Iwishonstars777

I told my fiance today I didn't want to be with him anymore and I'm breaking up with him. I Did it. I said what I've been dreading to say instead of beating around the bush with stupid hints or I hate yous. It came easier than I thought it would and just happened. At first he didn't seem like he was taking me seriously until I rephrased it to I'm breaking up with you. I told him he needs to call his brother or sister for a place. (He needs to help his sister with their deceased parents house anyway). Ill take him to his classes friday and get his stuff and after the girls go to sleep, ill take him to where hes staying. That we would be better apart because I can't live my life all crazy anymore and we both have stuff to seriously work on by ourselves. I told him I don't know if this is the right thing to do but it needs to happen for my sake, kids sake, and his sake. That i love him but cant live in peace with him. (As much as id love to, i cant sit around in the chaos waiting for a miracle to happen.) What is meant to be, will be. I want him to still see the kids, with me there of course.
How did you feel?
I feel bad it is weeks before father's day. But I've always found excuses like that holding me back from letting go. I also feel nothing. Like its just another day. Well see what tomorrow brings. I don't feel sad but my heart hurts. My brain says ok, next? I want to go to school for something and have a few ideas but I know I can't do school living with him. I have the support of my parents and family, they are the best. I want to provide for my family not needing a male to. The thought, "now what can I do to better myself?" Comes to mind.
I feel like my body released stress and bad energy. Maybe I can finally start to breathe better. I'm still anxious though because he's not out of the house yet. I feel hell come up with an excuse to stay here. I hope not, I hope he's taking me serious. I need this.

Ann

Those may be the most important words you ever write.

I am glad you have family to help you find your balance, and having goals to improve your schooling will help you support yourself better soon.

You may have emotional ups and downs over the next while, just don't hang around the "downs" too long, it's a dark place and you have already been there.

We're here and we're cheering you on.

Hugs

Hechosedrugs

Iwish,

I'm so proud of you. I know you've been weighing this decision for a long time, and it wasn't made lightly. The world is your oyster now- you'll be amazed what you can accomplish now that your energy isn't all being directed toward his addiction.

That said, I sometimes think the sticky "6,8,10 times" could just as easily be applied to friends and family of substance abusers. Please remember you are every bit as at risk of relapsing and accepting chaos back into your life as he is.
As Ann said, there will likely be ups and downs. Just a warning I felt necessary.

Good luck to you and I encourage you to keep posting. By sharing your experience, you help others as well as yourself.

Wishing you all the best.

hopeful4

Good for you. I hope he is respectful of your wishes.

Many hugs. I agree, it's ups and downs, but ultimately you and your children deserve more!

zoso77

I know that this was a difficult thing to do. I would also be prepared for a bunch of conflicting emotions in the days and weeks to come. Ending a relationship is hard thing. It's a loss. And sometimes, we can be surprised at how deeply we grieve that loss. All you can do is ride it out and keep pushing forward...

Iwishonstars777

I'm having a flood of emotions after he asked me if this is really what I want to do. Definitely more emotional today. I do just want to curl up in a ball and cry and hope everything just goes away and is good again. I'm starting to second guess my decision and thinking I should continue to stick it out. Grr. 😭

JimC60

Iwishonstars,

".....and thinking I should continue to stick it out......" I think that is the right answer. Just think about what is best for you and the kids.

Like others have said, there is going to be grief associated with your decision which may well go on for some time - certainly more than the 10 hours you have been living with it.

Crying can be therapeutic and it sometimes works better with company. Do you have a sponsor, home group or someone you can call or go to visit - lean on your friends, lean on us here at SR -- I know it's not like face to face, but it helps.

Keep coming back,

Jim

atalose

It’s kind of like the “big pink cloud” feeling addicts get when they begin a recovery. Feeling strong with a decision and excited about life in spite of difficult circumstances. A willingness to do whatever it may take in order to bring peace and happiness into our lives……………until withdrawal begins, emotions get stirred and unpleasant feeling set in and a dread feeling like we just can’t handle it…..just like the addict does and they pick up again. We are no different really, we run right back into the fire as well.

It's not easy but YES you can sit with these feelings and allow them to work to your benefit.

Keep posting if you must!!! use any all tools that's been advised to you.

You got this! You can do this..........freedom is right on the other side of all your fears.

dandylion

Iwishonstars...."stick out what".....exactly? Do you remember the reasons you are l eaving?

My best advice (from experience)...Don't expect leaving to be painless.....
Expect it to be painful, but TEMPORARY......

dandylion

zoso77

As if on cue...

Your decision making is sound. You made the difficult choice, but the correct choice. No one ever said doing the right thing was easy. More often than not, it's really, really hard.

It's especially hard to end a relationship with someone who means the world to us. And just because something ends doesn't mean we stop caring about them, or wanting the best for them. What it does mean is staying with that person costs us too much. So we do what we have to do to protect ourselves.

You're going to carry him for a long time. And in time, you'll learn how to do this without it hurting you as much as it does now. Trust me, kid, you're going to be OK.

AnvilheadII

and hope everything just goes away and is good again

it just doesn't work that way. you still want HIM to fix this and he can't. you MUST assume control of your own life, your own life's path. and he is no longer part of it. he can't click his heels and be everything you ever wanted.

if you want HIM to take you seriously, then you MUST uphold your own words.

PuzzledHeart

This is going to sound odd given your circumstances but I'm so glad you wrote that!

I'm going to warn you of something that I've been VERY guilty of myself: sometimes it is easier to get wrapped up in other people's fates because then you don't have to think about your own. The last time my heart was broken ( and it was broken in a BIG way) one of the things I had to realize that it was sometimes easier to take refuge in the good memories of my ex because then it meant that I didn't have to think about my future. And my future was indeed a scarier prospect because it was a giant big blank. The good memories of my ex were a diversion.

But the flip side of that was when I finally started thinking about what I was going to do, I ended up doing a number of things that I'm proud of even today. And with each action I did to accomplish my dreams it became easier and easier to let him go. I let the pain I felt fuel my desire and ambition for a better future, and now that I know that I can do that I am in a much better place.

And you can do that too.