New and trying to take it one day at a time...
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Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: East Coast
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The only thing that makes me think that this relationship may last is the fact that the girl he is with is a social worker. . Once he came clean to both of us about the double life, she began e-mailing me and diagnosing his dual-diagnosis. She basically blamed me for the entire thing and tried to psycho-analyze me as well.
Frankly, what she did strikes me as very cocky.
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Join Date: Mar 2016
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PuzzledHeart. Thank you!! I was floored. She had completed stalked my entire online profile. Found the online business that I run in my spare time and everything. She then began telling me every little bad thing that his family had ever said about me. She told me that my love was "hard" (which admittedly, our relationship was hard. It was hard because I was trying to make a relationship work with a drug addict and an alcoholic) and that it didn't have to be. She then went on to tell me that I made her relationship "hard". She implied that I was the problem. Not him. Me. Not the man who had lied and cheated on her. Me.
The more I talk about it out loud, the angrier it makes me.
The more I talk about it out loud, the angrier it makes me.
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Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 275
Originally Posted by Curlyq268 
thanks so much for your kind words and encouragement. though we've never met in person, it truly means a lot.
the worse part of this whole situation is that deep down, I am so hurt. I wish I could be angry at him. I wish I could scream and yell and curse the day that I met him. I wish that I could blame him for all of this hurt that I am going through. However, the truth of the matter is that this is no more his fault than it is my own. It is the disease. And I allowed myself to become consumed by it. I allowed myself to stay.
Coincidentally, my company offered me an international position a few months ago, right around the time that our no contact began. I will be moving in two months. The timing could not be any worse or any better.
Again, thank you so much for your kind words. Reading your stories and knowing your strength lets me know that I will overcome this hurt one day.
the worse part of this whole situation is that deep down, I am so hurt. I wish I could be angry at him. I wish I could scream and yell and curse the day that I met him. I wish that I could blame him for all of this hurt that I am going through. However, the truth of the matter is that this is no more his fault than it is my own. It is the disease. And I allowed myself to become consumed by it. I allowed myself to stay.
Coincidentally, my company offered me an international position a few months ago, right around the time that our no contact began. I will be moving in two months. The timing could not be any worse or any better.
Again, thank you so much for your kind words. Reading your stories and knowing your strength lets me know that I will overcome this hurt one day.
One day at the time, sister. I am also starting back in Al-anon. Love and hugs
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Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 275
Originally Posted by Curlyq268
PuzzledHeart. Thank you!! I was floored. She had completed stalked my entire online profile. Found the online business that I run in my spare time and everything. She then began telling me every little bad thing that his family had ever said about me. She told me that my love was "hard" (which admittedly, our relationship was hard. It was hard because I was trying to make a relationship work with a drug addict and an alcoholic) and that it didn't have to be. She then went on to tell me that I made her relationship "hard". She implied that I was the problem. Not him. Me. Not the man who had lied and cheated on her. Me.
The more I talk about it out loud, the angrier it makes me.
The more I talk about it out loud, the angrier it makes me.
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Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 137
She then began telling me every little bad thing that his family had ever said about me. She told me that my love was "hard" . She implied that I was the problem. Not him. Me.
I think my ex had dual dualisis too .. I made that judgement by reading at the unternet. BUT I am not an psychologist and it only made me understand his ex with whome ny ex had son.
Take care and keep in mind that sociak worker is not some guarantee to success necessarily. Got knows who that girl is. She definitely crossed boundaries.. Seems crazy she is sending you all that ****. I dont even think she is right.
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Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: East Coast
Posts: 1,235
She had completed stalked my entire online profile. Found the online business that I run in my spare time and everything. She then began telling me every little bad thing that his family had ever said about me. She told me that my love was "hard" (which admittedly, our relationship was hard. It was hard because I was trying to make a relationship work with a drug addict and an alcoholic) and that it didn't have to be. She then went on to tell me that I made her relationship "hard". She implied that I was the problem. Not him. Me. Not the man who had lied and cheated on her. Me.
That said, I definitely agree with glitter and MAYA. Block her, and don't look back.
And this is the second time I've posted this on SR, but you may want to read this. And take the time to read Part II as well.
A Super Strange True Love Story: My Disappearing Fiancé ? Narratively
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Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 137
She then began telling me every little bad thing that his family had ever said about me. She told me that my love was "hard" . She implied that I was the problem. Not him. Me.
I think my ex had dual dualisis too.. I made that judgement by reading at the internet. BUT I am not an psychologist and it only made me understand his ex with whom he has son.
Take care and keep in mind that sociak worker is not some guarantee to success necessarily. Got knows who that girl is. She definitely crossed boundaries.. Seems crazy she is sending you all that. I dont even think she is right.
Social worker should know that being in relationship with an drug addict who didnt heal is head only toward one direction. But perhaps she never lived that experience herself hence its easy for her to judge you. Wish her luck. She will need it.
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Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Western US
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Originally Posted by Curlyq268
You guys are so right. As much as it hurts to see him happy and know that I'm missing out on it, I know deep down inside that this happiness is fleeting. Even though all I've ever wanted for him is to be happy, if he hasn't done the hard work to work on himself/his coping skills/the underlying reason for his addictions, it will only be a matter of time before those demons resurface.
The only thing that makes me think that this relationship may last is the fact that the girl he is with is a social worker. Once he came clean to both of us about the double life, she began e-mailing me and diagnosing his dual-diagnosis. She basically blamed me for the entire thing and tried to psycho-analyze me as well. Maybe he's found his perfect match. Someone who enjoys dealing with a little bit of crazy... Oh well....on to bigger and better things for the remainder of my day. Thanks as always for all of the love and support!
The only thing that makes me think that this relationship may last is the fact that the girl he is with is a social worker. Once he came clean to both of us about the double life, she began e-mailing me and diagnosing his dual-diagnosis. She basically blamed me for the entire thing and tried to psycho-analyze me as well. Maybe he's found his perfect match. Someone who enjoys dealing with a little bit of crazy... Oh well....on to bigger and better things for the remainder of my day. Thanks as always for all of the love and support!
Keep doing what you are doing Curly. You got this.
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Join Date: Mar 2016
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BeKind - yes. You've hit the nail on the head. It is so bad that it's good. The more I read it with my own eyes and the more that I talk about it out loud, the more I see the sheer craziness of the entire situation. I question how I allowed my life to come to this insane point. However, live and learn, right? Onward and upward for me. Grateful as always for your kind words and well wishes. Second Al-Anon meeting tonight. Maybe I'll work up the guts to share this time...Happy Monday All!
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Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: America
Posts: 4,136
Every single day you are away from that twisted relationship is progress. You are out of it and your life can only get better from here. Try not to think about the other woman, but if you do, just think of what she will have to deal with: an addict who will put her through hell.
Sometimes we feel like we have been to hell. But the good news is we can make a U-turn and change our direction for the better. You are doing that and sometimes it will feel like you are making progress quite well and other times not so much. That's okay. Every day is not going to be the same. Hang in there on the blah days.
Sometimes we feel like we have been to hell. But the good news is we can make a U-turn and change our direction for the better. You are doing that and sometimes it will feel like you are making progress quite well and other times not so much. That's okay. Every day is not going to be the same. Hang in there on the blah days.
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Join Date: Mar 2016
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Was having a rough day today. Was really missing my EXBFA. Missing who he is as a person, feeling reminded of him all day today. Of course that got into my head and I started to wonder why I wasn't strong to enough to create boundaries and walk away. I tried in the beginning, but never stuck to any of the boundaries that I set. All my life, I always viewed myself as a very strong and independent woman. Where had that woman gone the past six years? Suddenly, it hit me. She was here all along.
Food for thought: It takes a very strong person to support not only her busy life but the busy and crumbling life an addict for a long period of time. It takes an incredible amount of strength to go through what we have all gone through. We need to stop beating ourselves up and stop thinking of ourselves as weak. In the end, I think we are the strongest survivors of all.
Food for thought: It takes a very strong person to support not only her busy life but the busy and crumbling life an addict for a long period of time. It takes an incredible amount of strength to go through what we have all gone through. We need to stop beating ourselves up and stop thinking of ourselves as weak. In the end, I think we are the strongest survivors of all.
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Join Date: Mar 2016
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The worst part of this whole process is the set backs. I was sitting at work today, mindlessly scrolling on Instagram when up pops a picture of my EXBFA. A picture of him that was taken when we were together. I can still recall the day, time, reason it was taken, every little detail of the picture. Mind you, we don't follow each other on Instagram, but I've blocked him just so that things like this wouldn't happen. Turns out it popped up under his new business' Instagram. Why would this pop up in my "people you may know" search? Who knows. I don't follow anyone in his family. Yet, there he is. ALWAYS finding a way to pop back into my life. And then the weight and reality of the situation hits me again. Like a ton of bricks. And I'm sent back into a tail spin of missing him. Tears welling up in my eyes. Deep breath. This too one day shall pass. Looking for the strength to pick myself back up and continue on with my day.
Thanks for listening!
Thanks for listening!
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Join Date: Mar 2016
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UPDATE: found out the reason why he suddenly left and went back to the other girl. drumroll please.....
she's pregnant. nothing but the best of thoughts for their new family and his (hopeful!) continued sobriety. however, can't stop thinking that i seriously dodged a bullet.
all things happen for a reason...
she's pregnant. nothing but the best of thoughts for their new family and his (hopeful!) continued sobriety. however, can't stop thinking that i seriously dodged a bullet.
all things happen for a reason...
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Join Date: Jan 2016
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Oh, that poor child.
In a twisted, sad way, though, maybe it easier to know that it's really over? Not easy, certainly, but that would certainly be the last straw for me.
Sending you a hug and wishes for brighter days soon...
In a twisted, sad way, though, maybe it easier to know that it's really over? Not easy, certainly, but that would certainly be the last straw for me.
Sending you a hug and wishes for brighter days soon...
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Join Date: Mar 2016
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Aries - You're totally correct. It doesn't make it any easier. In fact, in some ways it makes it somewhat harder because it is truly, truly over this time. Which is exactly what I needed. It's FINALLY over.
My friends and family tell me not to feel bad for them. But I can't help but feel bad for them. I would never want someone to be with me just because I'm having a baby. And yet, that's exactly where they are. Together out of default. It's a really sad situation.
My heart still hurts. It probably hurts now more than ever. I know it will just take time. Just wish it would happen sooner rather than later. It's so hard to let go of someone that you loved SO SO much.
Appreciate all of the support and love you all have to offer! Hoping for sunnier days to come sooner rather than later.
My friends and family tell me not to feel bad for them. But I can't help but feel bad for them. I would never want someone to be with me just because I'm having a baby. And yet, that's exactly where they are. Together out of default. It's a really sad situation.
My heart still hurts. It probably hurts now more than ever. I know it will just take time. Just wish it would happen sooner rather than later. It's so hard to let go of someone that you loved SO SO much.
Appreciate all of the support and love you all have to offer! Hoping for sunnier days to come sooner rather than later.
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: USA
Posts: 574
Curly,
I'm glad that you are here and that you have such strength.
Please do not expend energy for people who do not value life and honesty. This is their choice.
Yours will bring you to a different path, while bringing along all of the things you have learned.
You have grown and will continue, helping others as you share.
I wish you every happiness.
Hugs my friend
Joie
I'm glad that you are here and that you have such strength.
Please do not expend energy for people who do not value life and honesty. This is their choice.
Yours will bring you to a different path, while bringing along all of the things you have learned.
You have grown and will continue, helping others as you share.
I wish you every happiness.
Hugs my friend
Joie
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Join Date: Mar 2016
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Joie - Your strength and wisdom are truly an inspiration. I hope to be half as strong as you next year at this time. Thank you for sharing your insights and your knowledge. Being able to share on this forum has truly been a God send. The ability to share without judgment, something that I've been unable to do the past 6 years, has been a huge help to my healing process.
Throughout the past 6 years, I vehemently protected my EXBFA. Everyone else thought so little of him that I felt the need to constantly protect him thereby forcing all of my feelings and thoughts deep down inside of me. Being able to finally let these feelings go has been invaluable.
Hugs to you, as well, during this difficult time!
Curly
Throughout the past 6 years, I vehemently protected my EXBFA. Everyone else thought so little of him that I felt the need to constantly protect him thereby forcing all of my feelings and thoughts deep down inside of me. Being able to finally let these feelings go has been invaluable.
Hugs to you, as well, during this difficult time!
Curly
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