Help relapse
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 167
Help relapse
My son relapsed after 11 months. My deal as the mom was he could live here as long as he stayed sober. I told him to leave today. Hardest mom step in the universe but after 10 months in a sober living clearly this home is not safe for him... Or I guess too safe for him and comfortable. Why is there still so much guilt Should I have let him stay?
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,908
No, again. You did the right thing. He knew the rules and you upheld your boundaries. I know that doesn't make it any easier for a Mom, but you did do the right thing.
Welcome to SR. You will find a lot of support here.
Welcome to SR. You will find a lot of support here.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 167
Originally Posted by suki44883 
No, again. You did the right thing. He knew the rules and you upheld your boundaries. I know that doesn't make it any easier for a Mom, but you did do the right thing.
Welcome to SR. You will find a lot of support here.
Welcome to SR. You will find a lot of support here.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,780
Welcome! You did the right thing to uphold your boundaries. He has to learn there are consequences for his actions. He broke the rules, now he's out of there and will have to fend for himself.
Don't feel guilty. Sometimes the loving thing is the hardest thing to do.
You did the right thing to uphold your boundaries. He has to learn there are consequences for his actions. He broke the rules, now he's out of there and will have to fend for himself. Don't feel guilty. Sometimes the loving thing is the hardest thing to do.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 167
Im not sure to be honest He said one time Has been home since xmas and back in school and a job. his brother noticed something last week and the next day I tested him and it was hot. He said it was a 1x bad day. but was high when he was home the next day so maybe it was turning into a run. I said get help stop now you know your program but since he has been back to this area at his young 22 yr age didn't really focus on his program Felt like he could come back to familiar area and drug scene and walk thru it based on the work he had done. so he was humbled in less than 45 days. How do you know? my old side wanted so much to say ok wrap it up you know what to do and see how it played out give him the opportunity to relapse and work thru it but then I show my other two that I didn't stick to the boundaries of the house.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: East Coast
Posts: 1,235
My sister and my cousin both have drug problems. Although my sister has battled her condition for twenty plus years, I can say looking back that the greatest period of personal growth for her was when my parents kicked her out of the house. The reason why? Because SOMEBODY ELSE was telling her that she needed to get her act together.
I bring up my cousin because his parents are especially wealthy and gave him everything even as he continued on his downward spiral. The last time my parents came to visit, he had set up a tent in the middle of my aunt and uncle's living room and was selling his stuff on Craigslist, which meant random people were walking in and out of the house. He had also physically abused his two younger siblings and sent the mother of his child to the hospital. Everybody was begging them to kick him out - because it was painfully obvious to everyone that keeping the status quo wasn't working at all.
You've got two other children and you need to stick up for them too.
I bring up my cousin because his parents are especially wealthy and gave him everything even as he continued on his downward spiral. The last time my parents came to visit, he had set up a tent in the middle of my aunt and uncle's living room and was selling his stuff on Craigslist, which meant random people were walking in and out of the house. He had also physically abused his two younger siblings and sent the mother of his child to the hospital. Everybody was begging them to kick him out - because it was painfully obvious to everyone that keeping the status quo wasn't working at all.
You've got two other children and you need to stick up for them too.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 1,698
You did the right thing
Hi. I have let our son come home three times and he relapsed EVERY time. I now step back and let him be surrounded by his program. He is doing well and knows that the safety net is gone. It's very hard to kick our kids out, but they do have the opportunity to choose recovery OR the painful path of addiction
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 167
Originally Posted by Ilovemysonjj
Hi. I have let our son come home three times and he relapsed EVERY time. I now step back and let him be surrounded by his program. He is doing well and knows that the safety net is gone. It's very hard to kick our kids out, but they do have the opportunity to choose recovery OR the painful path of addiction
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 167
My son has now decided to pursue an injection to subside the cravings etc instead of work the program get the sponsor live in sober living Quick fix as always has anyone ever had experience with vivatrol?
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: East Coast
Posts: 1,235
I don't have experience with vivatrol. But this podcast may be of interest to you, but it's a tough listen.
The Fix - Radiolab
Goes through the pros of using drugs to fight drug addiction, BUT they also discuss how that's only half the battle. The story of Billy is of particular interest. Warning: It's not exactly pro-AA - you can read the comments to see how people were quite upset by this. Some people thought this was a well-researched podcast, and others thought it was patched up piece of work.
And the last minute of the podcast is a voice recording of a mother whose son fought addiction and lost.
The Fix - Radiolab
Goes through the pros of using drugs to fight drug addiction, BUT they also discuss how that's only half the battle. The story of Billy is of particular interest. Warning: It's not exactly pro-AA - you can read the comments to see how people were quite upset by this. Some people thought this was a well-researched podcast, and others thought it was patched up piece of work.
And the last minute of the podcast is a voice recording of a mother whose son fought addiction and lost.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 1,698
Dear Again, I don't have any experience with Vivitrol, but it would still be essential that you watch Actions not words! The craving of the drugs is one thing, but the behaviors our addicts have stem from more than just drugs. They need to be re-wired. Hoping he chooses some kind of counseling to allow him to express his needs. You keep hanging on and keep posting, we are all here for you!
TT
TT
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Wilmington, DE
Posts: 393
Again,
My daughter had the Vivitrol injection once. Expensive at $1K+ per dose. Lasts for 30 days. It functions as an opiate blocker, meaning that if the person goes ahead and uses - they don't get high.
The downside is that if the person continues to use more and more in a vain attempt to overcome the Vivitrol - they can still overdose and die.
Vivitrol is generally only prescribed for people judged to have a "high recovery motivation" which does not sound like your son's attitude.
So my opinion is that it works providing the mental attitude is also present --- it is not a "quick fix" to addiction.
Keep coming back,
Jim
My daughter had the Vivitrol injection once. Expensive at $1K+ per dose. Lasts for 30 days. It functions as an opiate blocker, meaning that if the person goes ahead and uses - they don't get high.
The downside is that if the person continues to use more and more in a vain attempt to overcome the Vivitrol - they can still overdose and die.
Vivitrol is generally only prescribed for people judged to have a "high recovery motivation" which does not sound like your son's attitude.
So my opinion is that it works providing the mental attitude is also present --- it is not a "quick fix" to addiction.
Keep coming back,
Jim
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 167
So apparently my son is struggling again in another state and back In detox. So far away from me with no family around. This never gets easier, the pain is so much. I work my program and I am paralyzed all over again. He is strong he is learning he relapsed and I cant talk with him or hear his voice. GOD I hate this disease so much. Any one ever feel like they would give there own life to save there child?
Member
Join Date: May 2016
Location: NYC area
Posts: 856
My son had considered vivitrol, but decided he wanted to be done and not reliant on vivitrol, suboxone or anything else. It was rough going in the beginning, but he went the route of medical detox and rehab, then an IOP program combined with NA/AA meetings. He actually had a slip after a year of being clean. I felt badly about it because he had been desperately trying to get back into an IOP program -- he knew he was at risk, and was trying to do what he could to prevent himself from using. He ended up finding a wonderful NA sponsor who he's begun working with . He never had a sponsor before, and it seems to me that this man's guidance is making a huge difference. While I admire that my son awoke each day and renewed his vow not to use, to remain clean, to go to meetings and therapy, etc. he wasn't really getting the benefit of the program. Going to meetings was almost more of a ritual than of a beneficial mental/emotional learning experience. The sponsor is making a difference, by doing the readings together and preparing to work the Steps.
No matter what route any of you/your famiies take - you're all in my prayers for success, health and happiness.
No matter what route any of you/your famiies take - you're all in my prayers for success, health and happiness.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 2,308
Sorry to hear that Again. I'm sad for you.
I don't have a child, but my mom was an active A for years. I thought she was going to die from her addiction. She just celebrated 1 year sober! I am so proud of her and last year would never have guessed she'd do it!!
You might feel that way but you can't save him - save yourself. Keep going to Al Anon and be there for your son but don't enable him. If he's in detox he will get his immediate medical needs met. This could be the end of his addiction, or not, but you can be healthy for him when he decides to stop fighting sobriety..... Hugs.
I don't have a child, but my mom was an active A for years. I thought she was going to die from her addiction. She just celebrated 1 year sober! I am so proud of her and last year would never have guessed she'd do it!!
You might feel that way but you can't save him - save yourself. Keep going to Al Anon and be there for your son but don't enable him. If he's in detox he will get his immediate medical needs met. This could be the end of his addiction, or not, but you can be healthy for him when he decides to stop fighting sobriety..... Hugs.
Member
Join Date: May 2016
Location: NYC area
Posts: 856
Hi Again2016, it's so damn hard. Do I feel like I would give my life for my child? Sometimes. But then I remember I have another child who, even though he's married and happy, needs me just as much as the one who is struggling does, though in a different way. He needs me to share his happiness, his successes, give advice, hug him when he confides about a bad day, hug him again when he confides about something terrific. My husband and mother need me. I seem to be the glue that's holding them all together. I hope you can speak to your son soon, I hope this rehab is the final, successful one for him. ((hug))
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
