The struggle is over.....
member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: here
Posts: 32
The struggle is over.....
Hello fellow loved ones of addicts. Im here to to first appologize for my absence as it has been awhile since I last posted and was active in here. And secondly to thank all those that helped me through some of the most horrific times of my life. Coming here made a new me and one Im thankful for. As I do not think I would have seeked help for myself and found a life worth living as I was addicted to my loved one. After 20 some years with a heavy heart I am sad to announce my loved one did not make it. Although he struggled to be clean, many rehabs/detoxes and bouts of sobriety his last relapse was his last. I was married to him for over 20 years and we divorced, he found a bottom got help and struggled to stay clean. We remained friends and were actually best friends, just wasn't husband and wife. I got to know him in a way I couldnt as a wife. I know he isnt in any more pain but the day to day pain I feel of his loss is overwhelming at times. But I know his torment of wanting to be clean and sober is over. I know when he was using he told me all he could think about is his family and wanting to be clean to be around us. But when he was clean all he could think about is being high and knew he coudnt have both. So his struggles was tormenting and very sad. But I learned to love him for who he was and he knew when he was using he had to stay away from the family, when he was clean he was amazing and the life of the family unit. Im just here today because I truly feel this place saved me. And although Im hurting Im also at peace because I know his suffering is over. Please pray for my family as we need closure to a lifelong struggle. Some of us are blaming thereselves because they finally 'let go and let god', which is what had to be done or drown with him trying to save him. Everything you can imagine was done, interventions, screaming crying, try to use psycology, calling the police, turning in drug dealers, putting ourselves in harms way, you name it we done it. Nothing worked till he was ready for himself. Well I love you all and ima try to be here more often to share in my experiences and things I learned which was a great deal through here.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Barbie, I am so very sorry for your loss, and sad for all who loved him. 
Your story shows what a good heart you had and reflects with dignity the struggle addicts face daily, sometimes for their entire life...until it ends tragically like this.
My prayers go out for all of you. May he find peace now in the arms of God.
Hugs
Your story shows what a good heart you had and reflects with dignity the struggle addicts face daily, sometimes for their entire life...until it ends tragically like this.
My prayers go out for all of you. May he find peace now in the arms of God.
Hugs
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Minneapolis, MN
Posts: 471
Thank you for posting this. It is what we all fear (I think), and your post reminds me that even if the worst happens, it is at least the end of a struggle for everyone. Prayers for you and your lost loved one. Peace.
Curmudgeon, Electrical Engineer, Guitar God Wannabe
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Where the mighty arms of Atlas hold the heavens from the Earth
Posts: 3,403
It's funny. You joined us in December 2004, but I'm fairly certain that his struggles began before that day. That's more than 11 years of ups and downs for you and for all who loved him. I can't imagine what it's like for you at this moment, 1dayatatime. But I'm thankful that you shared what you shared with us, and I hope that in the days and weeks to come that if you need us, you come to us.
God bless him, you, and all of those who loved him.
God bless him, you, and all of those who loved him.
Administrator
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: a better place
Posts: 4,047
I'm so sorry for your loss and I will keep you and all who loved him in my prayers. I understand the feelings of "maybe if..." that you mention some loved ones are struggling with, but other than being a 24 hour a day guard (which would be horrible for everyone) , I don't believe there is anything that we can do to change the course if he was going to struggle and relapse. I hope in time, they work through the guilt and find peace.
I'm very glad that you understand that and that by letting him go as your husband, you both were able to find each other in a way you could not before. I hope you are comforted by knowing that he knew he was loved.
I'm very glad that you understand that and that by letting him go as your husband, you both were able to find each other in a way you could not before. I hope you are comforted by knowing that he knew he was loved.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Western US
Posts: 8,986
So, so sorry for this terrible loss for you and your family 1day. I hope you all can forgive yourselves and him. May you all heal completely and remember him with compassion.
Prayers for you all. Please take care of yourself as such times bring new challenges and vulnerabilities.
Prayers for you all. Please take care of yourself as such times bring new challenges and vulnerabilities.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: Delray Beach, Florida
Posts: 215
My eyes are welled with tears reading your post. My heart hurts for you because I know you will carry this with you forever. I'm in awe that you were able to separate yourself and your family to be safe and sane. I'm praying for you and your family. You are strong and resilient. Wishing you the most wonderful life
Member
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 46
Sorry for your loss. This is my number one fear. I admire how much you still cared for him and speak highly of him but also how you were able to take a step back and care for your own needs as well. May he rest peacefully knowing how deeply he was loved.
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