Lolo85

Yes, you are 100% correct. Not sure how you picked up on all that through my posts but yes, we were both going through some lonely, hard times and leaned on each other and supported one another through them. And you're right where I do feel rejected, he picked the dope life over me. That's really hard to swallow. I guess I can appreciate he left when he knew that's what he was going to do instead of bringing that to my home. But then again I don't think he tried very hard as he ran away as soon as things got stressful. I didn't realize how poor his coping skills were until this. I thought he was a lot stronger than he actually is. This has showed me how truly weak he is as a man. Note: I use the term "man" loosely as a real man has responsibilities and doesn't run away from problems but rather faces stressful times and hard decisions head on.

JOIE12

Your words could not be more true ! Once at a house I was living in, I heard a drip, sizzle, drip, sizzle. It was raining sideways. Somehow the water was making it's was into the furnace flue. I looked at it, listening to the sound and sure enough, my hand went up to the pipe to touch it. To see if it was really hot. I know, sound ridiculous but I did it. It burned all of the skin off of my hand that had touched it. Left my skin on that flue. Painful.

Your analogy is perfect.

That was my relationship. And I understand how you feel.

I also believe that everything happens for a reason. Embrace what you have learned and use it.

People here help others with what they have experienced. And you will help without realizing it. Keep coming back. Keep sharing. We are here for you.

Hugs,
Joie

myfreedom

I have been married for 15 yrs with 2 children, he was an alcoholic that did drugs for a long time, then mellowed out for alittle, THEN GOT INTO METH, the worst thing out there. It sucks, 100%. He up and left one day because he wanted to try and start his own business, which has backfired on him. He doesn't bother with his kids, only worries about what im doing. He has cheated, has no job, unemployment ended, is in trouble with the law, has a warrant and says he isn't going to his court date. Has bills that never get paid, I won't be getting child support with him having no income. He doesn't help out at all. It hurts to see someone you love so much destroy there life and they keep continuing on that path. I just keep telling myself, what does he have to offer us??? Absolutely nothing but heartache and more ******** to deal with. I cried for months, lost 12 lbs, was withdrawn from everything, including my kids which was not fair to them at all. I still have my days but I am getting better. I want a normal, peaceful life, which I know he will never be able to give me. His children do not want him around, and he knows that but that still isn't enough to make him realize. Take it day by day, it will get better.

Lolo85

My thoughts and prayers go out to you. Thank you for sharing your story.

I have good days and bad days, but my good days are getting to be more often. I miss him from time to time but then I think of who he is today and that is not someone I miss or want to be around. I don't want to live in constant anxiety about my partner, it's no way to live walking on eggshells. Part of me gets sad that he hasn't called or texted, but then I think and realize he can't give me what I want, so what's the point?

Thank you again for responding and reminding me what my future would have in store for me had I continued to stand by him.

BDG4488

Lolo, it's been my experience that it gets easier every day with no contact. I also kept a no contact journal. I look back at it now 18 months after the break up, and I just don't feel the same. I don't miss her anymore, and I cannot fathom being back in the relationship. She also chose the drug lifestyle. Give yourself time, feel your feelings, and use this forum as support. There may be good days and bad days for missing him, but over time the bad days are less and less. One day you won't miss him at all. You are wise to walk away from what would likely be years of misery. Addiction is a progressive disease and meth will never lead anywhere sane.

Lolo85

BDG,

Thank you for sharing your personal experience with no contact.

I am finding it does get easier as time goes on, BUT I do still have those times of wanting him to call/text. I know it is for the best (for my health and well-being) that communication has been cut off, but it is surreal to think after talking to my best friend every day for the past year and half, that we are no longer in communication.

I will say even though I still miss talking to him, I do feel my mental and emotional health is a lot stronger than when I was in contact with him. I feel more at peace overall and my anxiety level has decreased. Although I do still think of him OFTEN, I am not consumed/obsessed with him and what he is doing. I am now able to focus on things that make me feel good.

BDG4488

Sounds like you are on the right path. It's normal to think about someone you loved for so long. I still think about my ex, but I don't want her back in my life. I have also learned that any contact with her is stressful.

One of the first things I noticed after my breakup is that I wake up each morning and my jaw is pain-free. I was so stressed during the last year of the relationship that I was clenching my teeth in my sleep. It was very painful. I never realized how stressful the relationship was until I was out of it. No more addict in my life = no more clenched teeth while I sleep.

Calm is a beautiful thing.

Lolo85

That it is. Speaking of, I'm so enjoying my peaceful and relaxing Friday night right now. Hope you are too!

teatreeoil007

Me too...