thinking of leaving your relationship? my thoughts
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 160
thinking of leaving your relationship? my thoughts
This is sort of an update post:
1) separated from ah for two and a half years, and so far it has been excellent for both of us:
2) we both have lovely new partners,
3) kids have NOT been at all messed up from divorce and love all four stable parents who work at being a team
4) xah has stayed clean and has been doing better in all areas of life, thanks to awesome new stepmom and especially because of not being in our bad codependant relationship. Maybe leaving him was the key for him.
i love my new man so much. But lately we have been having ridiculously big fights. Really angry, awful, bad ones. Its possible we might even break up. YET, AT NO TIME EVER, EVEN AT THE WORST, DOES THIS RELATIONSHIP EVER MAKE ME FEEL HOPELESS OR TERRIFIED OR TRAPPED OR DOOMED.
The reason i had to post was because I want to emphasize how all the reasons i was afraid to leave were unfounded. Even in the first, hardest months when everything was frighteningly new and overwhelming, it was always better. That was regular, predictable life stress about chores, kids, money, etc., not the random nuclear bombs that used to go off in my home.
I am sad tonight after a fight. But it is a gloriously boring, delightfully uneventful, wonderfully ordinary thing that has made me feel this way.
I feel really lucky.
When i first came here i was too afraid of leaving my addict, afraid of how hard it would be to manage everything. But i can safely say now that nothing is ever so bad as how dark being alone IN that relationship was. Nothing that stresses me out comes close to that fear and anger. So if you are trying to make up your own mind... just don't let fear of the unknown make the decision for you.
1) separated from ah for two and a half years, and so far it has been excellent for both of us:
2) we both have lovely new partners,
3) kids have NOT been at all messed up from divorce and love all four stable parents who work at being a team
4) xah has stayed clean and has been doing better in all areas of life, thanks to awesome new stepmom and especially because of not being in our bad codependant relationship. Maybe leaving him was the key for him.
i love my new man so much. But lately we have been having ridiculously big fights. Really angry, awful, bad ones. Its possible we might even break up. YET, AT NO TIME EVER, EVEN AT THE WORST, DOES THIS RELATIONSHIP EVER MAKE ME FEEL HOPELESS OR TERRIFIED OR TRAPPED OR DOOMED.
The reason i had to post was because I want to emphasize how all the reasons i was afraid to leave were unfounded. Even in the first, hardest months when everything was frighteningly new and overwhelming, it was always better. That was regular, predictable life stress about chores, kids, money, etc., not the random nuclear bombs that used to go off in my home.
I am sad tonight after a fight. But it is a gloriously boring, delightfully uneventful, wonderfully ordinary thing that has made me feel this way.
I feel really lucky.
When i first came here i was too afraid of leaving my addict, afraid of how hard it would be to manage everything. But i can safely say now that nothing is ever so bad as how dark being alone IN that relationship was. Nothing that stresses me out comes close to that fear and anger. So if you are trying to make up your own mind... just don't let fear of the unknown make the decision for you.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Texas
Posts: 251
Originally Posted by sevenofnine 
When i first came here i was too afraid of leaving my addict, afraid of how hard it would be to manage everything. But i can safely say now that nothing is ever so bad as how dark being alone IN that relationship was. Nothing that stresses me out comes close to that fear and anger. So if you are trying to make up your own mind... just don't let fear of the unknown make the decision for you.
I moved into an apartment with my two kids (from a previous relationship). It still sometimes feels like I am living in a hotel..strangely new....but I am slowly decorating it to feel more like home.
Even though I know leaving him was the best decision for my kids I still have my sad moments...I do miss him...but I don't miss the drama that went with the alcoholism. Thanks again for posting. It does get easier.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
