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Surprise Visitor - For Anyone Whose Addict Has "Replaced" Them

Old 04-16-2016, 09:37 AM
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Surprise Visitor - For Anyone Whose Addict Has "Replaced" Them

Hi all! Funny story to share with you all - especially those, who like me, have been guilty of the thought: "Now that my addict is in recovery, I just know that he's becoming the amazing person that I always knew he was. I hate that they've found someone new and this new person gets to benefit from all of the good while I suffered through all of the bad."

For anyone who isn't familiar with my story, I'll do my best to keep it short. My EXBFA (opiate addict and alcoholic) was in my life for 13 years in total. In a relationship with him for 5 years which ended in late 2014. From late 2014 to late 2015, we continued to "see" each other on a casual basis (mostly instigated by his routine two week middle of the night phone calls professing his undying love to me). Late 2015, it comes to light that for the past year, he had been living a double life - "casually" seeing me while carrying on a "relationship" with another woman (they were actually living together). End of 2015, he goes into recovery and we cease all communication with each other. Early this year, I find out that he and the other woman are back together.

For those of you still reading (sorry for the length!!), here comes the funny part of my story. On Thursday nights, I have a bit of a routine that I stick to. I like to think of it as my "me" night to treat myself. I go to Barre class, I order out the same dinner and binge watch some Netflix. Around 10:00 on Thursday night, sitting alone in my house, enjoying my "me" night, I hear a knock on my front door. Being the scared person that I am, I immediately mute my TV and try to pretend like I'm not home. A minute later, I hear my doorbell ring. Realizing that the person isn't simply going to go away, I pick up my phone and start calling someone (just in case it really is an axe murderer waiting to chop me up). I look through my peep hole and who do I find? My EXBFA. Looking back, I should have just told him to leave. However, being the glutton for punishment that I am, I opened the door and allowed him to come in as far as my front hallway. No further. Now here's where the story is entertaining. I'll try to cut it down as much as possible.

1) He's here to wish me goodbye and good luck (I'm moving to Taiwan in two weeks and he wanted to "wish me goodbye in person")
2) He tells me what's new in his life (he started a new business and is 6 months sober) but fails to own up to the fact that he is back in a relationship with the other woman
3) When he finally owns up to the fact that they are (these are his words) "trying to make it work", he tells me he was lying to me about it so he wouldn't "hurt my feelings"
4) He never owns up to the fact that she is pregnant with his child (oh yeah - he's dug himself a VERY big hole) or the fact that they work together in his new business. Instead he tells me he hired his male friend and some "high school kids".
5) He then attempts to sleep with me THREE times. THREE times. I had to ask him THREE times to please leave as what he wanted (me) was NEVER going to happen. He then had to lock the door behind him as he left because "he knew he would come back in if he didn't lock himself out". Oh trust me, dude, I was double bolting that door behind you.

Of course there was MUCH more to our 30 minute encounter, however, those are the amusing highlights.

Moral of the story: your ex addict may put on the brave face to themselves and the world that they are "recovered" and "happy" and "so in love" with whomever they have replaced you with. However, as I can now attest, that is simply NOT true. The truth of the matter is this: though they may be dry, they are in no way recovered. They are the same lying, cheating, narcissistic people. They aren't happy. In fact, they are miserable. The new love that they've found is not the long lost love that they've always dreamed of - the love that has helped them to "turn their life around". They're merely a distraction and a replacement. They're both living a lie. But now, we get to live our lives free of their lying, cheating, manipulating ways. We are the survivors.
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Old 04-16-2016, 10:28 AM
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BRAVO Curlyq!! Very well said and I'm glad you were smart enough to see through his act. You rock!
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Old 04-16-2016, 06:26 PM
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Amen, Curly! You are not just a survivor. You are a victor! Thank you for writing/sharing. Very well done. You go girl~
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Old 04-16-2016, 06:33 PM
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I kind of gagged a little with the melodramatic locking himself out...he still didn't get that he isn't welcome?

I sort of wish you had a large mean dog right now...
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Old 04-16-2016, 06:42 PM
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So proud of you! I'm beginning to think we all share the same addict. 😃. Big Hugs
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Old 04-17-2016, 11:32 AM
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He then had to lock the door behind him as he left because "he knew he would come back in if he didn't lock himself out".
Eyeroll. Really???

But for you? Applause!!!
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Old 04-17-2016, 03:10 PM
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Finding SR has been such a blessing. Finally having people who UNDERSTAND and don't just empathize with my situation is invaluable. Haha - and yes - at times when I read everyone else's story, I'm half convinced that we really do all share the same addict. They truly are creatures of habit, aren't they?

Thanks, as always, for all of the support and love!!
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Old 04-17-2016, 03:58 PM
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Oh - I almost forgot one of the BEST parts of the conversation. He also mentioned that in addition to the business he JUST started a month ago, he's interested in already starting another one (gotta love my addict. He isn't happy with himself and he isn't happy on the inside, so he constantly tries to manifest happiness from the outside). Get this - his new business - medical marijuana. Riiiiggghhhttt... because that's a GENIUS idea for an former drug addict (and current regular smoker of marijuana). Just keep making those amazing life decisions, dude. I'll be over here, bettering myself and growing as a person.
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Old 04-19-2016, 10:22 AM
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You've chosen a much better path without that two timing double dealing loser! You are a free bird... Spread your wings and fly...
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Old 04-20-2016, 03:50 PM
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The other shoe dropped today. The GF found out he showed up at my house. And called me. That was a fun hour long conversation.

Oh, and it turns out she isn't pregnant. Friends had told me that they had seen a Facebook picture of them together (I don't engage in any social media) and that she appeared to have a large belly - we all assumed she was pregnant. So at least that's a silver lining. No innocent child is being brought into this mess.
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Old 04-21-2016, 09:12 AM
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never accuse a woman of being pregnant until you see the baby coming out!!!
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Old 04-21-2016, 10:26 AM
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Originally Posted by AnvilheadII View Post
never accuse a woman of being pregnant until you see the baby coming out!!!
At Anvill - you are so right! Lesson learned the hard way this time. Never believe what people show you on social media. I feel bad. I almost feel like I owe her an apology. She seems like an extremely nice person. She's too nice - I recognize my past behaviors in her. I hope she finally walks away this time. We both deserve so much more than what the EXBFA can offer right now.
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