"Playful" death threats
 

Last night was my neighbor's birthday. We went to free comedy night at the casino. They kept talking about the pending divorce between my AH and I- how sad it was, how bad they felt for me. They didn't seem to believe it when I said I was perfectly happy- that no matter what the future holds, my being free of him is priceless. Then her husband said something which kinda shocked me.

"Yeah, you know, ******* is an interesting guy, and I really wish him well. But when you're saying things, like 'we should kill (me), I mean, that made me really uncomfortable.'"

I asked him what the context was, and he just seemed really unsure. He said he wanted to believe it was a joke, but it didn't really seem like one, and it came out of nowhere.

I had previously filed for a restraining order for many issues, and this was one of them. He had threatened to take my life many times, but it was always so confusing- most of the time, it was in a playful manner. We'd be kissing, canoodling, and he'd say, "If you ever leave me, I'll kill you." But then there was one time when he said it out of anger, and there were just so many other incidents at the time, that I filed a restraining order. Then he came back with so many promises, and I dropped it. We got back together. Then I came to my senses.

I don't know- something about my neighbor telling me this just chilled my bones. But what do you do? Once you've filed a restraining order and dropped it, you're kind of screwed right?

Side note: I have a lawyer, I just don't want to ask any questions until our next meeting because she charges me up the wazoo for every phone call. And I believe in second opinions!

Anything?

Call the police and tell them what's going on.

Honestly, I would go and file another restraining order. They will give you a temporary restraining order, you might get denied a permanent one but that is another day another issue. This is about your safety in this moment, today.

The other issue that although a restraining order is nice to have, it is really only a piece of paper in the end. Is there anyone you can stay with? Anyway to go somewhere where he won't know your where abouts? It sounds like your neighbor told you for a reason, that he knew it wasn't a joke and that he was actually worried for you safety. The fact that you would be hugging and kissing and he would say "If you leave me i'll kill you" makes me have goose bumps since it comes across as a warning.

I'm sorry you're going through this, do what YOU need to do to keep YOU safe.

I am not sure I'm following the story, but frankly, if you think you need a restraining order you probably do.

Of course, a restraining order only works if someone obeys it. So, caution is important even if you have one.

As far as the neighbor, I would not care who thought badly of me for getting a restraining order if I thought I needed one. You are the one in danger and it is your responsibility to take care of you.

Prayers,

Well, I talked to my lawyer about it. She said she doesn't want to be the one to tell me not to get a restraining order, because if something ever happened that would be on her conscience- but that she didn't think it would benefit me much. She said anything that happens outside of court is "hearsay". I reminded her that my aunt was also willing to testify that she had heard him say it once, but she said without any evidence it likely wouldn't go anywhere.

I don't know that I feel unsafe- but a part of me thinks I've been living in his twisted world for so long that I shouldn't trust my feelings anymore. What I do know for sure is that I don't feel my kids are safe around him. I told her this, and that I did want this brought up in court one way or another. She said it would be- but if it's going to be brought up in court, won't they be wondering why I didn't report it?

I am just baffled by this system, and I don't know that I agree with my lawyer (who is my second lawyer in this case, btw- the first was even worse!)

There are those who follow restraining orders and those who will walk right through them with no regard to the law. Which one do you think he falls under? I am concerned for your safety frankly.

A restraining order would help, and I advise you to get one which will at least let him know that he and his behaviour are being watched. Your part will be to have no contact whatsoever with him, he can communicate through your lawyer if need be.

Yes, there are no safety guarantees, so maybe change your locks, get a security alarm, and do everything you can to protect yourself.

I always take threats seriously, no matter what the context of how they are issued.

Hugs