What if he really dies?
 

I know I'm posting too much. I'm sorry! Hopefully I'll calm down soon. Also, I plan to start going to Al Anon next week. (I thought the meeting was Tuesdays, but it's Mondays, so I missed it...)

I kept my mind occupied for a bit. Then, last night, I looked into one of the boxes that brother and his wife left in the living room. (It's a crate, I didn't open their things.) It's this sad little collection of a spice or two, some pasta, etc. and I started worrying, "What if they starve?"

Then tonight, I got the text - no food, no water, no gas, no money, etc.

I asked what happened to his check. Then he went all guilt-trip "sorry for even bothering you."

But now, I'm even more worried! What if he really doesn't have gas and loses his job? If they really don't have food? water? ugh. ugh. ugh. I'm scared they're going to starve or that one of them will really commit suicide - something they threaten fairly often.

But, really and truly, I DON'T have the money. We did bills tonight and came up very short (our money issues come from medical problems). Plus, I know they partied for the holiday. They borrowed our cooler. So, even if no drugs (not likely) they bought alcohol and gas to go somewhere partying.

I just texted back and told him that I was sorry, I loved him, I was here to talk, but I didn't have money to give him.

(We didn't prevent them from taking their things, btw. They just didn't.)

I'm sorry you're going through this.

I know it's a tough thing to do, but if they're threatening suicide you may want to call 911. If they were 5150'd they'd get food and water, and a little break from drugs.

But I realize that's easier said than done, you'd have a whole lot of resentment and anger to deal with afterward. Then again, you will, anyway, for refusing to enable them anymore.

Wishing you peace.

It takes 30-40 days for an adult human to starve to death. That should give them some time to find an alternative that doesn't involve exploiting your kind heart to keep the party going.

If they were able to find money to booze and use all weekend, they'll manage.

Hey WG, what Aries says above is so true. Please stay strong and take care of yourself.

They didn't tonight, it's just a typical way they manipulate me and my parents. We've all finally started saying no, so I've started wondering if they're really in danger of it. If they threaten it again, I think I'll do that. I've been inpatient for suicidal tendencies and honestly, it wasn't fun but it was safe. Food, water, showers, clean bed, air conditioning.

That helps a LOT, actually. I've never been more than a few days without food, I didn't know how long you could really go.

I fasted a month once.

I agree with others--they are choosing this, and giving them money
only enables their using.
This is the choice they are making, and your brother is explioting your kind
heart and using guilt and fear to manipulate you.
That isn't right.

Well, he came by tonight to pick up some more of their things. I pointed out the crate of food. He said that she had almost had a heat stroke today because they don't have a/c due to no electricity. I can't trust her inside my home when no one is here, though. He's gotten gas from somewhere, though, and did go to work today.

I don't know how to process leaving them in this situation. I'm just trying to bury it deep inside for now. ugh.

WeakGirl, you didn't leave them in this situation, they put themselves there and they alone can find their way out...of they want to. And they may want too sooner rather than later if they don't get free money to buy drugs with.

My son used to tell me stories that would make you weep, how hungry he was, how cold (in the winter), how hot (in the summer), how broke...and yet he was fully capable of picking up day construction jobs to finance his drug use,

Rehabs have air conditioning, good food, a clean bed, and "real" help, the Salvation Army rehabs are free. So there are other options.

I have said often here that "we" are not their only option, "we're"not even a good one.

When the pain of using becomes greater than the fear of stopping they will maybe surrender and find a better path. Allow them the dignity to find their own way.

I get through my days without fearing for my son who has been missing and lost in his addiction for years, by saying a prayer and putting his care in God's hands, then living my life well, as life was meant to be lived, finding beauty and joy in every single day.

I am glad you are finding your way back to meetings, the support and peace there will help you find your balance.

Hugs

Wow! Excellent!!!!!!

Yes!
This is exactly what made me finally get help for my alcoholism. No one in the world was able to help me until I reached this point.

trust me, addicts are EXTREMELY crafty and resourceful. they will also play the "You're My Only Hope, Obi Wan" card - which is actually just one of their methods to get what they want without having to actually DO anything.

spend all your money on dope? too bad, so sad. get your head out of your @ss.

I use this phrase on my son all the time:

"When you do X, you are telling me Y."

An example:
"When you don't do your homework right away when you get home, you are telling me that you don't want to play at the park later this evening."

So when your brother spends money on booze, he is telling you that he has enough money for food.

When your brother and wife drank in your home, they were telling you that they really didn't want to be there. When they brought the dogs into your house, even though you asked him not to, they were telling you that that their residency in your house was going to be a short-term situation.

You've told them the conditions in which you could bring them into your home, and they couldn't follow them.

In the end, it was their choice, not yours.

Courage to you WG! You did not cause this situation for them; they did.

The only responsibility you have is to keep your home a safe happy place for you.

They may need a few hot/hungry/uncomfortable days to figure it out. They may need a lot of these kind of days. Don't rob him of these consequences.

You guys, all of you - can I just say I'm sending out so much love to y'all? This place and you beautiful souls are literally like a life-line to me right now!

I chuckled when I read it, dear. YOU did not leave them in this situation, by any means!

Thanks for this WG. We may be pretty flawed but we are still each other's lifeline!!

lol! I am slowly learning to believe that, I think.

You can't allow yourself to be held hostage by a hypothetical that may or may not happen. Because if you do, you'll never break free of him...

I REALLY like this.... I think I will also apply it to a Hypothetical "maybe he will get sober some day" too. That way I'm not held "hostage" to waiting around for that hypothetical "someday" and I'm free to live my life in the present.
Today my husband is an addict so I move on.

Thanks Zoso