Curiousity killed the cat
 

It's commonly known that addicts shouldn't date others in early recovery because they need to work on themselves forthmost..

With this being said and supported in many different places, why do I see my ex addict and his new friends from rehab all with new girlfriends from their rehab center or recovery programs? Mainly, why would someone break up with their long term relationship to "focus on themself" but then turn around and date someone new they met in rehab?

Doesn't make very much sense to me

I hear about this happening a lot, and all I know from seeing my AB thru many years of addiction is that they need to have someone (bf or gf) who holds them in the highest regard around them. They hate being alone/single and my guess with why rehab gfs or bfs is commonality. They relate to each other and feel they are in it (recovery or struggle) together?

It makes total sense to me. Addicts are looking for something to replace their DOC and by being in a relationship it allows them not having to focus on who they are and what a mess their lives have become.

Their lives are unmanageable so they want to share it with someone else

I saw this today Linzey and thought of you. Excerpt is below.

http://nymag.com/thecut/2016/02/ask-...ntrolling.html

"You also learned that when you try to babysit and "save" someone else, you're the one who ends up feeling the most exhausted, the most crazy, the most lonely. You're constantly worrying about whether he'll do the things he's supposed to do. You're consumed by his choices. You're completely distracted from your own concerns. All that matters is him. But as a result, it's very easy for you to feel incredibly unappreciated and angry. Because look at all the energy you're putting into this! Why isn't he grateful? How dare he not be grateful for all that you do for him?

Which leads us to the most important lesson of all: You've learned that when you're a parole officer, instead of expressing gratitude for your tireless work, most parolees will blame you for everything that's wrong in their lives instead. You've lost sleep and worked your ass off to save this person, and what you get in return is a big F$#@ YOU, YOU'RE THE PROBLEM. Who wouldn't be confused and upset by that?"

It doesn't make sense because you're not looking at it from the addict's perspective.

Those in the Fellowship form very intense bonds over shared experiences rather quickly. They can relate to and with each other really well. But it's also true that the boundaries of an addict suck, so as intense as those bonds are, they really aren't at all appropriate. As much as we'd like to think otherwise, meetings can often be insalubrious.

It's a lot of work monitoring yourself and making good decisions, even for non-addicts. For addicts new to recovery, it's especially difficult. But then again, what he does really isn't really your concern. Your gig is to watch yourself.