LoveMeNow

I think of you often.
I pray you are doing well.
I am sad for the reason things ended.
I am mad that addiction won!

Tonight, I got a call from an old friend. We talked, we laughed, and we cried as we reminisced about the old days. So many unexpected feelings came rushing back tonight and I just feel sad right now. I am left wondering.....How could he have let this happen to himself, to us, and to our family?

It's been almost two years since I left him. For the most part, I am happy and I am at peace. I thought I had fully reached "acceptance." But tonight, my hearts breaks for the man he once was and the life we once had.

Apparently, he has moved on to another woman. I am ok with that. I want him to be happy, healthy, clean and sober.....which I still don't believe he is. So many people here and IRL have moved on as well. Yet, I have zero interest in dating another man. Ha, I don't even look or wonder about another man. Sometimes, I truly believe I am not capable of ever loving anyone again, nor do I want to. I enjoy being single. I have a nice life with some very loving and caring friends. But deep down, I hope and pray someday.....I will be able to love again!

Anyway, I almost wanted to text him the above but I know I would really regret it in the morning, so I thought I would just put it here instead. The beauty about the morning is.....I know I will have more clarity and I can choose how to live my life each day peacefully. And I know my life will never have room for addiction in it....ever again.

My prayers go out to all who are still struggling with addiction in there lives.

Ariesagain

Sending you a hug. You're very wise, although I'm sorry that wisdom came at such a high price.

Ann

It's normal to grieve and you have done your share, but grief sneaks back too, sometimes triggered by a special date or a remembrance of a time "before addiction", or sometimes just out of the blue it can blindside us and open the healing wound.

When that happens to me I take a moment to process it, feel the pain and pay my respects...and then I don't hang out there too long, it's a dark place I don't want to be anymore. A prayer helps me, just handing it all back to God where it belongs. And a "thank you" for whatever the good part of it all was, that maybe got lost in the chaos and nastiness.

I know you, LMN, and think you are doing everything right, especially the part about being happy on your own and being able to take care of yourself without relying on anyone else. It's called healing and growing and moving forward in your life.

I am a big believer that life takes us to where we are supposed to go and I think your road leads to something wonderful...just ahead around the bend where you can't see it yet...wonderful tomorrows await you with blessings of love and laughter and fun. Whether it includes a man or not really doesn't matter because you now know that YOU alone hold the key to your happiness and I am so happy you unlocked your soul to let it in.

Big hugs to my grasshopper friend, recovery has been so much more interesting and, yes, fun, with you walking with me.

Ann

I meant to add that I am glad you posted here instead of sending that. Putting the words in writing is helpful for you to let go of your feelings, but putting them here shows how healthy your choices are these day.

I wish I had taken time to stop and think, and sleep on it, before I sent some of the messages I have send over the years.

I can learn from you.

Hugs

Sara21

LMN,

I can totally relate to your post. I left my XH 3 years ago and I, too, have no desire to date at this time. I've had offers, but I'm simply not interested in pursuing a relationship with anyone. You could bring me the most charming, handsome, wonderful guy on this planet and my response at this time would simply be, "No thanks."

I have also found peace and happiness on my own, with the help of great friends and family. Maybe one day I'll decide to share my happiness with someone else, but the important thing is that I'm already happy.

LoveMeNow

Good morning!

Yesterday was a busy day and I didn't have a chance to respond but I wanted to thank those who replied and/or read my post.

I am grateful for the clarity that comes with each morning. I am also thankful for not spending too much time in a place of sadness. It is what it is and there is nothing I can do, say or feel that would change any of it. I try not to live in the past anymore and to be thankful for the lessons I have learned as I walk this journey. (Love the quote - " We are all just walking home together." )

(((Ann))) has anyone told you today how absolutely awesome you are? I couldn't have made it to the "other side" without you! Honestly!!

It saddens me to see that so many of the old posters are gone but happy to think they have moved on to a happier place. We have all unwittingly joined an exclusive club that many will never understand. To those still struggling, trust me, there is happiness on the other side - free from addiction. I had a low bottom, I hung in there for a long time, too long and as the saying goes "let go or be dragged" - I allowed myself to be dragged into the depths of despair. It's been a heck of climb back but through the Grace of God, I made it and you will to. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other. Although, I read those words often, I truly had no idea how much I would come to value those simple words.

Today is a new beautiful day. All my needs are met. I have peace and hopefully I will make a difference in someone's life even its just a smile......and for that I am truly grateful! May God bless us all! I pray for those struggling with addiction, be it an addict or a loved one....may that moment of clarity come with a strong desire for change and the freedom from addiction!!

LoveMeNow

Ps. I forgot to add.....thank you (((Ann)) for all the laughter we shared together. Even in my darkest moments, I knew you could always make me, not only smile, but laugh so hard out loud. Boy, did I need that!

This forum just doesn't seem the same....without you and your bunny slippers! ��

Queenbee7

" We have all unwittingly joined an exclusive club that many will never understand."

So True...
Glad we have each other

Ann

I'm still here, silly, you can run but you can't hide, these bunny slippers can hunt you down anywhere.

Laughter saw me through many rough times, when I came here I hadn't laughed hard for a very long time...then met some others and before you knew it laughter was part of my recovery...and a part I try to pass on.

We codies need to laugh more, to see the funny side of life because there still is one...even if we laugh at ourselves.

Find the joy and embrace it.

Hugs

mamaof3boyz

I often have the same thoughts...although I haven't left my RAH. Big hugs to you. I know that empty feeling all too well. Keep moving forward. You are a wonderful person.