Almost a year later.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Los Angeles
Posts: 408
Almost a year later.
It's been almost a year since I left my ex boyfriend. As many of you know, he was an opiate addict over the last 10+ years. The experience has changed me, I know I will never be the same, but ultimately I am grateful for the experience because it has shown me what I will never settle for/put myself through again.
I am now in a very healthy, loving, respectful relationship with someone I was introduced to via my boss. Let's call him JB.
Because of my experience, countless al anon meetings and getting my codependency in check, my relationship with JB is simply easy. There are no explosions, no serious fights, no chaos, no unpredictability. I go home to him and I know he will be sober (he is not an addict or alcoholic,) I know he will not disappear in the middle of the night, I know I don't need to check his phone, or look in his wallet for absurd amounts of cash, I know I don't need to keep an eye on my purse, or worry about him going out with friends. I don't lose sleep when he comes home late from work, I don't have a sick/anxious/overwhelming pit in my stomach and think "something is off." Most importantly, I am respected. I can talk to him about anything without fear of mood swings, verbal abuse, physical abuse. He is tender, he never speaks to me harshly, we have a healthy balance of work, friends, family and one another. He makes me feel safe.
I remember after finally leaving my ex, I thought I would never be happy again. That I was, in a sense, broken. My self love was low, "if he really loved me, he would get sober, etc. etc." I thought I would not love someone again, I expected the worst from anyone I met, I doubted anyone had sincere good intentions, I thought relationships were supposed to be difficult and painful.
For anyone on this forum who feels this way, or is scared to leave. I just want to say it was the best thing I ever did for myself. I am at peace and my happiness is untouchable. Just wanted to check in incase someone needed to hear this.
I am now in a very healthy, loving, respectful relationship with someone I was introduced to via my boss. Let's call him JB.
Because of my experience, countless al anon meetings and getting my codependency in check, my relationship with JB is simply easy. There are no explosions, no serious fights, no chaos, no unpredictability. I go home to him and I know he will be sober (he is not an addict or alcoholic,) I know he will not disappear in the middle of the night, I know I don't need to check his phone, or look in his wallet for absurd amounts of cash, I know I don't need to keep an eye on my purse, or worry about him going out with friends. I don't lose sleep when he comes home late from work, I don't have a sick/anxious/overwhelming pit in my stomach and think "something is off." Most importantly, I am respected. I can talk to him about anything without fear of mood swings, verbal abuse, physical abuse. He is tender, he never speaks to me harshly, we have a healthy balance of work, friends, family and one another. He makes me feel safe.
I remember after finally leaving my ex, I thought I would never be happy again. That I was, in a sense, broken. My self love was low, "if he really loved me, he would get sober, etc. etc." I thought I would not love someone again, I expected the worst from anyone I met, I doubted anyone had sincere good intentions, I thought relationships were supposed to be difficult and painful.
For anyone on this forum who feels this way, or is scared to leave. I just want to say it was the best thing I ever did for myself. I am at peace and my happiness is untouchable. Just wanted to check in incase someone needed to hear this.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Posts: 468
HPL - Happy for you! I love hearing about positive endings, whatever they may look like.
I am married to AH and its really back and forth right now. I don't know what our future looks like, feeling like I can't take much more, etc... I think ahead and think of the "what ifs"... What if we don't work out, and I go back to the single life. I doubt a lot that I would be able to trust anyone again as far as a romantic relationship goes. I feel like I would question every little thing (internally) for quite a while. I feel like this wall I've built would go with me into any future relationship.
Did you feel like that?
I am married to AH and its really back and forth right now. I don't know what our future looks like, feeling like I can't take much more, etc... I think ahead and think of the "what ifs"... What if we don't work out, and I go back to the single life. I doubt a lot that I would be able to trust anyone again as far as a romantic relationship goes. I feel like I would question every little thing (internally) for quite a while. I feel like this wall I've built would go with me into any future relationship.
Did you feel like that?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Los Angeles
Posts: 408
Originally Posted by hope778 
I feel like I would question every little thing (internally) for quite a while. I feel like this wall I've built would go with me into any future relationship.
Did you feel like that?
Did you feel like that?
Initially, of course. I spoke with my Alanon sponsor and told him, things can't be like this forever, he is polite and funny, he is just so nice." My sponsor told me, "(you) keep waiting for the other shoe to drop and it doesn't always do that." When I was first introduced to JB 8 months ago, it was far too soon out of my last relationship to consider dating. I remember thinking "that's the kind of man I want to be with." He followed up with me a few months later and took me to lunch. We've been together since, but it has recently gotten more serious.
For me, being with my ex was so much of a habit. I was used to the routine, familiar with the chaos. I couldn't see myself existing really without it. But now, in hindsight, I realize I was JUST existing at the time--now I am living.
Do you attend Alanon/Naranon? That is really what gave me the strength to cut the cord and go NC ultimately.
Big hugs.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
I am happy for you. You took time to heal and find your balance before getting into this relationship and I think that is an important factor.
Thank you for sharing your story. You are a beacon of light to those who think life will never be happy agsin.
Hugs
Thank you for sharing your story. You are a beacon of light to those who think life will never be happy agsin.
Hugs
Member
Join Date: Apr 2016
Posts: 293
Originally Posted by hope778
HPL - Happy for you! I love hearing about positive endings, whatever they may look like.
I am married to AH and its really back and forth right now. I don't know what our future looks like, feeling like I can't take much more, etc... I think ahead and think of the "what ifs"... What if we don't work out, and I go back to the single life. I doubt a lot that I would be able to trust anyone again as far as a romantic relationship goes. I feel like I would question every little thing (internally) for quite a while. I feel like this wall I've built would go with me into any future relationship.
Did you feel like that?
I am married to AH and its really back and forth right now. I don't know what our future looks like, feeling like I can't take much more, etc... I think ahead and think of the "what ifs"... What if we don't work out, and I go back to the single life. I doubt a lot that I would be able to trust anyone again as far as a romantic relationship goes. I feel like I would question every little thing (internally) for quite a while. I feel like this wall I've built would go with me into any future relationship.
Did you feel like that?
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