I screwed up last night
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 46
I screwed up last night
So I really lost my cool last night and I know I'm out of control and could of jeopardized all I've worked so hard for. I have 7 years of sobriety myself and my last criminal charge I got is almost 10 years old. Last night I could have ruined all of that for myself all because I woke up at 3am so sad and angry that I don't know where heroin addicting is that I got up and drove to the dope house and banged on the door super loud and was in a blind rage thinking I would find him there so I opened the door walked in and proceeded to scream at the top of my lungs "where the f is ....." And had 5 people yelling and threatening me which ended up on the front porch with neighbors seeing this. The neighbors are well aware of this problem house so they could have easily called the cops on me which would have resulted in me getting a burglary charge for entering the residence and I know this from past experience.this then would have lead to me losing my job and downward spiral from there. I haven't done this type of behavior in years. The house made me so sick and the guys wife was high and yelling at me calling me a *****. The pitbull tried to come with me and almost got in my car and wouldn't come to them. Even the dog doesn't want to be there. Yah I know this was an idiot move. Then I drive to the casino which is the all night haven for drug addicts up all night. Walked down every aisle searching with several creeps trying to talk to me. I think the dick part of me was hoping if he finds out I went to this house that he would never ever want me at that he would see that his relapse made me put myself around a dangerous situation that could have got me beat up but the guy ended up yelling that my bf hasn't been there in months because he stole $700 from him back when he was using heavily and before these last months of him being clean. i know I screwed up. My plan and I'm trying to stick to it is a "me" day today doing things that make me feel good like laying in the sun and taking a walk and going to my friends house that I usually avoid because I sit in my own misery thinking about him. This week I plan on going to the codependent group that is 3 blocks away. I walk by it often!! I've got to get over my social anxiety of going to the group alone. Also considering counseling ffor my abandonment issues and obvious low self esteem that I put up with this.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
I've got to get over my social anxiety of going to the group alone.
didn't seem to a be a problem when you walked into the dope house!! which my dear was really a bad idea.....but you know that.
for your own sanity, its time to remove the addict from your life. permanently. wherever he is, whatever he is doing, its HIS business, not yours to worry about for one more minute.
now is the time, and today is the day to get YOU back.
didn't seem to a be a problem when you walked into the dope house!! which my dear was really a bad idea.....but you know that.
for your own sanity, its time to remove the addict from your life. permanently. wherever he is, whatever he is doing, its HIS business, not yours to worry about for one more minute.
now is the time, and today is the day to get YOU back.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Western US
Posts: 9,003
Well Uncaged, in spite of not making the best choice last night, a big congratulations for KNOWING it wasn't a great thing to do and even BETTER, coming here to vent and the BEST part: resolving to do things that make you feel good today!!
I am really impressed at how fast you figured out you needed to turn that ship around, come back to your side of the street and work on you. Please do get to that meeting!!
Final Note: I got a giggle out of the Pitbull trying to get in the car with you. My sense of humor is a bit dark. I do indeed feel badly for that dog.
I am really impressed at how fast you figured out you needed to turn that ship around, come back to your side of the street and work on you. Please do get to that meeting!!
Final Note: I got a giggle out of the Pitbull trying to get in the car with you. My sense of humor is a bit dark. I do indeed feel badly for that dog.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2016
Location: West Virginia
Posts: 158
Sorry your hurting. Give yourself a break and forgive yourself for going crazy. Loving the wrong guy can do that to you. Hope you took special care of yourself today and continue to.
Often the hardest part about attending a meeting or any activity that requires effort is getting there. Just go, sounds like your gut is telling you to...follow that. Tell them about your anxiety. Sometimes admitting it openly helps. Most people are dealing with the same issues as you. Find your strength and take care of you.
Often the hardest part about attending a meeting or any activity that requires effort is getting there. Just go, sounds like your gut is telling you to...follow that. Tell them about your anxiety. Sometimes admitting it openly helps. Most people are dealing with the same issues as you. Find your strength and take care of you.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
My bottom, in codependency, was the night I drove an hour to another town, to a crack house where I knew my son was using. I banged on the door very loudly and threatened to kick it down if they didn't send him out. This was in a very bad part of a city where no mama ought ever go and a very dangerous thing to do, I could easily have been shot.
My son finally came out, we went back to his place where I slept on the sofa and in the morning as I left to drive home, he left to go back to the crack house.
On the way home I started crying so hard I had to pull my car off the highway. I said a prayer and told God that I could not do one more day like that...and immediately felt the burden lifted. From that day on, I have given my son and his addiction to God, to do for him what I cannot.
Uncaged, putting ourselves in harms way to try to save them is dangerous, sick and crazy. Our love cannot stop what they do, if it could not one of us would be here.
Please find the courage to go to that group, to walk in the door. I did nothing but cry my first three meetings but they understood, passed me tissues, and I took comfort in listening to their stories...just like you are listening to mine right now. Meetings will bring you so much peace and help you find a healthier way to live. They literally saved my life.
I hope you reach out and find, what may be the best lifeline you every hung on to.
Hugs
My son finally came out, we went back to his place where I slept on the sofa and in the morning as I left to drive home, he left to go back to the crack house.
On the way home I started crying so hard I had to pull my car off the highway. I said a prayer and told God that I could not do one more day like that...and immediately felt the burden lifted. From that day on, I have given my son and his addiction to God, to do for him what I cannot.
Uncaged, putting ourselves in harms way to try to save them is dangerous, sick and crazy. Our love cannot stop what they do, if it could not one of us would be here.
Please find the courage to go to that group, to walk in the door. I did nothing but cry my first three meetings but they understood, passed me tissues, and I took comfort in listening to their stories...just like you are listening to mine right now. Meetings will bring you so much peace and help you find a healthier way to live. They literally saved my life.
I hope you reach out and find, what may be the best lifeline you every hung on to.
Hugs
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 46
Originally Posted by Ann 
My bottom, in codependency, was the night I drove an hour to another town, to a crack house where I knew my son was using. I banged on the door very loudly and threatened to kick it down if they didn't send him out. This was in a very bad part of a city where no mama ought ever go and a very dangerous thing to do, I could easily have been shot.
My son finally came out, we went back to his place where I slept on the sofa and in the morning as I left to drive home, he left to go back to the crack house.
On the way home I started crying so hard I had to pull my car off the highway. I said a prayer and told God that I could not do one more day like that...and immediately felt the burden lifted. From that day on, I have given my son and his addiction to God, to do for him what I cannot.
Uncaged, putting ourselves in harms way to try to save them is dangerous, sick and crazy. Our love cannot stop what they do, if it could not one of us would be here.
Please find the courage to go to that group, to walk in the door. I did nothing but cry my first three meetings but they understood, passed me tissues, and I took comfort in listening to their stories...just like you are listening to mine right now. Meetings will bring you so much peace and help you find a healthier way to live. They literally saved my life.
I hope you reach out and find, what may be the best lifeline you every hung on to.
Hugs
My son finally came out, we went back to his place where I slept on the sofa and in the morning as I left to drive home, he left to go back to the crack house.
On the way home I started crying so hard I had to pull my car off the highway. I said a prayer and told God that I could not do one more day like that...and immediately felt the burden lifted. From that day on, I have given my son and his addiction to God, to do for him what I cannot.
Uncaged, putting ourselves in harms way to try to save them is dangerous, sick and crazy. Our love cannot stop what they do, if it could not one of us would be here.
Please find the courage to go to that group, to walk in the door. I did nothing but cry my first three meetings but they understood, passed me tissues, and I took comfort in listening to their stories...just like you are listening to mine right now. Meetings will bring you so much peace and help you find a healthier way to live. They literally saved my life.
I hope you reach out and find, what may be the best lifeline you every hung on to.
Hugs
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 46
Originally Posted by Bekindalways
Well Uncaged, in spite of not making the best choice last night, a big congratulations for KNOWING it wasn't a great thing to do and even BETTER, coming here to vent and the BEST part: resolving to do things that make you feel good today!!
I am really impressed at how fast you figured out you needed to turn that ship around, come back to your side of the street and work on you. Please do get to that meeting!!
Final Note: I got a giggle out of the Pitbull trying to get in the car with you. My sense of humor is a bit dark. I do indeed feel badly for that dog.
I am really impressed at how fast you figured out you needed to turn that ship around, come back to your side of the street and work on you. Please do get to that meeting!!
Final Note: I got a giggle out of the Pitbull trying to get in the car with you. My sense of humor is a bit dark. I do indeed feel badly for that dog.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 1,618
I chased my ex into the dope house before a few times. I was more passive agrssive though. You wanna know where that got me?! In the dopehouse right there with him.
Leave him alone. Don't chase the dragon. It will eat you alive
Leave him alone. Don't chase the dragon. It will eat you alive
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
uncaged...I think the dog could feel your distress and pain....I think he was trying to protect you.....
Pitbulls are very sensitive and protective dogs.....
I well know that the worry and fear can lead us to do things that we would never, ever, do in any other situation.....
I congratulate you on gathering your wits about you......
Take care of yourself......he sure is not able to....
dandylion
Pitbulls are very sensitive and protective dogs.....
I well know that the worry and fear can lead us to do things that we would never, ever, do in any other situation.....
I congratulate you on gathering your wits about you......
Take care of yourself......he sure is not able to....
dandylion
Member
Join Date: May 2016
Posts: 53
Uncaged sometimes love will make u do crazy things. I thought the same thing. If i put myself in a dangerous position somehow it will hit them just how bad the situation is..but they dont care. I literally got shot at by a group of gang members when my XABF stole drugs from one of them with me in the car. Ur lucky they didnt take it out on u for the 700 he stole. We r not dealing with normal people. I was lucky and the gun misfired but that was god protecting me and telling me to stop with the madness. But its our love that drives us to do these things. Desperation and a willingness to do anything it takes to get them back. But for now they are gone and just like u I need to go to a meeting as well. Stay strong and know u arent alone.
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