Ann

Letting Go of Sadness

A block to joy and love can be unresolved sadness from the past.

In the past, we told ourselves many things to deny the pain: It doesn't hurt that much.... Maybe if I just wait, things will change.... It's no big deal. I can get through this.... Maybe if I try to change the other person, I won't have to change myself.

We denied that it hurt because we didn't want to feel the pain.

Unfinished business doesn't go away. It keeps repeating itself, until it gets our attention, until we feel it, deal with it, and heal. That's one lesson we are learning in recovery from codependency and adult children issues.

Many of us didn't have the tools, support, or safety we needed to acknowledge and accept pain in our past. It's okay. We're safe now. Slowly, carefully, we can begin to open ourselves up to our feelings. We can begin the process of feeling what we have denied so long - not to blame, not to shame, but to heal ourselves in preparation for a better life.

It's okay to cry when we need to cry and feel the sadness many of us have stored within for so long. We can feel and release these feelings.

Grief is a cleansing process. It's an acceptance process. It moves us from our past, into today, and into a better future - a future free of sabotaging behaviors, a future that holds more options than our past.

God, as I move through this day, let me be open to my feelings Today, help me know that I don't have to either force or repress the healing available to me in recovery. Help me trust that if I am open and available, the healing will happen naturally, in a manageable way.

From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie

Ann

When I began my journey of dealing with my son's addiction...and even dealing with life's problems in general, I had no tools, no map, no support. I grew up in a "stiff upper lip" Anglo household where problems weren't shared or discussed, they were just dealt with or stuffed depending on what they were.

When I began dealing with my son's addiction, I had nowhere to turn, nobody who understood what I was facing. Addiction did not live in my family, so I had no experience to draw on.

Only after I could stand no more did I drag myself to a meeting. I was scared and empty and had no idea if and how these people could help me, but I had run out of ideas and was willing to try one more time.

I walked in crying, I sobbed through the meeting but I listened, and what I heard changed my life and made me want what the people around me had. I found out later it was called "serenity", an inner peace and strength no matter what those around us were doing. These people had been through as bad or worse situations than I had...and yet they were calm, at peace, even happy. They shared their struggles, they shared their coping methods and they shared both their tears and their joy.

I wanted that more than anything I ever wanted in my life...and in time, I found it too. I found a wonderful sponsor to lead me through the 12-steps of recovery, steps that even today help me through my worst moments (and I have had many).

My son has been missing and lost in his addiction somewhere unknown for about 12 years now, I stopped counting at 10. I get through my days by asking God to take care of him and then live my days in faith that He can do for him what I cannot.

I find joy in every sunrise, I find beauty in every day...good days and bad...all because I walked into that room a zillion years ago.

If you are sad today, if you cannot cope, please find a meeting near you and just go. Don't think too hard about it, just give it a shot and see what you think. I promise you that however it works out, you will be glad you did. Meetings saved my life and can save yours..if you just give it a shot.

Hugs

Vale

No time for sadness necessarily means no more time
donated to addiction or it's catastrophic collateral damage.

Ann

You're right, dear Vale. Taking our focus off the problem, addiction and the addict, and putting it on the solution...us and our healing and self-care, is how we recovery, how we move forward and how we heal from the pain of the past.

Kindeyes

When I first went to meetings, it was to save my son. I thought that the people in those rooms, many who had loved ones in recovery, had the answers. It took me a while to realize that they didn't have the answer on how to save my son......but they did have the answers on how to save myself.

I never gave up on my son....and never will.....but right now I am doing the best thing I can for him. I am living MY life to its fullest.....enjoying each day.....watching sunrises and sunsets......and marveling at the beauty I am lucky enough to be surrounded by.

Although I can never be grateful that my son struggles with addiction......I will be forever grateful for the lessons his addiction has taught me.

I don't know what the future holds.....but today.....I'm ok.

Ann

Yes, me too Kindeyes. It's one of the "strangely wrapped gifts" that follows hard times in our lives. Your son is in my prayers.