First time on any site like this
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Join Date: May 2016
Location: Illinois
Posts: 140
Again thanks Queenbee7, I'm feeling a little better each time when I read your responses. I do agree, it's tough and I was told many times it's hard because they are not always this way, there are a few happy times and we hold onto them believeing they will get better and be better and stay that way. The reality is too real for me. My friends and entire family turned their back to me when I tried to make it work the very last time before I did the protection order. I am slowly gaining them back and they are slowly learning what exactly was going on and they are supportive of the kids. In the end for me, it's all about the kids. He had many sponsors in his life and this is the first he stuck with yet for reasons that do not seem good for me. That is his issue and no longer mine. I'm trying to hold my head high, it's just upset the day I know I have to drop off the baby for visitation for a few hours. I wish I could get over this anxiety
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Join Date: Apr 2016
Posts: 293
Originally Posted by newbeginings16 
Again thanks Queenbee7, I'm feeling a little better each time when I read your responses. I do agree, it's tough and I was told many times it's hard because they are not always this way, there are a few happy times and we hold onto them believeing they will get better and be better and stay that way. The reality is too real for me. My friends and entire family turned their back to me when I tried to make it work the very last time before I did the protection order. I am slowly gaining them back and they are slowly learning what exactly was going on and they are supportive of the kids. In the end for me, it's all about the kids. He had many sponsors in his life and this is the first he stuck with yet for reasons that do not seem good for me. That is his issue and no longer mine. I'm trying to hold my head high, it's just upset the day I know I have to drop off the baby for visitation for a few hours. I wish I could get over this anxiety
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Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Iowa
Posts: 3,050
It's really hard to get emotionally untangled from this type of abuser. Gestures that would be kind and loving in the context of a "normal" relationship are really just part of the overall pattern of abuse and control. They are not expressions of love, they are calculated efforts to suck you back into the cycle when the abuser feels his control slipping away.
I'm really glad you're looking into some help for yourself and the kids. Lots of great suggestions in this thread. It sucks that so many of us have been through things like this, but I'm grateful that there's a place we can come together and share our experience and hopefully help others.
I'm really glad you're looking into some help for yourself and the kids. Lots of great suggestions in this thread. It sucks that so many of us have been through things like this, but I'm grateful that there's a place we can come together and share our experience and hopefully help others.
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Join Date: May 2016
Location: Illinois
Posts: 140
"It's really hard to get emotionally untangled from this type of abuser. Gestures that would be kind and loving in the context of a "normal" relationship are really just part of the overall pattern of abuse and control. They are not expressions of love, they are calculated efforts to suck you back into the cycle when the abuser feels his control slipping away. "
WOW! you took the words right from my soul! This man was all about control and being an independent woman, lets say there was a fight almost every night, what I wore, how I looked at people, how I was happy with my kids and not him, he always needed more from me and when I said that's not possible he apologized and I knew he would countinue it all again. He would message me on average during a work day 65-100 times and a few times I was in meetings so he called the front desk to have me tracked down, and when I called back he was like-well, where were you? I said your kidding? Im at work! he said sorry, just that I miss you so much and I said you are working too! I will see you when we get off work. he would continue and call and if I was in the bathroom he would send messages asking why I didn't answer the phone on my desk. I would remind him nicely that what he was doing was wrong and innaproprate, then I got the same response well all the women I dated were fine with it and I said really? then where are they now?
Anyways, thank you all for Everything on here!!! I hope to help others as well!
I do not have a lawyer as of yet, I filed both EOP orders and the Plenary order on my own which is probably why I am freaking out. I am trying to obtain a free lawyer and will know by the end of the week (fingers crossed).
WOW! you took the words right from my soul! This man was all about control and being an independent woman, lets say there was a fight almost every night, what I wore, how I looked at people, how I was happy with my kids and not him, he always needed more from me and when I said that's not possible he apologized and I knew he would countinue it all again. He would message me on average during a work day 65-100 times and a few times I was in meetings so he called the front desk to have me tracked down, and when I called back he was like-well, where were you? I said your kidding? Im at work! he said sorry, just that I miss you so much and I said you are working too! I will see you when we get off work. he would continue and call and if I was in the bathroom he would send messages asking why I didn't answer the phone on my desk. I would remind him nicely that what he was doing was wrong and innaproprate, then I got the same response well all the women I dated were fine with it and I said really? then where are they now?
Anyways, thank you all for Everything on here!!! I hope to help others as well!
I do not have a lawyer as of yet, I filed both EOP orders and the Plenary order on my own which is probably why I am freaking out. I am trying to obtain a free lawyer and will know by the end of the week (fingers crossed).
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Join Date: May 2016
Location: Illinois
Posts: 140
"Hold your head up high. Keep moving forward. Have high hope's and standards for your and your children's futures . It's gonna be good! "-Thank you, I have actually printed this out and I am putting it next to my computer!
I dropped off baby to him inside the police station last night and he came in there like a storm, grabbed her and her bag and car seat and took off the entire time keeping his head down. After he left the officer looked at me with tears in my eyes and I said please open the rest room. I went in, cried, wiped my eyes and headed out to my car. At 8:40PM I left to go pick her up at the same spot inside the station. He was already inside, this time he looked up at me, paused and walked away from her and I much slower this time. The entire night I was a mess. I stayed home and cleaned and ended up crying my eyes out. Reached out to a friend who responded right before I picked my baby up again. This morning I was at work and he sent a picture of the baby from the night before when he had her. Our OP order said no contact with me (petitioner) unless medical or issue with the minor child we have in common. He did it again and the police think it's cute and sweet. Yet, I know in his mind, it's hey-look at this cute photo of our daughter, our daughter we made together and I miss our family. I know this as this was the same cycle that happened and patterns from the last 3 seperations. I am not getting back with this man. The only and I do mean only good part was our sexual chemistry. I'm not even interested in sex with all this emotional stuff going on. Frustrated and still feeling upset.
I dropped off baby to him inside the police station last night and he came in there like a storm, grabbed her and her bag and car seat and took off the entire time keeping his head down. After he left the officer looked at me with tears in my eyes and I said please open the rest room. I went in, cried, wiped my eyes and headed out to my car. At 8:40PM I left to go pick her up at the same spot inside the station. He was already inside, this time he looked up at me, paused and walked away from her and I much slower this time. The entire night I was a mess. I stayed home and cleaned and ended up crying my eyes out. Reached out to a friend who responded right before I picked my baby up again. This morning I was at work and he sent a picture of the baby from the night before when he had her. Our OP order said no contact with me (petitioner) unless medical or issue with the minor child we have in common. He did it again and the police think it's cute and sweet. Yet, I know in his mind, it's hey-look at this cute photo of our daughter, our daughter we made together and I miss our family. I know this as this was the same cycle that happened and patterns from the last 3 seperations. I am not getting back with this man. The only and I do mean only good part was our sexual chemistry. I'm not even interested in sex with all this emotional stuff going on. Frustrated and still feeling upset.
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