Vicki71

I'm trying to keep my head above water today. My husband and I decided to give things another shot about 3 months ago. Everything was going well.....One night last week, he didn't come home til 5am and last night he did the same thing again. He texted his boss this morning and said he couldn't come to work because he was at the hospital all night with my father. My father has cancer and has been very sick on and off......but he is well at the present time. My husbands boss called him repeatedly and I finally answered and told him the truth. I didn't say that my husband was out drinking and drugging all night....I just told him that my father is not in the hospital.... My husband now considers me the worst person on this earth. He says hes going to rehab tomorrow. This was completely unprovoked by me. He has just been trying to argue with me and ask me why I did what I did.....meaning tell his boss. Stated that my action caused him to loose his job....which that is true... Had he gone to work this morning....this wouldn't have happened. I don't think what I did was right,, but when I saw him using MY dad as an excuse, it sent me on an emotional nightmare. I'm now locked in the bathroom hoping he just leaves me alone. I'm not arguing.....but its hard to just stay quiet.

biminiblue

Are you afraid of him?

suki44883

What caused him to lose his job is the fact that he lied to his boss and then expected you to lie to his boss, too. Don't feel guilty for what you did. It's not like you called his boss and spilled the beans. The boss called your house and you answered.

zoso77

Vicki...

I don't think we've met, and since this is only your third post since August of 2013, Welcome Back.

You were put into a position where you had to make an extremely difficult call. On the one hand, you didn't sell your husband down the river. On the other hand, you didn't exactly cover for him either. Your husband made the choice to not be honest with his boss, and with that decision comes consequences.

What do you think your options are going forward?

Vicki71

No... I'm not afraid of him. He just has the knack to make me feel like everything I do is wrong. It's a bit overwhelming today. I'm regrouping and planning my exit....again. I knew better than to give him another chance. I'm having a bit of self pity....I guess. I talked myself into believing he'd be different....when I know that's not how it works.

Ann

Vicki, my son knew that I maybe wouldn't seek out people to report his activities, I would never lie either. If asked I would give an honest answer.

This annoyed him to no end...because the gig was up as soon as anyone asked me.

I remained true to myself and my values. His life was his own to sort out.

Your husband should never expect you to lie for him. He shouldn't even drag you or your family into his lies.

I hope he really does go to rehab, his actions will tell you all you need to know.

I am sorry you are going through all this. Just remember that there is nothing wrong with you. You didn't bring this on him, he did, and the consequences belong to him.

Hugs

zoso77

Hell of a lesson to learn the way you did, Vicki.

I hope you stay with us and allow us to support you while you're planning your exit. It's going to be a difficult ride for you, and it's a ride where you should allow yourself some company.

Be safe.

PuzzledHeart

You told the truth. What's wrong with that?

Then you did the right thing. And if he doesn't, now you know that he's lying to you too. Knowledge is power.

My mother has cancer too. Today my dad found out that my sister has been telling her ex-husband that she can't get their house ready for sale because she's too busy taking care of my mom (Her ex is paying the mortgage while she and her pothead boyfriend lives there). It's too bad that she told my dad that she can't help him with mom because she's too busy getting the house ready for sale. My dad was angry and heartbroken.

If my sister spent half the energy on healing herself as opposed to maintaining her delusional facade of lies, she would be amazing. But she isn't, so everybody around her has to be careful about boarding her crazy train.

She's not a bad person, but she's incredibly rabid with pain. I suspect your husband is the same way too.