Melissalost

Please everyone. I'm desprite... I found my high school crush from 20 years ago.. He was in recovery when we met.. His drug of choice? Heroin.. Two days ago he relapsed but not on heroin, but vyvanne.. He did not try to withhold the fact that he used and Infact told me after he took the pills... I feel like I will never look at him the same again. Even though he seemed very remorseful and promised that using wasn't worth losing me, I don't buy it. The trust is broken and I don't know where to go. I loved him with all my soul and we were planing on starting a family and planning a wedding. I'm utterly broken and blindsided. I don't know if I can mentally handle the fear of him lying to me again.. Although he admitted to using, he went behind my back and hide that he was going to get the pills.. Deception is deception in my eyes... My God I love this man, but I cannot be with someone who o cannot trust. My brain feels in knots and my heart literally feels like it's fallen out.

Firesong

I know sort of how this feels, Melissalost, and I am sorry you are going through this. I am glad your brain doesn't feel like it's fallen out.

Your brain knows this, and that is a good thing.

Bekindalways

So glad you are here and posting Melissa and so sorry for the reason.

Please do everything you can to educate yourself about being in a relationship with a user. Would you be willing to find an Alanon meeting and give it a try? For many it is a lifesaver. Also look for the book Codependent No More.

Peace and healing to you. This is a super painful even to live through.