Eager2Learn

My only child, a 30-year old son, is an addict in recovery. He is in a serious relationship with a very nice 28-year old lady who has an 8-year old daughter. Her parents are adamantly opposed to the relationship, and so far she has been unable to deal with them straightforwardly about it. I can see both sides as far as the relationship, and while I occasionally share my thoughts, I try to stay out of the middle and never try to tell them what they should or shouldn't do. The only 2 things I'm sure about are: 1) my son and his girlfriend need to look this squarely in the eye before making a decision - preferably with the help of a counselor; and 2) the relationship will almost certainly not survive long-term if she cannot resolve things with her parents in a reasonable manner, because she is very close to them.

So... I'm looking for recommendations any of you may have for books/ resources that address these 2 things - particularly providing guidance to help them sort through things with her parents.

Thanks so much!

Anna

This is our Book List - Spirituality, Addiction, Codependence and more:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ependence.html

LostinLove22

This is an issue between her and her parents. Why do you feel it's your place to smooth it out?

GardenMama

At 28 and 30, it is theirs and theirs alone to figure out. It is thoughtful that you want to help them, but it's not your job. Have you read books on addiction, recovery, and co-dependence? If you do, I think you will soon discover that letting them be in charge of their relationship is the best thing you can do. Maybe her parents will do the same.

My RAD and her now husband met in recovery. He's 12 years older with two sons and a long history of addiction. As her mother, at the time I met him, he was the last person on earth I'd want her to be with. Today, nearly four years later, they are 18 months in active recovery, married, and absolutely devoted not only to their recoveries but to their 6 month old baby.

What tomorrow or next year or the next decade brings, I don't have the authority to know. What I do know is that I have learned incredible things about letting my daughter live her life--it's hers alone, despite my own plans, hopes, judgments and concerns. Ironically, as a result of addiction, I have learned about humility and detachment, grace and love, in a lot of very deep ways.

I wish you and your son and his girlfriend all the very best.

Mountainmanbob

AA Big Book
Explains a lot about addiction.
And a plan for recovery.
Mountainman

AnonWife

Beyons Addiction How Science and Kindness Help People Change

Its written for families.explains a lot about addiction and recovery and communication.

Smart Recovery helps people communicate better with their loved ones and has a lot of articles, and toolkit full of behavioral techniques

HollyWouldnt

Perhaps Codependent No More. For you, though.