Trial by fire
 

"A test in which a person is exposed to flames in order to assess his/her truthfulness, commitment, courage, etc."

I think it is important for friends and family of substance abusers to realize that, just as with any addiction, things get worse before they get better.

I separated from my STBX so many times due to his addiction that I lost count. Every. Single. Time. strange things would go wrong- things that never had before. The septic tank would overflow, the air conditioner would stop working, the power would go out for days in the dead of winter.

I'm a very spiritual person, always looking for symbolism and deeper meaning. So when these things would happen, I would think- "It's a sign! He is meant to be in our lives!"

Now I see that there was more to it than that. I really believe that God's been giving me a crash course lately in how to take care of my boys and myself. And he's asking me, "How bad do you want this?"

More than anything.

I'm ready for the fight. I'm ready to go to court against a man with no morals- a man who has vowed to destroy me by any means possible. I'm ready to have terrible lies told about me, and accept the possibility that they will be believed. I'm ready to put it all on the line in the name of truth. Because I know even if my worst fears come true, even if my children are stripped away from me and delivered into the hands of a psychopath- it's all just part of my pruning. I'll never give up.

I want this more than anything.

:You_Rock_

Wow Hecho, that is pretty powerful.

You've got this and we've got your back. Remember that he is acting purely out of spite and you are acting to protect your children. That knowledge kept me going way past the point of exhaustion, through all the lies and crap and nonsense. I was acting out of love.
Great post. Thank you.

Sometimes what appears to be stumbling blocks are really Stepping Stone's up in the right direction to becoming who we are capable of truly being..........

STRONG, Self-Reliant, Full of Self-Respect and Self-Love, Providers and Protectors of our Families, Mother's who are willing to kick A$$

I'm feeling peeved today because of ALL the responsibility being on ME and it made me think of this post..
I have a long (12hr) road trip I have to take this Saturday to pick up my oldest kids from visiting family. Now my car sounds "funny", looks like the coolant needs more fluid???!?? Maybe..don't know..
Only have $$ for gas not a mechanic check-up etc.

I have a house full of sick kids..
I'm exhausted..
This is when I think , hey wait a minute I'm supposed to have a husband around.
I'm legally married
I made a vow
He made a vow
Addiction SUCKS

I'm sorry to hear that, Queenbee.

The chaos of living with an addict spouse can sometimes be easier for us to ignore than the chaos of living life on our own. At least with the former we have someone to share our frustrations with.

Hang in there and don't be afraid to ask for help from friends, family and even acquaintances. I know it's easier said than done- in fact, I'm sitting in a hot as heck house right now because my air conditioner stopped working. My neighbor across the street is an air conditioner technician who has told me on several occasions he will be happy to help me in any way possible. But I just... can't...! Sigh. I think I'm going to have to call him today.

Good luck to you and I hope you find some calm soon.