mamaof3boyz

I'm so disgusted by my husband's behavior. He complains often he doesn't have any money. I still have access to his bank account and he thinks he's sneaky. Every time he stops by Walmart he purchases the smallest of items and gets cash back. Consistently it's $60, $40 or $20 at a time, with nothing to show for it. I haven't noticed any other signs of relapse on H. No pin point pupils, no nodding out, no euphoric grandiose behaviors. I don't think he is using H. Another concern is his weight loss. He says he has changed his diet and is eating less. Sooooooo...the suspicious part of my brain told me to check his credit card bill. I'm not sure what to think or feel about this, but he has been frequenting a Kava and Kratom bar in my town. He is spending any where between 30 to 60 dollars each time he goes to this bar. And of course it's all behind my back. Just so you know, Kava and Kratom is a plant from the South Pacific. It is known for its euphoric and relaxing effects. In the rehab community this is considered a relapse although considered legal and natural. Many folks in rehab drink this tea as an alternative to their drug of choice. This plant has been banned in many countries due to crimes related to selling, as well as health issues as it can affect your liver very quickly.
I haven't confronted him about it because if he knows I'm aware, he will just give me some stupid excuse for it. Unfortunately I need all the ammo I can get because he says he will fight me for custody of our boys. This whole situation is putting me under such stress. A divorce lawyer said he has a right to 50% of my life savings.....so unfair, especially since he blew all of his money on H. Feeling frustrated and thanks for listening.

glitterdeva

My ex is also a heroin addict and did exact same thing - go to Giant or Walmart or some other store and get $20, $40 out. I didn't catch on for a long time. Kratom in large enough amounts has the same effect as opiate. I mean he is not sober

I am sorry you are going through this. I feel you. I am stuck paying for my ex's health insurance and own like ~12k on the car that he was driving and the bank got it now. It's unfair, but I know that money will come and go, but my sanity if it goes, it ain't coming back

glitterdeva

Oh, and one thing. Ex husband can get high on anything. He was taking Gapabentin like 10 pills a day, Lyrica - about 6 of them a day, suboxone, xanax and, of course, h. When H is not available, anything goes. He found that large amounts of Gaba and lyrica kept him high...When they want to use they will find a way

Ann

Mama, just keep track of his behaviour and get proof when you can (like printouts of the cash-backs), and keep moving forward.

You have children, I think it is unlikely he would get half or even anything if you are the one raising the children. It is doubtful he would be given custody or even visitation rights if he is active in his addiction.

This must be terribly hard for you, my prayers go out for you and your children.

Hugs

zoso77

If you weren't personally suffering so much, I'd find this hilarious due to lack of self awareness and unchecked narcissism. I wish him luck in pursuing custody while he's not in recovery. He's going to need it.

mamaof3boyz

It is hilarious however my attorney told me because I'm the major earner in the house and he can, with an attorney's help force ME to pay his lawyers fees. They also said he will get half of everything and now there is a new law in FL that entitles the father to 50-50 custody until proven otherwise. The cash back on purchases doesn't prove a thing they tell me, and if he is not in active addiction and has shown he has been clean he could get what he wants. This is what I'm told from the attorney, but then again maybe they are looking for a bigger retainer??

mamaof3boyz

Kava is not considered active addiction to most (and judges, attorneys etc) who are unaware of what it means to be sober. Plus it's legal. There is no drug test for Kava but I have collected the credit card statements showing his purchases at the bar.

AnvilheadII

the cash back still demonstrates a big outflow of available cash.

i think i'd want an attorney that was a bit more on the optimistic side cuz THIS guy is going to talk himself out of work!!! nope, the sky is falling, he will get the kids, the cash, the cars, and you'll be living in a box under a bridge. that will be $5000 please.

zoso77

Well, mama...prepare for a hell of a fight. He's going to give you one. Keep your head screwed on straight. When he baits you, ignore him. The best way to deal with someone like this is to give them enough room to self destruct. And as sure as the sun's going to shine, he will.

Keep us posted.

Ann

I agree with both Anvil and Zoso. My suggestion would be to talk to a women's shelter or a women's rights advocate and have your rights clarified and perhaps connect with a lawyer ready to fight for you....maybe a woman lawyer.

And I think too think he will self-destruct, he may be using "legal" highs right now but if you read around or go up a few forums to the addiction forums, you will see that this doesn't take long to lead them right back to their drug of choice.

Protect yourself and your children, and your future at all costs. Don't let him bully you, just take very good care of yourself.

Hugs

mamaof3boyz

So true Ann. He is a bully but does it in such a covert way. It's hard to explain even to my closest friends. One minute he is miserable and taking out his frustrations on me, when I call him out, then he starts with the nice gestures, flowers etc. Wants a gold star or a medal for it, then goes back to his old ways and says it's because I'm not putting an effort in to the marriage. He is right, but how can I knowing he is lying through his teeth? Does he really think he can do this to me? Apparently the answer is yes

JOIE12

this is the continued craziness of addiction MO3B. He's not doing it to you .. he's just doing it. There is one goal for him.

I've been where you are. Wishing you strength to get thru this. We are here anytime you need us.

Hugs,
Joie