Save this marriage to a child molesting drug addict
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Join Date: Nov 2015
Posts: 635
Save this marriage to a child molesting drug addict
Yes, everybody's got opinions!
The first one, I admit, I brought that on myself.
I mean, I asked the prayer team at church to pray for me.
"What is your situation?"
"Divorce," I said. "Please pray for my strength and to give me peace."
They didn't. Instead, they prayed for reunification. Because God so wants us to be married, and he can fix this.
Maybe he can, but he's shown me that he won't.
And those ladies don't know a dang thing about my situation, and no matter how much they believe in matrimony, I'd be willing to bet that they'd tell to run for the hills if they did. I know my ultra-religious aunt did, though it took her a good 5 years longer than the rest of my family.
Then I went swimming at the local pool. My neighbor was there. He told me some friends of his had divorced, but had decided to live in the same house as "roommates", and had I ever considered this? It's just so sad to see a family break up.
He doesn't know a dang thing about my situation, not a dang thing.
And as if I didn't have reasons enough- years of drug use, leaving guns within my children's reach, my friend telling me that her son confessed to having been molested by him, holes in our walls, death threats, absolute chaos in our home EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. Then I get some more news about his sterling character. That man Dave, that I always had heard was out to get him for no reason at all, that story that people always began to tell me, but then stopped... yes, there was more to it. He raped Dave's wife when she was passed out drunk. They caught up to him and he threw her out of his truck, incapacitated with pants around her ankles and sped off.
Yes, this is the man you ladies just prayed for me to get back together with!
But, yes, I brought it on myself. I just wanted a prayer, that's all. For strength and peace. THAT'S ALL.
:
The first one, I admit, I brought that on myself.
I mean, I asked the prayer team at church to pray for me.
"What is your situation?"
"Divorce," I said. "Please pray for my strength and to give me peace."
They didn't. Instead, they prayed for reunification. Because God so wants us to be married, and he can fix this.
Maybe he can, but he's shown me that he won't.
And those ladies don't know a dang thing about my situation, and no matter how much they believe in matrimony, I'd be willing to bet that they'd tell to run for the hills if they did. I know my ultra-religious aunt did, though it took her a good 5 years longer than the rest of my family.
Then I went swimming at the local pool. My neighbor was there. He told me some friends of his had divorced, but had decided to live in the same house as "roommates", and had I ever considered this? It's just so sad to see a family break up.
He doesn't know a dang thing about my situation, not a dang thing.
And as if I didn't have reasons enough- years of drug use, leaving guns within my children's reach, my friend telling me that her son confessed to having been molested by him, holes in our walls, death threats, absolute chaos in our home EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. Then I get some more news about his sterling character. That man Dave, that I always had heard was out to get him for no reason at all, that story that people always began to tell me, but then stopped... yes, there was more to it. He raped Dave's wife when she was passed out drunk. They caught up to him and he threw her out of his truck, incapacitated with pants around her ankles and sped off.
Yes, this is the man you ladies just prayed for me to get back together with!
But, yes, I brought it on myself. I just wanted a prayer, that's all. For strength and peace. THAT'S ALL.
:
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Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: Northwest
Posts: 4,215
I'm sorry...must have been hard not to give these judgey people a few choice details, but you did the right thing.
If people minded their own business a little more often, the world would be a better place. I heard a great variation on the serenity prayer..
"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know when to just shut up."
Sending you a hug.
If people minded their own business a little more often, the world would be a better place. I heard a great variation on the serenity prayer..
"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know when to just shut up."
Sending you a hug.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Western US
Posts: 9,003
Argh Hecho, peace and healing to you.
In my books, any relationship this man is in doesn't count as a marriage; I don't care if the ceremony was performed by both popes at high mass. The guy is too broken/toxic/emotionally-deformed to be capable of marriage.
Peace, healing and a speedy divorce to you!
In my books, any relationship this man is in doesn't count as a marriage; I don't care if the ceremony was performed by both popes at high mass. The guy is too broken/toxic/emotionally-deformed to be capable of marriage.
Peace, healing and a speedy divorce to you!
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
I find sometimes I need to look for support only from those who truly understand, like here. Those who don't understand cannot help me, they cannot even help me help myself.
Another good reason I believe in the saying "What others think of me is none of my business", which allows me to let go of the need to explain or become uncomfortable with their judgements.
My prayer goes out for you today, that you may find the strength and courage to do what you know is right.
Hugs
P.S. I love Ariesagain's version...
"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know when to just shut up."
Another good reason I believe in the saying "What others think of me is none of my business", which allows me to let go of the need to explain or become uncomfortable with their judgements.
My prayer goes out for you today, that you may find the strength and courage to do what you know is right.
Hugs
P.S. I love Ariesagain's version...
"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know when to just shut up."
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Posts: 468
Originally Posted by Hechosedrugs 
I just wanted a prayer, that's all. For strength and peace. THAT'S ALL.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2015
Posts: 635
Thank you all so much for your wisdom. This forum has been so helpful.
Aries, that quote is so perfect.
Bekind, I agree completely. I'm so thankful for these recent revelations. They've helped me to detach, as I now realize I never even knew my STBX. I no longer feel like we were married. When we first separated, the pain was so immense. I couldn't stand to be around him- I wanted so badly to be held by him. No longer. He's a stranger.
I've been praying for his lies and manipulations to come to the surface, and they certainly have- at least to me. Now, if only the courts could see them...
Something interesting-
I bought a necklace for my court date. It came with a set of earrings. I figured I wouldn't be able to wear the earrings, as my piercings have been closed for years- ever since my wedding, really. I'd even tried to re-pierce them myself, but it was so hard I feared I'd do permanent damage.
Well, I thought, what the heck. Maybe I'll just see if these earrings will poke through.
And they did, without the least bit of a struggle. The earrings just glided on through, as if the holes had never closed up in the first place.
Little miracles are happening.
Aries, that quote is so perfect.
Bekind, I agree completely. I'm so thankful for these recent revelations. They've helped me to detach, as I now realize I never even knew my STBX. I no longer feel like we were married. When we first separated, the pain was so immense. I couldn't stand to be around him- I wanted so badly to be held by him. No longer. He's a stranger.
I've been praying for his lies and manipulations to come to the surface, and they certainly have- at least to me. Now, if only the courts could see them...
Something interesting-
I bought a necklace for my court date. It came with a set of earrings. I figured I wouldn't be able to wear the earrings, as my piercings have been closed for years- ever since my wedding, really. I'd even tried to re-pierce them myself, but it was so hard I feared I'd do permanent damage.
Well, I thought, what the heck. Maybe I'll just see if these earrings will poke through.
And they did, without the least bit of a struggle. The earrings just glided on through, as if the holes had never closed up in the first place.
Little miracles are happening.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 1,452
A quote from Mlk3, no longer with us, but his wisdom endures:
One of my favorites, maybe because it's mine, is:
Marriage vows are not a mutual suicide pact.
Your friend,
__________________
Mike
Another one, but I can't remember who to attribute it to:
What other people think of me is none of my business
Congratulations on taking care of yourself with a new necklace and earrings -
I remember that on my first court date with my abusive stbxah, knowing that we were exactly the same height, I bought the sexiest and absolutely highest heels I could find - barely able to toddle around on them - and stood next to him, and he looked like he was in a VERY DEEP hole...
Prayers coming your way,
ShootingStar1
One of my favorites, maybe because it's mine, is:
Marriage vows are not a mutual suicide pact.
Your friend,
__________________
Mike
Another one, but I can't remember who to attribute it to:
What other people think of me is none of my business
Congratulations on taking care of yourself with a new necklace and earrings -
I remember that on my first court date with my abusive stbxah, knowing that we were exactly the same height, I bought the sexiest and absolutely highest heels I could find - barely able to toddle around on them - and stood next to him, and he looked like he was in a VERY DEEP hole...
Prayers coming your way,
ShootingStar1
Member
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 23
I can relate to this. My pastor, though he knows my husband has the potential to be dangerous, doesn't think divorce is the answer. He has told me straight out that he feels we should not live together as my husband isn't stable, but we can go on living apart forever as long as we stayed married.
No, I don't think so. I love church and my church family and I appreciate all the many things they have done to help me. But staying married isn't an option.
No, I don't think so. I love church and my church family and I appreciate all the many things they have done to help me. But staying married isn't an option.
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
Goodness.
My pastor just sent out in the newsletter where the bible does state in some instances divorce is acceptable. I was very thankful to know his mindset, and proud of him that he had the courage to mail that out to 2,000 congregation members. Hats off for sticking up to those who have experienced the awful things that lead to divorce.
Shootingstar...I love the high heals story!!!!
My pastor just sent out in the newsletter where the bible does state in some instances divorce is acceptable. I was very thankful to know his mindset, and proud of him that he had the courage to mail that out to 2,000 congregation members. Hats off for sticking up to those who have experienced the awful things that lead to divorce.
Shootingstar...I love the high heals story!!!!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2015
Posts: 635
Originally Posted by ShootingStar1
A quote from Mlk3, no longer with us, but his wisdom endures:
One of my favorites, maybe because it's mine, is:
Marriage vows are not a mutual suicide pact.
Your friend,
__________________
Mike
Another one, but I can't remember who to attribute it to:
What other people think of me is none of my business
Congratulations on taking care of yourself with a new necklace and earrings -
I remember that on my first court date with my abusive stbxah, knowing that we were exactly the same height, I bought the sexiest and absolutely highest heels I could find - barely able to toddle around on them - and stood next to him, and he looked like he was in a VERY DEEP hole...
Prayers coming your way,
ShootingStar1
One of my favorites, maybe because it's mine, is:
Marriage vows are not a mutual suicide pact.
Your friend,
__________________
Mike
Another one, but I can't remember who to attribute it to:
What other people think of me is none of my business
Congratulations on taking care of yourself with a new necklace and earrings -
I remember that on my first court date with my abusive stbxah, knowing that we were exactly the same height, I bought the sexiest and absolutely highest heels I could find - barely able to toddle around on them - and stood next to him, and he looked like he was in a VERY DEEP hole...
Prayers coming your way,
ShootingStar1
Our first time around (I filed before, but stupidly let him talk me into reconciling) I wore flats. I thought they'd make me look down to earth and more motherly. Then I started reading about what to wear, and found a lot of sites saying that high heels scream "power". I want to scream "power"! No more Mrs. Nice Gal!
I got a killer suit, too.
Bring it!
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