I am scared :(
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
HE has a choice.....the same one all us addicts have faced......it's called the jumping off point.....do i JUMP OFF now and stop this insanity......OR do i keep clinging to the runaway train heading for the brick wall?
as an addict i can say, there are a LOT of those moments......GO? STOP? one more? no more? he does not have just ONE chance to arrest his addiction, he has many. you did not take away his power of choice, you simply removed ONE choice - coming back home....which is not a SOLUTION to his PROBLEM, only a change of address.
people get sober all the time and in a thousand different ways. recovery IS possible. but only if the ADDICT starts driving the sober bus.
as an addict i can say, there are a LOT of those moments......GO? STOP? one more? no more? he does not have just ONE chance to arrest his addiction, he has many. you did not take away his power of choice, you simply removed ONE choice - coming back home....which is not a SOLUTION to his PROBLEM, only a change of address.
people get sober all the time and in a thousand different ways. recovery IS possible. but only if the ADDICT starts driving the sober bus.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: USA
Posts: 574
My exABF used to use the 'dying' card all of the time.
They have common claims, comments, threats ....
"I swear on my ______'s life"
"I think I'm going to die, I can feel it ... "
"I should kill myself, I should just kill myself ... "
"I have no where to go, I have no food, no money, no car, no job .... "
The list goes on and on.
Sure they feel death ... because it's knocking on their door.
They use every situation to get something from anyone they can. It's the nature of the beast. Heroin takes over the mind. The addict, during a binge, can totally lose their mind. They have no idea where they are, what happened to their stuff, when they last ate ... any drug can cause a psychosis. The psychosis allows them to keep using, large amounts so long as they have access to more of their DOC.
Eventually, you know that when you make a decision, it will not matter what happens to him because you are literally fighting for your OWN life. Your children deserve a whole mom and a whole life.
You can do this. So many of us here ... have lived to tell the tale.
Please keep coming back and try a meeting in your area if you have not already. Police always advise as they wish, never the real truth and don't call me sexist because I've met female officers who think other women are weak but most police officers are men, and they don't think about what is good for you. I had an officer in my home while my husband at the time had broken a full glass door, exploding into the room, sliced his hand up badly, including deep lacerations into wrist veins (bleeding profusely), choked me, suffocated me, was going to rape me - - well, the officer said 'why do you aggravate him when he comes home'
That was the end of letting someone else be my 'salvation' ... I learned to do it on my own ! Self defense, trained concealed carry, pepper spray, koga, body knives, tanto spikes, fake hairbrush spike, key chain spike knife ... be your own defense, police are not always around. Talk to a lawyer, use of household since you have the children, record his behavior without his knowledge, log all daily events, plan plan plan ... a safe exit and safe survival afterwards are the most important. If I can do it, anyone can. You just have to WANT it enough !
My heart is with you and I wish you great strength during this difficult time. There really is peace beyond the fear and unhappiness.
Hugs
Joie
They have common claims, comments, threats ....
"I swear on my ______'s life"
"I think I'm going to die, I can feel it ... "
"I should kill myself, I should just kill myself ... "
"I have no where to go, I have no food, no money, no car, no job .... "
The list goes on and on.
Sure they feel death ... because it's knocking on their door.
They use every situation to get something from anyone they can. It's the nature of the beast. Heroin takes over the mind. The addict, during a binge, can totally lose their mind. They have no idea where they are, what happened to their stuff, when they last ate ... any drug can cause a psychosis. The psychosis allows them to keep using, large amounts so long as they have access to more of their DOC.
Eventually, you know that when you make a decision, it will not matter what happens to him because you are literally fighting for your OWN life. Your children deserve a whole mom and a whole life.
You can do this. So many of us here ... have lived to tell the tale.
Please keep coming back and try a meeting in your area if you have not already. Police always advise as they wish, never the real truth and don't call me sexist because I've met female officers who think other women are weak but most police officers are men, and they don't think about what is good for you. I had an officer in my home while my husband at the time had broken a full glass door, exploding into the room, sliced his hand up badly, including deep lacerations into wrist veins (bleeding profusely), choked me, suffocated me, was going to rape me - - well, the officer said 'why do you aggravate him when he comes home'
That was the end of letting someone else be my 'salvation' ... I learned to do it on my own ! Self defense, trained concealed carry, pepper spray, koga, body knives, tanto spikes, fake hairbrush spike, key chain spike knife ... be your own defense, police are not always around. Talk to a lawyer, use of household since you have the children, record his behavior without his knowledge, log all daily events, plan plan plan ... a safe exit and safe survival afterwards are the most important. If I can do it, anyone can. You just have to WANT it enough !
My heart is with you and I wish you great strength during this difficult time. There really is peace beyond the fear and unhappiness.
Hugs
Joie
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: East Coast
Posts: 1,235
I'm so sorry glitterdeva that you have to go through this.
What Anvilhead said reminded me of something...
I used to be a computer instructor many years ago. Some of my students had a history of abusing drugs, including heroin.
One student in particular sticks out in my mind. I still have a sweet spot for him today. He used heroin for god knows how many years - track marks up and down his arms. He lost a good portion of his teeth. He most likely fried all the synapses in his brain shooting up, because this man could not sit still (Or maybe he had ADHD to begin with). The entire class rallied up and we all worked to help him get through the days ahead.
Anyway, I always liked to shoot the breeze with my students during breaks, and so that was the case with this man. He told me about his drug use. He told me he was a grandpa. And he told me that he had quit heroin for good after years of trying.
I asked him what had led him to that decision.
"My children and grandchildren refused to talk to me anymore, then one day I looked in the mirror and I saw why. And I swore I would do anything to get them back. And that's why I signed up for rehab."
So now, with everything going on in my sister, I think about him a lot. He didn't say "my family begged me to sign up for rehab and that's why I went." It was only when his family drew the line that he woke up and decided to go.
You took away one choice. He said to your mom "I'll go to rehab if she let's me come back." If he was truly committed to rehab he would go regardless of what you did. He would do anything to earn your trust again. Right now he's committed to dying in slow motion, and he's placing the blame on you in a way that places a wedge between you and his mom. So you're so busy fighting each other that you don't bring attention to what's really killing him - his addiction. It's almost brilliant if it wasn't so cruel.
Again, I'm so sorry that you have to go through this.
What Anvilhead said reminded me of something...
HE has a choice.....the same one all us addicts have faced......it's called the jumping off point.....do i JUMP OFF now and stop this insanity......OR do i keep clinging to the runaway train heading for the brick wall?
One student in particular sticks out in my mind. I still have a sweet spot for him today. He used heroin for god knows how many years - track marks up and down his arms. He lost a good portion of his teeth. He most likely fried all the synapses in his brain shooting up, because this man could not sit still (Or maybe he had ADHD to begin with). The entire class rallied up and we all worked to help him get through the days ahead.
Anyway, I always liked to shoot the breeze with my students during breaks, and so that was the case with this man. He told me about his drug use. He told me he was a grandpa. And he told me that he had quit heroin for good after years of trying.
I asked him what had led him to that decision.
"My children and grandchildren refused to talk to me anymore, then one day I looked in the mirror and I saw why. And I swore I would do anything to get them back. And that's why I signed up for rehab."
So now, with everything going on in my sister, I think about him a lot. He didn't say "my family begged me to sign up for rehab and that's why I went." It was only when his family drew the line that he woke up and decided to go.
You took away one choice. He said to your mom "I'll go to rehab if she let's me come back." If he was truly committed to rehab he would go regardless of what you did. He would do anything to earn your trust again. Right now he's committed to dying in slow motion, and he's placing the blame on you in a way that places a wedge between you and his mom. So you're so busy fighting each other that you don't bring attention to what's really killing him - his addiction. It's almost brilliant if it wasn't so cruel.
Again, I'm so sorry that you have to go through this.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 275
Thank you for praying for me, a miracle happened or not, I am still not sure. I have not heard or seen AH since Tuesday, took the car, police can't do anything. I tried to let it go, not think about it, if he dies he dies, I am not God. I have to take care of my children, dogs, house, I have exams, i have to be sane. So I woke up with a panic attack on Friday at 4 am, like, I FEEL he is going to die. Long story short, I randomly reached out to someone on FB who was able to find AH. He returned the car (no drama, or anything crazy). He is in rehab, stopped by the house to get his stuff and looked completely insane. I mean INSANE - crack and heroin. His whole arms were in bruises from the needle and whole neck too. I don't know how you can do so much in 4 days. His mother took him to the airport and shipped him off to some Las Vegas rehab. I changed my number, changed locks, and seeing lawyer tomorrow at 11 am. I found stuff in the car, which makes me think that he did cheat, I don't know for sure. But its eating me inside.
I took one of the exams, not sure how and now need to prepare for another. I am drinking wine, can't eat, started smoking again, no gym, lost weight, feel like kidneys are going to fall off
Did this all just happen to me? My husband gets up from bed, says I love you see you soon, and then dumps me like some old dog in a shelter and gone. If I didn't reach out and find him, he still would be there, in some crackhouse.
Well, that's that. Thank you, everyone
I took one of the exams, not sure how and now need to prepare for another. I am drinking wine, can't eat, started smoking again, no gym, lost weight, feel like kidneys are going to fall off
Did this all just happen to me? My husband gets up from bed, says I love you see you soon, and then dumps me like some old dog in a shelter and gone. If I didn't reach out and find him, he still would be there, in some crackhouse.
Well, that's that. Thank you, everyone
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