Holding myself accountable
 

Holding myself accountable

So today is March 1st. I am in such an interesting state of mind. Bomb went off today. Ah is not sober and does not want to be. I read on here let go or be dragged. So i guess its let go. AH is so good at the lies I doubt my own sanity at times. I feel like I want to be mad but I am not. I am taking my part in this.

I have an active addict in my home and am trying to survive. He was 100 percent sober 90 days ago. Yes im sure he was in a great rehab and passing drug tests and really showing improvements. Fast forward to now and even though we were separated for nearly two years here we are again.

We are essentially where we were when i left. He is high and lying about everything. Pawning and manipulating and the whole shebang.

Whats different? Me. I am stronger than i was. Not able to put him out today but i am ready to see him go and have set my own deadline. I am preparing myself to follow t through because in the short time we reconciled i realized this is not living.

He has made the choice to continue using drugs and subsequently end his marriage. You can't have both. Its not possible to have a home with an addict. I know know that and know that i don't want to live like this.

I love my ah however i am not prepared to live the rest of my life in this struggle. I am working out my plan and will live a happy life without him. I know that is possible and thanks for listening.


Any esh is appreciated.

I wish you nothing but the best peacelovesober. I'm sorry things didn't work out well for the both of you, but you sound strong and determined. Good for you!

sometimes the hardest part is the deciding to make the change ~ once the decision is made the rest seems to fall into place

wishing you the best as you decide what is healthiest for you

When two people make the decision to marry, I imagine neither person ever envisions a situation that you currently find yourself in. Unfortunately, as soon as someone gives themselves permission to experiment with drugs and they end up addicted, the other person is left in a position where all their options are certain to bring their fair share of pain.

So that's where your at. If you're looking for the escape hatch, whatever relief you feel from using it will be tempered by the pain of a part of your life coming to an end, and there's no ducking it. You have to ride that out. The good news is it does get a little bit better as time goes on. Your life, while not what you really wanted, can still be rewarding and fulfilling if you do things to make it so.

But remember: if enough is enough, hold firm, carry out your plan, and don't fall for any line of crap he hurls your way. For as you're now aware, he lies...