vaya

Feeling guilty now because I provided police with a full description of my AS when I was told by phone that he was accused of indecent exposure. I was in the process of posting my previous post about getting caught up in his insanity on this forum, when the call came in.

I now feel I was influenced by the responses I got and have gotten when I gave the police his description over the phone. If I hadn't or had warned my son that the police were after him in time, he may not have been charged with that crime.

I know it sounds crazy to most of you, but this isn't the sort of thing my AS does and it in fact may have been accidental or drug induced or the result of his mental state, which has been very unstable. If he is found guilty he will have to register as a sex offender which will destroy any chances of him having a second chance at life should he get it together.

This is not just some possession or under the influence charge. He was arrested on hearsay and was not in his right mind at the time. Now, as I review the potential consequences and seriousness of such a charge, I am not only feeling guilty, but inclined to visit him and perhaps bail him out.

Yes, I need to get out of the way of things, but the fact is the legal system is what it is and does not necessarily care about mental health issues. I would rather see him have the chance to plead being under the influence and get the treatment for that, than being charged with a sex crime. i know some of you think he could have done it and has issues with women. He has never done anything like this before. If anything it is likely it was accidental because he was so out of it and upset at the time. His pants do often fall down because they don't fit right and he wears them kind of low. that's how he lost his wallet this weekend.

So, even tho we're supposed to stay out of the way, I'm not so sure i can completely do that in this case. Furthermore, if they keep him in custody and he misses his methadone for 3 days, he won't even be in a position to defend himself or understand the seriousness of the charges. It is really hard to explain these things to the public defender and it is even harder for the judge to be willing to look at the various factors when the accused appears in handcuffs and jail attire.

Whether or not the offense, if it occured, did so as the result of drugs or mental health reasons, he will not get the help he needs if sentenced to jail and forced to register as a sex offender. I don't even think he understands the charges.

If I hadn't described him to the police as I did, he would have at least had the benefit of the doubt of the case being referred to a detective who would then determine whether or not to pursue the case. But just because he happened to walk by the area where the alleged incident occured they arrested him , on the basis of the description I gave, for returning to the scene. The officers told me since he did not live in the area and returned to the area, he was arrested. I explained he does live in the area, but then it was too late and he was in custody.

I feel these are unique circumstances and while he does need to suffer the consequences of his choices, this time the consequence could have a lifetime sentence and it doesn't seem fair. This isn't like getting another possession charge and then being sentenced to rehab, which would be great. He may not even do time and then have to be a registered sex offender if found guilty.

I know some of you still think I'm too involved, but I don't think its fair for someone not in their right mind to suffer that kind of consequence. It will not help him. It will only further incite him and make him more depressed. He already feels like he can hardly get a good job because of his previous drug charges.

Also, he has, over the years and this past year done much to help himself, going to rehab, sober living, getting on methadone, getting counseling, even if it isn't 'working' yet. He clearly has dual diagnosis issues and hasn't really had those issues seriously addressed.

Yes, he's an addict and is sick, but he does not deserve to risk being labeled a sex offender for life!!

I really look forward to your responses on this. I hope you don't just lurk and not respond. This is a complicated issue .
thank you.

Bekindalways

Oh Vaya, it does indeed sound complicated.

I don't know the ins and outs of jail time and the law so can't say much. Are inmates indeed taken off of essential medications in jail? Going to jail pretty much saved the life of my XABF as he had to get sober.

Please take care of yourself as much as you can.

vaya

Yes , inmates do not often get the meds they need, especially in the case of methadone. They rarely get anything more than an aspirin and methadone is THE hardest medicine/drug to withdraw from. HOwever, thanks for responding.

DoubleBarrel

I would strongly advise that you stop posting about specific legal issues, and consider deleting the information that you have already put on a public forum.
These well meaning people are typically giving really terrible advice about dealing with the police and legal matters.
It's not their career nor is it their kids well being on the line.
I wish the same prohibition of dispensing medical advise applied to legal matters., since it is equally serious.

alterity

vaya,

I am an attorney and I completely agree with what DoubleBarrel wrote about the advice you will get here.

I will PM you.

alterity

P.S.

Well, the prohibition may not be in the TOU but every state in the U.S. has statutory and/or regulatory prohibitions against practicing law without a license. Giving legal advice without a license constitutes unauthorized practice of law. The definition of "legal advice" can get murky, and most people have difficulty recognizing where the line is so as to avoid crossing it. A good rule of thumb is to first ask, "If the person I am giving my advice to does what I say, could serious legal consequences occur?" If yes, then the advice is legal advice and should not be given by a non-attorney.

Eauchiche

I don't think you need to feel guilty for cooperating with law enforcement.
Just my 2 cents worth.....

hopeful4

Hi Vaya,

I don't have any advise, but I do want to say that I am here, reading this, supporting you. Goodness, I cannot even imagine. Many, many hugs.

As far as responses here, you have to take it for what it is. This is a public forum. While there may be physicians, nurses, attorney's reading, none are authorized to dispense any legal or medical advise, as everyone knows. And I think you are intelligent enough to know that.

As far as anything else, we are here, giving our opinion, and supporting each other. This is a place to reach out for emotional support, for friendship, and caring.

I hope your son gets the help he needs. Hugs.

ScottFromWI

I am not a physician or a doctor, but the thing that really sticks out to me in your post is that multiple times you stated ( and I'm paraphrasing ) "I know I"m not supposed to involve myself....BUT".

As hard as it is stay out of it, you need to. You don't know the details of what might have transpired. You may THINK your son isn't that kind of person, and maybe he isn't. But trying to manipulate the process by involving yourself based on what you'd LIKE to see happen or on what you THINK should happen will most likely only cause more problems than there already are.

atalose

I am so sorry that you are so torn up and filled with guilt. I know you came here for YOU and how YOU are feeling so I hope everyone reading your post keeps that in mind.

Is there someone like a therapist or counselor that you could go see who may offer you professional help working through all of these mixed emotions?

DoubleBarrel

Why do you suppose that people who are experts in the law have a difference of opinion than you? Perhaps they have information you do not?

Please watch
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=6wXkI4t7nuc

miamifella

Guilt in the sense you are using it is not a legal matter. It is a feeling about a moral action.

You were trying to do the right thing. You were trying to help your son. There is nothing to feel guilt about.

The question is what do you do now.

Also-why are you so trusting of people just because they have a youtube account?

miamifella

Also, your son was out of his mind and was putting himself in danger.

Even if he gets put on a registry orconfined to prison, at least he will be alive. There was a strong chance he would be dead if you had not done what you did.

zoso77

vaya...sometimes we're confronted with choices that are awful and have no good outcomes. With this in mind, I hope that you do what is necessary to protect yourself, even if that means adverse consequences for your son.

DoubleBarrel

Oh for crying out loud. Did you watch the video? It clearly spells out what I know. I've worked in criminal law for over 15 years.

alterity

I agree with you AND with doublebarrel.

I think that in a crisis like vaya and her AS were in, any reaching out for help is justified. I was in the very same situation with my B last summer, and while I do not believe imprisonment to be the solution, there was no other option but to involve law enforcement for his own safety and that of others. Desperate times call for desperate measures.

That youtube video is of a lecture by a former criminal defense attorney. It contains very valuable information and advice.

I think that it is far easier to be cautious about law enforcement when you aren't smack in the middle of a tragedy waiting to happen, e.g. a murder, suicide, other kind of death, grave bodily harm.

I feel no guilt about contacting everyone and anyone in a position of power and authority to control my B who could not control himself. I don't think vaya should feel any either.

miamifella

I am sorry. I thought the OP had posted the video. But even so...

I have not worked in criminal law so I would not be able to evaluate the quality of information, as you could. So I did not watch more than a few seconds.

When I have seen such videos on YouTube in areas I know, they are often inaccurate and misinformed. And some are not. But neither I, nor the OP would have any way to evaluate that.

But in most circumstance, I think most of us understand that the police collect evidence and we should not speak to them without a legal advice when a criminal matter is involved.

However, this woman's son was a danger to himself. In this circumstance she needed to get him off the street somehow. Given that she was in a life-or-death situation, she seems to have had little choice and it seems cruel to encourage her to go back and second-guess herself. She has too many immediate issues to deal with right now.

hopeful4

Let's please not get off topic. Vaya needs support, and that is all she needs from us at this point. Let's all focus on how we can be of assistance through emotional support to her during this difficult time.