my son and an infection
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inpatient?????
Originally Posted by hopeful4 
Suboxone is widely abused. I am sure you know that.
You are not crazy, although I am sure it feels that way sometimes. What Mountainman said above is the truth. Even though you want it to be a different way, it is not. You have a right to a drug free home, but you have to be willing to take a deep breath and let him suffer his own consequences to do so.
Many, many hugs to you. I say this all gently b/c I realize it's all easier said than done.
Curious, why do you say he is afraid of inpatient to hurt you? I doubt that. Inpatient is hard work, and no drugs. I would say he is afraid of that.
You are not crazy, although I am sure it feels that way sometimes. What Mountainman said above is the truth. Even though you want it to be a different way, it is not. You have a right to a drug free home, but you have to be willing to take a deep breath and let him suffer his own consequences to do so.
Many, many hugs to you. I say this all gently b/c I realize it's all easier said than done.
Curious, why do you say he is afraid of inpatient to hurt you? I doubt that. Inpatient is hard work, and no drugs. I would say he is afraid of that.
He has never been in recovery or rehab/ he has had a counselor on and off but no one that specializes in addiction
Last edited by again2016; 06-22-2016 at 03:01 AM. Reason: too early typing this am cant see and wasnt making sense
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Originally Posted by again2016
Well needles found by sibling, with a razor blade and blood in a bathroom I hate this diease and what now this is someone who hates eye drops I cant believe this is where it is I am sick and you were right Marcus
It isn't about being right or wrong here. I was providing my experience and others were correct in pointing out to proceed with caution and try not to project too much or jump to conclusions. You truly will drive yourself crazy. I know that is close to an impossible task early on especially for one of your kids (I have kids myself). Of course we want to control the situation.
It sounds like it is out in the open now. Hopefully he will decide to go to rehab. I told myself for a long long time I could beat this thing on my own. I have the willpower to do it. Unfortunately I had to learn a lot of lessons firsthand versus taking someone else's word for it. No one was going to convince me otherwise. I had to convince myself of that fact and a lot of consequences had to come my way before I was finally ready to wave the white flag and surrender.
I wish I could give you a handbook or step by step instructions on how to handle this. I can say from my experience he is going to do what he wants to do. If he truly is not done yet he will continue to use (Rehab or no rehab). Hopefully he is ready. Take care.
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I am seeing this from an outside perspective. He is scared. He does not want to give the drugs up.
You have to make some decisions about what you can control, which is what goes on in your own home.
Tight hugs.
You have to make some decisions about what you can control, which is what goes on in your own home.
Tight hugs.
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Originally Posted by Marcus
Sorry you are going through this. Reminds me of how crazy things were and must have been for my wife, parents, family, and friends. I remember when my wife found that first needle. After years of finding pills this was a whole new ballgame unfortunately. Eventually discoveries like that became pretty routine.
It isn't about being right or wrong here. I was providing my experience and others were correct in pointing out to proceed with caution and try not to project too much or jump to conclusions. You truly will drive yourself crazy. I know that is close to an impossible task early on especially for one of your kids (I have kids myself). Of course we want to control the situation.
It sounds like it is out in the open now. Hopefully he will decide to go to rehab. I told myself for a long long time I could beat this thing on my own. I have the willpower to do it. Unfortunately I had to learn a lot of lessons firsthand versus taking someone else's word for it. No one was going to convince me otherwise. I had to convince myself of that fact and a lot of consequences had to come my way before I was finally ready to wave the white flag and surrender.
I wish I could give you a handbook or step by step instructions on how to handle this. I can say from my experience he is going to do what he wants to do. If he truly is not done yet he will continue to use (Rehab or no rehab). Hopefully he is ready. Take care.
It isn't about being right or wrong here. I was providing my experience and others were correct in pointing out to proceed with caution and try not to project too much or jump to conclusions. You truly will drive yourself crazy. I know that is close to an impossible task early on especially for one of your kids (I have kids myself). Of course we want to control the situation.
It sounds like it is out in the open now. Hopefully he will decide to go to rehab. I told myself for a long long time I could beat this thing on my own. I have the willpower to do it. Unfortunately I had to learn a lot of lessons firsthand versus taking someone else's word for it. No one was going to convince me otherwise. I had to convince myself of that fact and a lot of consequences had to come my way before I was finally ready to wave the white flag and surrender.
I wish I could give you a handbook or step by step instructions on how to handle this. I can say from my experience he is going to do what he wants to do. If he truly is not done yet he will continue to use (Rehab or no rehab). Hopefully he is ready. Take care.
marcus thanks so much I didn't take but that way... he went today and I pray hes ready
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he went today agreed for help says he knows he needs help not sure what it means but he is safe for the moment I should have thick skin by now but it hurts a lot I know im not in control and he cant be here any more im tired of being the drug police I hope I can say that here but im exhausted and I know hes got a way uphill battle but he is strong and I pray that's all ive got at this point some narrow faith now x2 thanks for all the kind words this site helps me always that I do know suboxone for weeks which does not show on drug test!!!! I didn't know but if it can help anyone please know while my guy tried to do it himself he was still on something and I didn't know. I hate this disease my heart is stone cold today....I have to get to a meeting.
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Agreed to do rehab today said I know I need help It was a start, I know it is just a holding tank but he needed something and he choose it... I spoke to an intervention specialist and he really helped me not to fight and be open and talk about simple direct things, not go backwards point fingers etc It helped a great deal to have some non family support from someone that does it for a living...........
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went to rehab today
Originally Posted by again2016
Agreed to do rehab today said I know I need help It was a start, I know it is just a holding tank but he needed something and he choose it... I spoke to an intervention specialist and he really helped me not to fight and be open and talk about simple direct things, not go backwards point fingers etc It helped a great deal to have some non family support from someone that does it for a living...........
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Originally Posted by hopeful4
I am glad he chose rehab. Take this time to focus on yourself for a while, you sound worn out!
Many hugs!
Many hugs!
Thanks for that ! Im glad he did as well. I know its just a step but at least its a step
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I'm so sorry again. I know what this is like and have been in your shoes many times. So often I've held off on consequences or compromised my boundaries for the sake of his job or other things. Usually, it has come to naught in the end. My AS kept the job and tried to keep up an illusion of not using while he was with me or wanted my help. however, eventually the job goes.....everything deteriorates, at least for my AS, and then I've invested all that hope, help, etc for nothing, except to be glad he had money in the bank. If your son is working, can he afford to live somewhere on his own or with a friend, or rent a room if he doesn't want to stop using? I know the best would be detox or at least some sort of rehab or outpatient., but they have to want it more than we do. My AS went to methadone so he could work, but he still kept using throughout. NO easy answers here. How old is your younger child? How old is your AS? Protecting your younger child is most important. Never an easy solution, but generally holding to your boundaries or what you are willing to accept does matter most. Prayers to you.
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Glad he went to rehab! Whether or not he is fully ready, every day in rehab is a day you know he is safe and a day closer to him maybe 'getting it' this time. Also a break for you. Prayers for you, him, and your family.
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Originally Posted by vaya
I'm so sorry again. I know what this is like and have been in your shoes many times. So often I've held off on consequences or compromised my boundaries for the sake of his job or other things. Usually, it has come to naught in the end. My AS kept the job and tried to keep up an illusion of not using while he was with me or wanted my help. however, eventually the job goes.....everything deteriorates, at least for my AS, and then I've invested all that hope, help, etc for nothing, except to be glad he had money in the bank. If your son is working, can he afford to live somewhere on his own or with a friend, or rent a room if he doesn't want to stop using? I know the best would be detox or at least some sort of rehab or outpatient., but they have to want it more than we do. My AS went to methadone so he could work, but he still kept using throughout. NO easy answers here. How old is your younger child? How old is your AS? Protecting your younger child is most important. Never an easy solution, but generally holding to your boundaries or what you are willing to accept does matter most. Prayers to you.
My AS is 21 sibling is 16 I know I must protect younger child, no doubt. I hope that something sticks in his mind, I hate insurance with this age group it should be a mandatory 60 day stay insurance is so cheap and has to repeat with this age group so why not give some longer chances but I know its up to them.... Prayers to you as well and I appreciate your coments!!
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so what after detox and rehab? any moms feel like they want to help pick the next best location? I know its not mine to do program says .....I need to understand why I feel paralyzed and cant make some choices, the only reason I am involved is because of insurance and need to make the best choices based on what they will cover as well. I have learned that further away from a comfort area seems to be helpful............ and I have to tell him that he needs to make choices and after care choices in sober living that don't include home
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i do not know anything about boils when using. what i do know is if he is out of your home & u do not give him cash u should let it go. he is not your problem. i am also the mother & grandmother of addicts. it takes a lot but keep coming here, keep learning so what ever he choose for his life u can let it go. i do have a lot of sympany for you & it is hard on you but that is why u just come back & back again & again. prayers are going up for u & your son.
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Dear Again, I wholeheartedly recommend a strong recovery home after his rehab is over. You may even ask the rehab if they have recommended after care. Here in San Diego, there is a wonderful program called Pathfinders. its 9 months long and fully immersed in AA. My son is doing very well and is at the 7 month mark of the 9 month program. It isn't a "lockdown" where the residents don't experience real life. This program (and any similar) gives them three stages to grow in their recovery.
I know its very hard not to want to fix everything. I think we need to take a step back and take it "one day at a time". Just like they do
Hugs
TT
I know its very hard not to want to fix everything. I think we need to take a step back and take it "one day at a time". Just like they do
Hugs
TT
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[QUOTE=DJ0822;6020362]I absolutely promote him going to a a Sober Living Environment (SLE). Don't agree to anything less. Don't let him come home.
Thanks so much and yes I was here once with older son.....I know he cant be here.....I know he has to learn and grow on his own now
Thanks so much and yes I was here once with older son.....I know he cant be here.....I know he has to learn and grow on his own now
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Originally Posted by Ilovemysonjj
Dear Again, I wholeheartedly recommend a strong recovery home after his rehab is over. You may even ask the rehab if they have recommended after care. Here in San Diego, there is a wonderful program called Pathfinders. its 9 months long and fully immersed in AA. My son is doing very well and is at the 7 month mark of the 9 month program. It isn't a "lockdown" where the residents don't experience real life. This program (and any similar) gives them three stages to grow in their recovery.
I know its very hard not to want to fix everything. I think we need to take a step back and take it "one day at a time". Just like they do
Hugs
TT
I know its very hard not to want to fix everything. I think we need to take a step back and take it "one day at a time". Just like they do
Hugs
TT
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