right?

AnvilheadII

at this moment, your priority must be shoring up your own recovery. if at three years you wobbled so easily, then your sober support program has holes. and that HAS to be addressed, or all else is for naught.

it shows great compassion that you ask about her situation. if its early days, it might be best to take a step back.....it could be that getting involved with someone took your focus off your prime directive. as it is, she now has some decision making of her own to do.